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<blockquote data-quote="Nomad" data-source="post: 765626" data-attributes="member: 4152">I’m so sorry. Our adopted daughter recently found her birth family. She suffers from mental illness and mental illness is highly prevalent in her bio family.She visits them and they welcome visits, but I’m fairly sure they don’t necessarily want her full fledged enmeshed with their family.We’ve had decades of turmoil and a few years ago experienced a breaking point with behavior on her part that caused extreme chaos in which she showed very little to no remorse. It was a turning point and&nbsp; I have largely , almost fully “let go.”&nbsp; Can I borrow “a challenge to raise, putting it mildly”????? Sigh. Boy can I relate.Whenever she is inappropriate or even unkind, she will NOT tolerate any sort of mention of it. In other words, in her world, we are not to speak up about her inappropriate behaviors , defend ourselves or set boundaries.But boundaries are indeed crucial and especially after age 21 , detachment as well.Your daughter seems to have chosen her bio family over you? And is now accused of a crime? I would hesitate to write a letter as well. Largely because my experience with such things aren’t positive. I , for example, would NOT be able to offer advice in my case. It would have to be neutral , but supportive,&nbsp; and then if I were neutral&nbsp; but supportive, she would likely deem such a letter “stupid” or “unhelpful.” And “twisting my words” in our case is also common.&nbsp; I would be more inclined to do it if it was a holiday or a birthday. Perhaps review all the pros and cons and then make your decision.&nbsp; My heart goes out to you. We find ourselves in no win situations when it comes to our adult children who are so unwell. Be sure to take good care of yourself. No doubt much stress and sorrow. (((Hugs)))</blockquote>

[QUOTE="Nomad, post: 765626, member: 4152"] I’m so sorry. Our adopted daughter recently found her birth family. She suffers from mental illness and mental illness is highly prevalent in her bio family. She visits them and they welcome visits, but I’m fairly sure they don’t necessarily want her full fledged enmeshed with their family. We’ve had decades of turmoil and a few years ago experienced a breaking point with behavior on her part that caused extreme chaos in which she showed very little to no remorse. It was a turning point and I have largely , almost fully “let go.” Can I borrow “a challenge to raise, putting it mildly”????? Sigh. Boy can I relate. Whenever she is inappropriate or even unkind, she will NOT tolerate any sort of mention of it. In other words, in her world, we are not to speak up about her inappropriate behaviors , defend ourselves or set boundaries. But boundaries are indeed crucial and especially after age 21 , detachment as well. Your daughter seems to have chosen her bio family over you? And is now accused of a crime? I would hesitate to write a letter as well. Largely because my experience with such things aren’t positive. I , for example, would NOT be able to offer advice in my case. It would have to be neutral , but supportive, and then if I were neutral but supportive, she would likely deem such a letter “stupid” or “unhelpful.” And “twisting my words” in our case is also common. I would be more inclined to do it if it was a holiday or a birthday. Perhaps review all the pros and cons and then make your decision. My heart goes out to you. We find ourselves in no win situations when it comes to our adult children who are so unwell. Be sure to take good care of yourself. No doubt much stress and sorrow. (((Hugs))) [/QUOTE]

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