Letting Go Gracefully

[HeadlightsMom]

I just saw a friend post this article. Much of the article refers to gracefully letting go of our adult children as they head off to college, it also explores the idea of letting go amid "communications technology" and space and room for both to grow.

http://mobile.nytimes.com/2015/03/03/opinion/david-brooks-leaving-and-cleaving.html

However, as I read the last paragraph, I noted that it can also largely apply to us, as parents, in this group. I find the last sentence, particularly, very refreshing and empowering. Hope you all do, too.

"Communications technology encourages us to express whatever is on our minds in that instant. It makes self-restraint harder. But sometimes healthy relationships require self-restraint and self-quieting, deference and respect (at the exact moments when those things are hardest to muster). So today a new kind of heroism is required. Feelings are hurt and angry words are at the ready. But they are held back. You can’t know the future, but at least you can walk into it as your best and highest self."

 

[HeadlightsMom]

PS -- Briefly....... Just heard from someone who was not happy with the gist of the article, above. Really, I meant no offense.....nor any suggestion at what parents should "accept" or not in their relationship with their child. That's up to each individual in their individual situation.

I only meant to emphasize the last sentence (in particular). Probably just should've copied and pasted that (over the years, workplaces have groomed me to cite my source). So.........Just focus on the last bold-faced sentence, please. If I could delete the rest, I would.

That's all....

 

[InsaneCdn]

I usually don't even click through to articles... so I don't get sidelined.

I'm a big supporter of the "instant communications fiasco" theories... that is, that "modern" communication has actually backfired, and makes real communication harder. We say more, and think less. We react more and ponder less. In today's world, the need for caring, articulate communication is vital... and we are losing the art. It's sobering.

 

[Echolette]

I like this article a lot, and totally agree about letting go of our kids. My son's twin left home to go to college 2000 miles away at the same time he left us to live on the street (and beg and use drugs and steal and so on). I had to detach in different ways. This article brings out the interesting issue that detaching in this era is different. Thanks for posting the whole thing!

 

[CrazyinVA]

I like the article as well. It's trickier when it comes to "difficult children," and what works for some may not work for others -- that's true of everything posted here. But in general it speaks to the fact that even with difficult kids, we get enmeshed in relationships and have to let go - for me, that includes letting go of the tendency to stay entrenched in chaos. Avoiding the urge to reach out and check on my kids is an important part of detachment, for me personally. Taking a breath, and not immediately texting back or responding to that Facebook post, takes effort.

Thanks for sharing it!