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Substance Abuse
Kicked my son out, foster care, fear
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<blockquote data-quote="dayatatime" data-source="post: 705461" data-attributes="member: 17805"><p>RN0441, how did taking a total break in communication play out? Did you have a timeline for it in advance? Was it based on certain goals that had to be met? </p><p></p><p>I think you're so right that they always make it sound worse. I've been making more and more distance between me and him. He said he has a job interview and needed a haircut- I did meet him at a place to pay for that then left. He wanted me to buy him yogurts afterward- I said- I don't think you get it- I'm out. Then said he *had* to come over to my house and just weigh himself, because he has to keep an eye on his weight and I'm the only person he knows who owns a scale. I said no. </p><p></p><p>Then he texted me some stuff-I'm not sure I would meet the criteria for Borderline Personality Disorder anymore, maybe.... but that's such a stigmatized diagnosis, you can find so much hateful ill-informed and outdated stuff about it on the internet, and then I never was a stereotypical case. It's unfortunate that my son knows that it's part of my history.... because he has been googling it and he texted me this from Psychology Today:</p><p></p><p>"The borderline parent compels the child to be more nurturing towards them by <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-intelligent-divorce/201302/was-your-dad-narcissist" target="_blank">portraying themselves as good parents</a> who are dealing with an ungrateful child....</p><p></p><p>Consider the following exchange.</p><p></p><p>Child: 'Mom I don’t feel well. I have a sore throat.'</p><p></p><p>Mother: 'Take some tea with honey.'</p><p></p><p>Child: 'I don’t like tea with honey it upsets my stomach.</p><p></p><p>Mother: 'You ungrateful little bastard.'...</p><p></p><p>The lack of nurturing is not the only problem with the borderline parent-child relationship. The borderline parent lacks insight and believes that she is the fine parent of an ungrateful child and goes to any length to prove that this is the case...."</p><p></p><p>I find that all pretty infuriating, outrageously manipulate and lacking insight on his part. It's also really hurtful. I didn't respond.</p><p></p><p>The next day he texted to ask for an over the counter medication. I didn't respond.</p><p></p><p>The next day he texted, emailed, then called me on his father's phone to ask that I pay his phone bill. He said he'd just had the job interview and that if I didn't pay the bill he wouldn't have a phone for 20 days. I reminded that last time I told him it would be the last time and told him he would work it out. At this point he isn't bothering to argue with me.</p><p></p><p>If he really did have the interview, it would be better if he had a number where he could be reached-- but he could use his father's or his foster home... or he can figure something out. Or he can wait until he gets his foster care allowance again and budget better this time then look for a job again. I do want to just drop him for a while. I love the idea of No Communication. It's just scary- don't want it to be permanent. But I don't want the manipulations to be permanent either-- I need to really breakup what we have going on.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="dayatatime, post: 705461, member: 17805"] RN0441, how did taking a total break in communication play out? Did you have a timeline for it in advance? Was it based on certain goals that had to be met? I think you're so right that they always make it sound worse. I've been making more and more distance between me and him. He said he has a job interview and needed a haircut- I did meet him at a place to pay for that then left. He wanted me to buy him yogurts afterward- I said- I don't think you get it- I'm out. Then said he *had* to come over to my house and just weigh himself, because he has to keep an eye on his weight and I'm the only person he knows who owns a scale. I said no. Then he texted me some stuff-I'm not sure I would meet the criteria for Borderline Personality Disorder anymore, maybe.... but that's such a stigmatized diagnosis, you can find so much hateful ill-informed and outdated stuff about it on the internet, and then I never was a stereotypical case. It's unfortunate that my son knows that it's part of my history.... because he has been googling it and he texted me this from Psychology Today: "The borderline parent compels the child to be more nurturing towards them by [URL='https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-intelligent-divorce/201302/was-your-dad-narcissist']portraying themselves as good parents[/URL] who are dealing with an ungrateful child.... Consider the following exchange. Child: 'Mom I don’t feel well. I have a sore throat.' Mother: 'Take some tea with honey.' Child: 'I don’t like tea with honey it upsets my stomach. Mother: 'You ungrateful little bastard.'... The lack of nurturing is not the only problem with the borderline parent-child relationship. The borderline parent lacks insight and believes that she is the fine parent of an ungrateful child and goes to any length to prove that this is the case...." I find that all pretty infuriating, outrageously manipulate and lacking insight on his part. It's also really hurtful. I didn't respond. The next day he texted to ask for an over the counter medication. I didn't respond. The next day he texted, emailed, then called me on his father's phone to ask that I pay his phone bill. He said he'd just had the job interview and that if I didn't pay the bill he wouldn't have a phone for 20 days. I reminded that last time I told him it would be the last time and told him he would work it out. At this point he isn't bothering to argue with me. If he really did have the interview, it would be better if he had a number where he could be reached-- but he could use his father's or his foster home... or he can figure something out. Or he can wait until he gets his foster care allowance again and budget better this time then look for a job again. I do want to just drop him for a while. I love the idea of No Communication. It's just scary- don't want it to be permanent. But I don't want the manipulations to be permanent either-- I need to really breakup what we have going on. [/QUOTE]
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