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Latent difficult child, Drug addict, or Failure to Launch?
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<blockquote data-quote="possumholler" data-source="post: 441592" data-attributes="member: 12300"><p>The counselor said that in a 2 parent family that boys learn competition, drive and the things that teach him to not quit when the going gets tough are learned from the father, the nurturing elements are learned from the mother. My husband has a long history of doing absolutely nothing as did his father, and still basically works at his parent's house. Against all odds they had a successful family business, but now that husband's father retired and then died, the company is going down the tubes and I have long been supporting my family. It is the same way with husband's brothers--they all rely on their successful wives to support their families. The sport my son played was the only thing that gave him drive and ambition, and now that that is no longer in his life, he has reverted back to his old sluggish ways. That is the only thing that gives me hope--the fact that I have seen my son, once engaged in something he loves, he is driven and tries to succeed.</p><p></p><p>The counselor says he needs to be taught how to succeed and manage money better, he has a job. For now, I have control over his bank accounts, and every paycheck he gets, I put 15% into savings (yep, I want him out!). I think I may be the queen of codependency. I care for my invalid mother and she has envelope of cash that she stashes away and I have noticed that it has been depleted somewhat--hence the stealing. Here is the problem I have with that--he is her favorite grandchild and can do absolutely no wrong in her eyes. He is unbelievably great with her. I want to tell her what a scumbag she has for a grandson, but she is plagued by depression and I think that would push her over the edge. </p><p></p><p>I know it sounds like I have made up a bunch of excuses of why he does what he does, but we have been working on a parenting plan with the counselor to get him the heck out of my house. </p><p></p><p>The NA meetings sound like a great idea, I think the root of his issues are drugs. While my son is technically an adult at 21, my husband at age 50 is still a child, and my son has learned by example--my husband has never lived on his own--EVER. Yes, I know, why did I put up it all these years? I would have to answer that with I am just too tired to fight all the time or with my husband not fight all the time and deal with his passive-aggressiveness (husband does have some aggression in there somewhere). I have to figure out a way to break this cycle of my son relying on someone else to support him. </p><p></p><p>I will be filing for divorce soon--I just can't do this anymore. So husband will have to figure out a way to live on his own also.</p><p>Sorry this has turned into a big vent, but I do feel better for getting it off my chest. I work all the time and I have very few friends.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="possumholler, post: 441592, member: 12300"] The counselor said that in a 2 parent family that boys learn competition, drive and the things that teach him to not quit when the going gets tough are learned from the father, the nurturing elements are learned from the mother. My husband has a long history of doing absolutely nothing as did his father, and still basically works at his parent's house. Against all odds they had a successful family business, but now that husband's father retired and then died, the company is going down the tubes and I have long been supporting my family. It is the same way with husband's brothers--they all rely on their successful wives to support their families. The sport my son played was the only thing that gave him drive and ambition, and now that that is no longer in his life, he has reverted back to his old sluggish ways. That is the only thing that gives me hope--the fact that I have seen my son, once engaged in something he loves, he is driven and tries to succeed. The counselor says he needs to be taught how to succeed and manage money better, he has a job. For now, I have control over his bank accounts, and every paycheck he gets, I put 15% into savings (yep, I want him out!). I think I may be the queen of codependency. I care for my invalid mother and she has envelope of cash that she stashes away and I have noticed that it has been depleted somewhat--hence the stealing. Here is the problem I have with that--he is her favorite grandchild and can do absolutely no wrong in her eyes. He is unbelievably great with her. I want to tell her what a scumbag she has for a grandson, but she is plagued by depression and I think that would push her over the edge. I know it sounds like I have made up a bunch of excuses of why he does what he does, but we have been working on a parenting plan with the counselor to get him the heck out of my house. The NA meetings sound like a great idea, I think the root of his issues are drugs. While my son is technically an adult at 21, my husband at age 50 is still a child, and my son has learned by example--my husband has never lived on his own--EVER. Yes, I know, why did I put up it all these years? I would have to answer that with I am just too tired to fight all the time or with my husband not fight all the time and deal with his passive-aggressiveness (husband does have some aggression in there somewhere). I have to figure out a way to break this cycle of my son relying on someone else to support him. I will be filing for divorce soon--I just can't do this anymore. So husband will have to figure out a way to live on his own also. Sorry this has turned into a big vent, but I do feel better for getting it off my chest. I work all the time and I have very few friends. [/QUOTE]
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