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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 755660" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>My quote thing is not working. I am responding to Chickpea here: <em>With my adult children that live at home (or stay when college is off), I generally ask them to check.</em></p><p><em></em></p><p>This is the critical difference. I believe Chickpea is referring to her <u>non-difficult adult children</u>, where issues of compliance and reciprocity and self-awareness are not the battleground that they have become with the children who bring us here. Chickpea, how has this simple request, asking your daughter to check in and keep you posted, the daughter who has brought you here? How has that worked out?</p><p></p><p>With respect to the adult kids who will work with us and our needs: We are not tearing our hair out with these kids. These kids are not challenging our sanity at every turn. They do not have us cowering under the covers, or going to Al Anon, or into therapy.</p><p></p><p>Our challenged kids do not conform either to what we want and need from them. or social constraints. If I had to boil it down to one thing that brings and keeps us here on this forum, it's accepting the inherent unwinability of our struggle to impose our values, our needs, onto our children, no matter how correct or inherently necessary and valuable our viewpoints are.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 755660, member: 18958"] My quote thing is not working. I am responding to Chickpea here: [I]With my adult children that live at home (or stay when college is off), I generally ask them to check. [/I] This is the critical difference. I believe Chickpea is referring to her [U]non-difficult adult children[/U], where issues of compliance and reciprocity and self-awareness are not the battleground that they have become with the children who bring us here. Chickpea, how has this simple request, asking your daughter to check in and keep you posted, the daughter who has brought you here? How has that worked out? With respect to the adult kids who will work with us and our needs: We are not tearing our hair out with these kids. These kids are not challenging our sanity at every turn. They do not have us cowering under the covers, or going to Al Anon, or into therapy. Our challenged kids do not conform either to what we want and need from them. or social constraints. If I had to boil it down to one thing that brings and keeps us here on this forum, it's accepting the inherent unwinability of our struggle to impose our values, our needs, onto our children, no matter how correct or inherently necessary and valuable our viewpoints are. [/QUOTE]
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