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<blockquote data-quote="DDD" data-source="post: 98936" data-attributes="member: 35"><p>WHOA, Nellie......put them weapons down and think a spell. :rolleyes: I don't think transferring the builtup anger</p><p>and frustration is the healthiest way to go. husband is not overtly</p><p>causing the pain. The man does not like confrontation. How many</p><p>members have been married to PITAs who thrived on causing stress?</p><p>This husband is not like that...he has been traumtized by volatile</p><p>personalities and he does NOT want to revisit that environment.</p><p>Punishing him or threatening him is NOT going to turn him into the spouse who shares stress 50/50. It is NOT going to happen.</p><p>He can NOT do it.</p><p></p><p>Why am I such a "know it all"??? I'm married to a wonderful man</p><p>who shared that type of childhood, would walk thru flames for me</p><p>or the children, who in a zillion years wouldn't ever have been</p><p>unfaithful to me or our family BUT who can NOT confront problems</p><p>within the family headon. Period. Zip. That is it.</p><p></p><p>Chances are the kind, caring traits that made you fall in love</p><p>with him are now seen as soft or disloyal. It's the same guy.</p><p>The circumstances have changed and you are in the high stress</p><p>arena. As much as he wants to make sure you are safe and fine</p><p>he can not bear being the bad guy with others. </p><p></p><p>Is it fair that you have to step up to the plate alone? Heck no</p><p>it is NOT fair. Can you do it? Yep..you can either do it or not</p><p>do it. You can not force someone else to do anything they feel</p><p>incapable of doing. </p><p></p><p>Don't "throw the baby away with the bath water". You have a</p><p>terrific spouse who is imperfect. Chances are you are also a</p><p>bit flawed. Most everyone is. Either take the lead or ignore</p><p>the issue and see where it lands without leadership. Abandoning</p><p>your husband physically or emotionally will only compound your</p><p>problems. DDD</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="DDD, post: 98936, member: 35"] WHOA, Nellie......put them weapons down and think a spell. [img]:rolleyes:[/img] I don't think transferring the builtup anger and frustration is the healthiest way to go. husband is not overtly causing the pain. The man does not like confrontation. How many members have been married to PITAs who thrived on causing stress? This husband is not like that...he has been traumtized by volatile personalities and he does NOT want to revisit that environment. Punishing him or threatening him is NOT going to turn him into the spouse who shares stress 50/50. It is NOT going to happen. He can NOT do it. Why am I such a "know it all"??? I'm married to a wonderful man who shared that type of childhood, would walk thru flames for me or the children, who in a zillion years wouldn't ever have been unfaithful to me or our family BUT who can NOT confront problems within the family headon. Period. Zip. That is it. Chances are the kind, caring traits that made you fall in love with him are now seen as soft or disloyal. It's the same guy. The circumstances have changed and you are in the high stress arena. As much as he wants to make sure you are safe and fine he can not bear being the bad guy with others. Is it fair that you have to step up to the plate alone? Heck no it is NOT fair. Can you do it? Yep..you can either do it or not do it. You can not force someone else to do anything they feel incapable of doing. Don't "throw the baby away with the bath water". You have a terrific spouse who is imperfect. Chances are you are also a bit flawed. Most everyone is. Either take the lead or ignore the issue and see where it lands without leadership. Abandoning your husband physically or emotionally will only compound your problems. DDD [/QUOTE]
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