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Failure to Thrive
Losing my mind!
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<blockquote data-quote="RN0441" data-source="post: 704106" data-attributes="member: 15032"><p>Leslie</p><p></p><p>Our son is still in Florida. We are in Illinois. He found a room on Craigslist and rents from a nice woman that lets him use the entire apartment and he has his own bedroom and bathroom. We assist with rent payments but he works and pays for all his own food and gas. He has been doing much better but is still very immature and it's a long road but at least our home is calm. He is better there than here with us because he just wasn't growing up at all with us. He has met a nice girl also. I honestly think she is an angel. My signature tells our story in short.</p><p></p><p>I let my husband handle him mostly now because I wasn't strong enough to be as firm as I needed to be and thought more with my heart. It wasn't good for our marriage either. Son kept slipping in between us and we have always had a good marriage and now we have that again and I am grateful. I don't think it was good for our son either. They know how to manipulate and pull on the heart strings.</p><p></p><p>Maybe your son will turn this around. If this is truly his first indiscretion then maybe it was a one time thing. But I would insist he pay you back and set up written rules for your home and what you expect. This is not only for him but for you too. We tried that but at the time my son was using and just didn't care about anything. He started with marijuana also and for him it was a gateway drug. I smoked it myself when I was a teen so didn't think it was so bad. For him it was. Some of them just have a mindset that they just don't care. We dealt with that for a long time. Very hard to understand that way of thinking.</p><p></p><p>You have to try to look at him as a young adult and not that little boy any longer. It is very hard for a mother to do. I still struggle with it a lot. I'm seeing a therapist now myself to help me maintain healthy boundaries with him. I have so many emotions as it relates to him that it is mind boggling. </p><p></p><p>Looking back I wish we had been stronger in the beginning of this but we didn't know what we were dealing with. It was like getting hit by a freight train. I know you do not want to call the police on your son but he needs to know this is his one and only free pass. They can turn on the tears to manipulate also but you know him best.</p><p></p><p>I really feel we have done our best to raise him and he has to decide what kind of life he wants to live. He has to be able to look at himself in the mirror every day. I hope that with more maturity this will happen. I am trying to focus on enjoying my life now because for the past five years it has been all about saving him. I finally realized that you cannot control another person and he has to want to save himself.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="RN0441, post: 704106, member: 15032"] Leslie Our son is still in Florida. We are in Illinois. He found a room on Craigslist and rents from a nice woman that lets him use the entire apartment and he has his own bedroom and bathroom. We assist with rent payments but he works and pays for all his own food and gas. He has been doing much better but is still very immature and it's a long road but at least our home is calm. He is better there than here with us because he just wasn't growing up at all with us. He has met a nice girl also. I honestly think she is an angel. My signature tells our story in short. I let my husband handle him mostly now because I wasn't strong enough to be as firm as I needed to be and thought more with my heart. It wasn't good for our marriage either. Son kept slipping in between us and we have always had a good marriage and now we have that again and I am grateful. I don't think it was good for our son either. They know how to manipulate and pull on the heart strings. Maybe your son will turn this around. If this is truly his first indiscretion then maybe it was a one time thing. But I would insist he pay you back and set up written rules for your home and what you expect. This is not only for him but for you too. We tried that but at the time my son was using and just didn't care about anything. He started with marijuana also and for him it was a gateway drug. I smoked it myself when I was a teen so didn't think it was so bad. For him it was. Some of them just have a mindset that they just don't care. We dealt with that for a long time. Very hard to understand that way of thinking. You have to try to look at him as a young adult and not that little boy any longer. It is very hard for a mother to do. I still struggle with it a lot. I'm seeing a therapist now myself to help me maintain healthy boundaries with him. I have so many emotions as it relates to him that it is mind boggling. Looking back I wish we had been stronger in the beginning of this but we didn't know what we were dealing with. It was like getting hit by a freight train. I know you do not want to call the police on your son but he needs to know this is his one and only free pass. They can turn on the tears to manipulate also but you know him best. I really feel we have done our best to raise him and he has to decide what kind of life he wants to live. He has to be able to look at himself in the mirror every day. I hope that with more maturity this will happen. I am trying to focus on enjoying my life now because for the past five years it has been all about saving him. I finally realized that you cannot control another person and he has to want to save himself. [/QUOTE]
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