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Family of Origin
Life without Sis is amazingly, surprisingly good! Boundaries rock!
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 628185" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Scent, thank you. Your post made me think very hard and finally cry, but that's okay. When you wrote about how Mommie Dearest (my version) was actually eternally cutting me off because I stuck up for my two adopted children, it just made me melt into putty. That was her final straw with me...I would not listen to her dead mother's wishes about giving all the dang $5000 (as if it were a million) to my only biological son and Grandma's motive was because "he is my blood." It was mean. I loved my grandma with all my heart and soul. She was the only person in the family who stuck up for me, was there for me, and, yes, loved me.</p><p></p><p>But like everyone else in my sick, perverted loony bin family, she liked to divide and conquer and she very badly played favorites (such as her son and me). This time she did it with my own children. She knew me well. She knew I would hate it. It was her passive-aggressive "up yours" to the fact that I adopted two children and took attention away from 36. She obviously didn't approve of it, although she was not the kind to come out and say so. She did often say to me, "36 is special because he is my blood." As long as she only said it to me, I just changed the subject. But then she DID something to show us all and that changed things.</p><p></p><p>I don't keep secrets from my children.</p><p></p><p>There is no way I was going to sneak $5K to 36 and say, "Never tell Scott or Julie."</p><p></p><p>I sat 36 down and told him the story when it happened and we have spoken of it in his adulthood too. As much of a horrible difficult child he is, and with Scott dumping the entire family, and Julie wanting nothing to do with him because he was so cruel to her when they lived together, 36 still thinks I did the right thing. Even 36!</p><p></p><p>My Grandma loved me, oh, yes. She used me to show my mother that my mother had no control over me because she'd always shield me. So she set Mother up against me, but Mother allowed it (I blame them both). But at the end of her life, even after I sat with her several times telling her that I will never divide my own children that way and will have nothing to do with this money going only to 36, she still did it and put it in my Mother's hands. And when Mother got tired of holding onto it until 36 turned 21, because she didn't want to pay some tax she had to pay to keep it, she sent it to me and I didn't do what I was supposed to do, per my dead grandmother's instructions. And although my mother often fought with Grandma, she NEVER disobeyed her and was shocked *I* had. So was her beloved son, my icky uncle who used to call me a pest and Mother laughed when he did it.</p><p></p><p>So my loving Grandma, the ony member of my family of origin who loved me, kicked up a firestorm when she passed and that's when I think Mother decided to disown me. I'm laughing now because it's all so sick that it's funny.</p><p></p><p>Most of us have such sick parents. No wonder all three of their children have had so many issues.</p><p></p><p>I am doing good without Sis, who is so much like my mother.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 628185, member: 1550"] Scent, thank you. Your post made me think very hard and finally cry, but that's okay. When you wrote about how Mommie Dearest (my version) was actually eternally cutting me off because I stuck up for my two adopted children, it just made me melt into putty. That was her final straw with me...I would not listen to her dead mother's wishes about giving all the dang $5000 (as if it were a million) to my only biological son and Grandma's motive was because "he is my blood." It was mean. I loved my grandma with all my heart and soul. She was the only person in the family who stuck up for me, was there for me, and, yes, loved me. But like everyone else in my sick, perverted loony bin family, she liked to divide and conquer and she very badly played favorites (such as her son and me). This time she did it with my own children. She knew me well. She knew I would hate it. It was her passive-aggressive "up yours" to the fact that I adopted two children and took attention away from 36. She obviously didn't approve of it, although she was not the kind to come out and say so. She did often say to me, "36 is special because he is my blood." As long as she only said it to me, I just changed the subject. But then she DID something to show us all and that changed things. I don't keep secrets from my children. There is no way I was going to sneak $5K to 36 and say, "Never tell Scott or Julie." I sat 36 down and told him the story when it happened and we have spoken of it in his adulthood too. As much of a horrible difficult child he is, and with Scott dumping the entire family, and Julie wanting nothing to do with him because he was so cruel to her when they lived together, 36 still thinks I did the right thing. Even 36! My Grandma loved me, oh, yes. She used me to show my mother that my mother had no control over me because she'd always shield me. So she set Mother up against me, but Mother allowed it (I blame them both). But at the end of her life, even after I sat with her several times telling her that I will never divide my own children that way and will have nothing to do with this money going only to 36, she still did it and put it in my Mother's hands. And when Mother got tired of holding onto it until 36 turned 21, because she didn't want to pay some tax she had to pay to keep it, she sent it to me and I didn't do what I was supposed to do, per my dead grandmother's instructions. And although my mother often fought with Grandma, she NEVER disobeyed her and was shocked *I* had. So was her beloved son, my icky uncle who used to call me a pest and Mother laughed when he did it. So my loving Grandma, the ony member of my family of origin who loved me, kicked up a firestorm when she passed and that's when I think Mother decided to disown me. I'm laughing now because it's all so sick that it's funny. Most of us have such sick parents. No wonder all three of their children have had so many issues. I am doing good without Sis, who is so much like my mother. [/QUOTE]
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Life without Sis is amazingly, surprisingly good! Boundaries rock!
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