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<blockquote data-quote="Anna1345" data-source="post: 98640" data-attributes="member: 4292"><p>I know exactly what you are going through, carolanne. With out reading any other responses, here is my opinion. </p><p></p><p>First {{{HUGS}}}} I know how devasting and painful this can be. Second, we have been going through the same thing recently. Some thing that have helped have been jsut talking with M. Sitting him down by himself, no distractions, and lay it on the line. "I know, you are a good kid. I have seen what a great big brother you are. You are a part of this family and we WANT you to feel like you are important to us. What is all this anger about?" And when she says "I don't know" try responding with this "I know you like it better when the house is more calm and everyone is getting along. So, I am not saying you have to be kind and loving. Nor am I saying you even have to respect us. BUT you DO need to behave. When you behave we will no longer yell and scream and the house will be a more pleasant place." Or something to that effect. When we approach M like that and are calm and rational, no yelling, etc. I find he is more apt to really listen to me. </p><p></p><p>I know a lot of times our first instinct is to blow up, but it never helps the situation. I know you know that too. I have also found that when M says things like "I don't care if my grades are bad, I don't care if I get in trouble or my friends don't like me" blah blah. That it is a defense mechanism for him. He is trying to protect his feelings. </p><p></p><p>In response to your husband, I too am speechless. I can't believe a grown man would have the audacity to respond in such a manner! How can he NOT believe that the LAST thing she needs in a parent is a friend right now. She needs a good strong male figure... NOT a push over. She needs someone who will teach and direct her. He needs to stop worrying about how he is perceived and start working on what he can do to help his daughter help herself. We are parents, we are not supposed to be best friends and liked and peers with our CHILDREN. If we don't teach them by actions and examples, how will they EVER learn how to be parents and to deal with their children when older, or to deal with their ability to pick a future mate? </p><p></p><p>Maybe Family counciling is in order if you don't already go? And if you do already go, tell the councilor what husband has said? Hang in there!!!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Anna1345, post: 98640, member: 4292"] I know exactly what you are going through, carolanne. With out reading any other responses, here is my opinion. First {{{HUGS}}}} I know how devasting and painful this can be. Second, we have been going through the same thing recently. Some thing that have helped have been jsut talking with M. Sitting him down by himself, no distractions, and lay it on the line. "I know, you are a good kid. I have seen what a great big brother you are. You are a part of this family and we WANT you to feel like you are important to us. What is all this anger about?" And when she says "I don't know" try responding with this "I know you like it better when the house is more calm and everyone is getting along. So, I am not saying you have to be kind and loving. Nor am I saying you even have to respect us. BUT you DO need to behave. When you behave we will no longer yell and scream and the house will be a more pleasant place." Or something to that effect. When we approach M like that and are calm and rational, no yelling, etc. I find he is more apt to really listen to me. I know a lot of times our first instinct is to blow up, but it never helps the situation. I know you know that too. I have also found that when M says things like "I don't care if my grades are bad, I don't care if I get in trouble or my friends don't like me" blah blah. That it is a defense mechanism for him. He is trying to protect his feelings. In response to your husband, I too am speechless. I can't believe a grown man would have the audacity to respond in such a manner! How can he NOT believe that the LAST thing she needs in a parent is a friend right now. She needs a good strong male figure... NOT a push over. She needs someone who will teach and direct her. He needs to stop worrying about how he is perceived and start working on what he can do to help his daughter help herself. We are parents, we are not supposed to be best friends and liked and peers with our CHILDREN. If we don't teach them by actions and examples, how will they EVER learn how to be parents and to deal with their children when older, or to deal with their ability to pick a future mate? Maybe Family counciling is in order if you don't already go? And if you do already go, tell the councilor what husband has said? Hang in there!!! [/QUOTE]
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