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<blockquote data-quote="Echolette" data-source="post: 697706" data-attributes="member: 17269"><p>MJ,</p><p></p><p>I have to say, you are presenting a really good approach, especially this part</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>You are very thoughtful and mature in realizing that all your help has not helped, and that the only help has to come from her.</p><p></p><p>I can't speak to the legalities of evicting, or taking custody of grandchildren. My understanding is that the latter is nigh impossible, and the former is very local-law dependent, but it sounds like you may have sorted that out.</p><p></p><p>So I'll address the part about dealing with our Difficult Child's.</p><p></p><p>First, you don't have to allow her the option of staying. I think you know that. If you don't want that, don't put it on the list of options. It might be better to offer the option of paying for her housing, and hers alone, for some short period of time. </p><p></p><p>If you do WANT to offer the option of staying, and she takes it, think of a list of things that will make her staying acceptable or even good for you, and write them down. The old contract, the one that you have probably already tried. Just...this time...very specific "move out" rules. And then stick to them.</p><p></p><p>The thing is...it sounds like you know she will fail. You might not want to go there, as you said, with a baby in the house.</p><p></p><p>As awful as this timing is, I agree with you that addressing it before the baby comes is best. Otherwise it seems likely that you will be stuck for a long while, either functionally raising a baby or within earshot of a baby being raised in a way that you find distressing.</p><p></p><p>I am really sorry you are in this position. I fully support your recognizing that this is not a situation of your making, and that you'd best extract yourself. </p><p></p><p>Ugh.</p><p></p><p>Good luck. Keep posting. Maybe some one will have something more helpful to say...mostly I just wanted you to know that I heard you, I support you, and I'll be thinking of you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Echolette, post: 697706, member: 17269"] MJ, I have to say, you are presenting a really good approach, especially this part You are very thoughtful and mature in realizing that all your help has not helped, and that the only help has to come from her. I can't speak to the legalities of evicting, or taking custody of grandchildren. My understanding is that the latter is nigh impossible, and the former is very local-law dependent, but it sounds like you may have sorted that out. So I'll address the part about dealing with our Difficult Child's. First, you don't have to allow her the option of staying. I think you know that. If you don't want that, don't put it on the list of options. It might be better to offer the option of paying for her housing, and hers alone, for some short period of time. If you do WANT to offer the option of staying, and she takes it, think of a list of things that will make her staying acceptable or even good for you, and write them down. The old contract, the one that you have probably already tried. Just...this time...very specific "move out" rules. And then stick to them. The thing is...it sounds like you know she will fail. You might not want to go there, as you said, with a baby in the house. As awful as this timing is, I agree with you that addressing it before the baby comes is best. Otherwise it seems likely that you will be stuck for a long while, either functionally raising a baby or within earshot of a baby being raised in a way that you find distressing. I am really sorry you are in this position. I fully support your recognizing that this is not a situation of your making, and that you'd best extract yourself. Ugh. Good luck. Keep posting. Maybe some one will have something more helpful to say...mostly I just wanted you to know that I heard you, I support you, and I'll be thinking of you. [/QUOTE]
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