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<blockquote data-quote="Deni D" data-source="post: 731954" data-attributes="member: 22840"><p>Tired Mama ~ congrats on hanging up on him. I agree with Copa, I doubt he’s talking to people in jail that way, he’d get his block knocked off. Sounds like he’s been using you as his emotional punching bag for a while now.</p><p></p><p>I’m in the process of trying to break that habit with my son. I did get a temporary restraining order and then dropped it with an agreement he’s not to come to my house and can only email me or call my significant other. He thinks the agreement is court ordered but the court really doesn’t want to get involved in that kind of stuff. My lawyer worked it into the court proceedings saying we had this agreement and the judge worded his discussion about it making it clear that we were to follow the agreement but slipped in quickly that it didn’t need to be entered into the proceedings. I know if I didn’t get this agreement done my son would feel entitled to phone blast me and show up on my doorstep to take his frustrations out on me.</p><p></p><p>The way I figure it with normal adult children is they can call their parents and tell them about things that upset them and you let them talk and get it out. Give them advice if they ask for it, help them when it’s actually appropriate (like if they had a house fire or something), but mostly be a listening ear for them to work it out themselves. And then you have the untreated Bipolar condition, which is normal times 10. So you get someone who has no insight to their behavior, is overly emotional and needs someone to blame because they have made such a sh*t show of their lives. Who’s the one person who’s always been there for them? Must be that person’s fault because they’ve been through all of it with them. And who’s the one person who they figure will never walk away from them no matter how horribly they behave?</p><p></p><p>As much as we would like to give them emotional support and advice if they want, adult children who act like ours do will not allow that. They don’t want emotional support, they want a hostage they can use to abuse, blame and get to rescue them from their bad choices.</p><p></p><p>For now I’m holding strong but only because I have boundaries in place that other people have helped to put there. And I’m not going to ease up until/if I feel this crap is going to stop. When I no longer get nasty emails and my significant other is not getting the tantrums then I’ll see what I’ll do about it. For now he’s got the uber to use to get to the doctor/dentist/therapist/social services and I pay any out of pocket expenses for them if he chooses to take advantage of the help.</p><p></p><p>It’s too bad HE made his life so hard. Too bad your son did the same. Hang in there, you've got this.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Deni D, post: 731954, member: 22840"] Tired Mama ~ congrats on hanging up on him. I agree with Copa, I doubt he’s talking to people in jail that way, he’d get his block knocked off. Sounds like he’s been using you as his emotional punching bag for a while now. I’m in the process of trying to break that habit with my son. I did get a temporary restraining order and then dropped it with an agreement he’s not to come to my house and can only email me or call my significant other. He thinks the agreement is court ordered but the court really doesn’t want to get involved in that kind of stuff. My lawyer worked it into the court proceedings saying we had this agreement and the judge worded his discussion about it making it clear that we were to follow the agreement but slipped in quickly that it didn’t need to be entered into the proceedings. I know if I didn’t get this agreement done my son would feel entitled to phone blast me and show up on my doorstep to take his frustrations out on me. The way I figure it with normal adult children is they can call their parents and tell them about things that upset them and you let them talk and get it out. Give them advice if they ask for it, help them when it’s actually appropriate (like if they had a house fire or something), but mostly be a listening ear for them to work it out themselves. And then you have the untreated Bipolar condition, which is normal times 10. So you get someone who has no insight to their behavior, is overly emotional and needs someone to blame because they have made such a sh*t show of their lives. Who’s the one person who’s always been there for them? Must be that person’s fault because they’ve been through all of it with them. And who’s the one person who they figure will never walk away from them no matter how horribly they behave? As much as we would like to give them emotional support and advice if they want, adult children who act like ours do will not allow that. They don’t want emotional support, they want a hostage they can use to abuse, blame and get to rescue them from their bad choices. For now I’m holding strong but only because I have boundaries in place that other people have helped to put there. And I’m not going to ease up until/if I feel this crap is going to stop. When I no longer get nasty emails and my significant other is not getting the tantrums then I’ll see what I’ll do about it. For now he’s got the uber to use to get to the doctor/dentist/therapist/social services and I pay any out of pocket expenses for them if he chooses to take advantage of the help. It’s too bad HE made his life so hard. Too bad your son did the same. Hang in there, you've got this. [/QUOTE]
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