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Living a nightmare
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 604501" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Welcome Marthina. I am so very sorry you are in this situation with your daughter, It is certainly a heart break. I have much empathy for you, I have an older daughter with some of the same traits. I'm glad you've found us, being here with us (hopefully) can provide you with some comfort. many of us have been in your shoes. It helps to write it all down and send it out to others who know this landscape well.</p><p></p><p>The powerlessness, the fear and the uncertainty of all of it is so challenging for us parents. I understand you feeling as if you are watching a train wreck and not being able to stop it. Because she is an adult, you're correct, you cannot stop it.............but that doesn't take the pain away. </p><p></p><p>The best advice I can give to you is to seek out professional help. Find support in as many ways as you can. In doing that, it doesn't change your daughter and her choices, however, it changes YOU. It was what gave me my sanity, my peace of mind and my life back. If you haven't already, contact NAMI, the National Alliance on Mental Illness. You can find them online, they have chapters everywhere. They offer parent groups which are very helpful. They offer training for parents. They can give you support, understanding and tools for YOU. I found a year and a half long codependency group lead by therapists in a program for Substance abuse in a large HMO. I ended up in a therapist run group with other parents dealing with adult kids with mental illness. It was invaluable to listen to others stories so like my own. Being in an environment where I was not alone, could find not only support but understanding and empathy shifted my suffering and gave my life back to me.</p><p></p><p>The sad reality is that you have no control over your daughter. The other reality is that you can control your responses and learn to not only detach but to accept what you cannot change. From my perspective it takes time and a lot of support (from professionals) but you can find peace of mind in spite of the choices your daughter is making. Perhaps at this point you may think that is crazy and impossible, but it is possible and in fact I believe necessary.............your suffering over your daughter's life does not help her in ANY way.............it only means that you and the rest of the family will ruin your lives too. It's so difficult, I do understand that, but choose to walk in the direction of acceptance, choose to find a way to live <u>your </u>life. </p><p></p><p>I'm glad you're here. Keep posting, it helps. Find support for you and your family. I wish you peace.</p><p></p><p>PS/I just saw that you are in California. Kaiser offers the Substance Abuse/codependency program which was so helpful to me, if you are a member, you might look into it.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 604501, member: 13542"] Welcome Marthina. I am so very sorry you are in this situation with your daughter, It is certainly a heart break. I have much empathy for you, I have an older daughter with some of the same traits. I'm glad you've found us, being here with us (hopefully) can provide you with some comfort. many of us have been in your shoes. It helps to write it all down and send it out to others who know this landscape well. The powerlessness, the fear and the uncertainty of all of it is so challenging for us parents. I understand you feeling as if you are watching a train wreck and not being able to stop it. Because she is an adult, you're correct, you cannot stop it.............but that doesn't take the pain away. The best advice I can give to you is to seek out professional help. Find support in as many ways as you can. In doing that, it doesn't change your daughter and her choices, however, it changes YOU. It was what gave me my sanity, my peace of mind and my life back. If you haven't already, contact NAMI, the National Alliance on Mental Illness. You can find them online, they have chapters everywhere. They offer parent groups which are very helpful. They offer training for parents. They can give you support, understanding and tools for YOU. I found a year and a half long codependency group lead by therapists in a program for Substance abuse in a large HMO. I ended up in a therapist run group with other parents dealing with adult kids with mental illness. It was invaluable to listen to others stories so like my own. Being in an environment where I was not alone, could find not only support but understanding and empathy shifted my suffering and gave my life back to me. The sad reality is that you have no control over your daughter. The other reality is that you can control your responses and learn to not only detach but to accept what you cannot change. From my perspective it takes time and a lot of support (from professionals) but you can find peace of mind in spite of the choices your daughter is making. Perhaps at this point you may think that is crazy and impossible, but it is possible and in fact I believe necessary.............your suffering over your daughter's life does not help her in ANY way.............it only means that you and the rest of the family will ruin your lives too. It's so difficult, I do understand that, but choose to walk in the direction of acceptance, choose to find a way to live [U]your [/U]life. I'm glad you're here. Keep posting, it helps. Find support for you and your family. I wish you peace. PS/I just saw that you are in California. Kaiser offers the Substance Abuse/codependency program which was so helpful to me, if you are a member, you might look into it. [/QUOTE]
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