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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 709338" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>I would do it in a public place, like a coffee shop or library so she cant explode. Write it out. Stick to your guns. If she threatens suicide hang up and call 911 right away. I never mess with suicide threats. Expect her to ramp it up and say horrible things to you when you set limits because, hey, she doesnt want to work or go for trearltment but she still wants you to pay for everything. But life isnt ike that. She isnt a child anymore and you are now her mother...not her mommy.</p><p></p><p>You cant force her to change, but you can set boundaries. "I will do this IF you do that or I wont. Deal is off,"</p><p></p><p>That way she is the one deciding if you help her out. She knows her part of the contract in order to get your financial help. She has to work and help pay her bills and go for help to address her issues. Otherwise, you dont help her. And you and her both have a copy of this contract (spell it out on paper).</p><p></p><p>Yes, she will be horrible. They all are. The grown kids who bring us here feel very entitled and think childishly and expect us to pay their way indefinitely. But we dont help them if we do that. We need to let them be angry, and we cant give in to manipulations.</p><p></p><p>I wish you luck. Do not ignore your own needs. You need to be very good to you!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 709338, member: 1550"] I would do it in a public place, like a coffee shop or library so she cant explode. Write it out. Stick to your guns. If she threatens suicide hang up and call 911 right away. I never mess with suicide threats. Expect her to ramp it up and say horrible things to you when you set limits because, hey, she doesnt want to work or go for trearltment but she still wants you to pay for everything. But life isnt ike that. She isnt a child anymore and you are now her mother...not her mommy. You cant force her to change, but you can set boundaries. "I will do this IF you do that or I wont. Deal is off," That way she is the one deciding if you help her out. She knows her part of the contract in order to get your financial help. She has to work and help pay her bills and go for help to address her issues. Otherwise, you dont help her. And you and her both have a copy of this contract (spell it out on paper). Yes, she will be horrible. They all are. The grown kids who bring us here feel very entitled and think childishly and expect us to pay their way indefinitely. But we dont help them if we do that. We need to let them be angry, and we cant give in to manipulations. I wish you luck. Do not ignore your own needs. You need to be very good to you! [/QUOTE]
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