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Parent Emeritus
Learning to let go
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<blockquote data-quote="marlboro" data-source="post: 729413" data-attributes="member: 22857"><p>The battle here is pretty typical of parents who have mentally ill children. My wife doesn’t like to use the term, but I have begun using it since it describes the reality.</p><p></p><p>At least in my case the daughter’s Borderline (BPD) is high functioning invisible. This means that she has trouble with personal relationships but can do fine in job situations, and she and her hubby are doing very very well financially. And the same goes for my NP son, who has a PhD in a science related area, and a very good job as a staff scientist at a famous university. BUT IT ALSO MEANS THAT NEITHER will ever get any help, and so nothing will ever change, and they will ruin their son too.</p><p></p><p>And so neither of are going down hill in that way. But their relationship with us is due to splitting, and we are now both the Great Satan’s who ruined their childhood. </p><p></p><p>You just have be aware that the nasty language is the illness talking, not them. YOU CAN LET GO. I HAVE. While i can accept some blame for their issues, due to my own struggles, none of it was malicious(I did the best I could), and I sure can’t control the genetics part.</p><p></p><p>Just tell yourself the reality: <strong>you did the best you could with what you had available, and remember that if you cild have done better, then you would have</strong>.</p><p></p><p>And get the bumper sticker for your car: <strong><u>WE CHILD PROOFED THE HOUSE, BUT THEY GOT IN ANYWAY!</u></strong></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="marlboro, post: 729413, member: 22857"] The battle here is pretty typical of parents who have mentally ill children. My wife doesn’t like to use the term, but I have begun using it since it describes the reality. At least in my case the daughter’s Borderline (BPD) is high functioning invisible. This means that she has trouble with personal relationships but can do fine in job situations, and she and her hubby are doing very very well financially. And the same goes for my NP son, who has a PhD in a science related area, and a very good job as a staff scientist at a famous university. BUT IT ALSO MEANS THAT NEITHER will ever get any help, and so nothing will ever change, and they will ruin their son too. And so neither of are going down hill in that way. But their relationship with us is due to splitting, and we are now both the Great Satan’s who ruined their childhood. You just have be aware that the nasty language is the illness talking, not them. YOU CAN LET GO. I HAVE. While i can accept some blame for their issues, due to my own struggles, none of it was malicious(I did the best I could), and I sure can’t control the genetics part. Just tell yourself the reality: [B]you did the best you could with what you had available, and remember that if you cild have done better, then you would have[/B]. And get the bumper sticker for your car: [B][U]WE CHILD PROOFED THE HOUSE, BUT THEY GOT IN ANYWAY![/U][/B] [/QUOTE]
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