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Lying Stealing Adult Child
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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 634683" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>You are sick and tired, ACE. That is a good day. Because you are now willing to really address the situation.</p><p></p><p>Enough is enough. </p><p></p><p>I find that when I reach this point, it is good for me to have a very short and very clear conversation with difficult child. Not about the whole ball of wax---because the need I have gets lost in the millions of words and emotions---but about the current situation.</p><p></p><p>I would write down what I want to say to her---what I want to happen. Keep it short and simple. don't go for the "big win" just for dealing with the immediate problem. </p><p></p><p>For example:</p><p></p><p>We need to talk. The living arrangement we have here isn't working anymore. So, here is our new arrangement, starting ____. You will need to start paying ___ per week to live here. You will need to start doing _____________ around the house. You will not use my charge accounts for anything anymore. If I find out you have, I will prosecute you. And, I want you to make plans to move out and get your own place by ________. Please know that I am not kidding, and I mean every single word that I say. If you don't start paying and do the things I've asked you to do, you will have to move out immediately. And I will not figure out for you when, and where and how. You will just need to leave and figure it out for yourself. I love you, and our relationship will be a lot better if we can make these changes. </p><p></p><p>Then walk out of the room. Don't listen to the excuses and the whining and the complaints and the crying. Just walk out. </p><p></p><p>So...what happens next? I doubt very much that she will do the above. After all, we have taught our difficult children that we will talk and talk and take and take and we will not back up what we say.</p><p></p><p>We listen to their lies and excuses and reasons and sad sob stories and we don't do what we said. They are great manipulators, and we have taught them well.</p><p></p><p>So, don't say anything you are truly not ready to back up. If you aren't sure you can do it, don't say it.</p><p></p><p>Starting today, you have to rebuild your own credibility and your own position as the owner of your house. </p><p></p><p>Keep it simple. Say what you mean, but don't say it mean. </p><p></p><p>We get it here. We care. Please keep sharing and let us know your thoughts and what you are planning to do. We respect your decisions.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 634683, member: 17542"] You are sick and tired, ACE. That is a good day. Because you are now willing to really address the situation. Enough is enough. I find that when I reach this point, it is good for me to have a very short and very clear conversation with difficult child. Not about the whole ball of wax---because the need I have gets lost in the millions of words and emotions---but about the current situation. I would write down what I want to say to her---what I want to happen. Keep it short and simple. don't go for the "big win" just for dealing with the immediate problem. For example: We need to talk. The living arrangement we have here isn't working anymore. So, here is our new arrangement, starting ____. You will need to start paying ___ per week to live here. You will need to start doing _____________ around the house. You will not use my charge accounts for anything anymore. If I find out you have, I will prosecute you. And, I want you to make plans to move out and get your own place by ________. Please know that I am not kidding, and I mean every single word that I say. If you don't start paying and do the things I've asked you to do, you will have to move out immediately. And I will not figure out for you when, and where and how. You will just need to leave and figure it out for yourself. I love you, and our relationship will be a lot better if we can make these changes. Then walk out of the room. Don't listen to the excuses and the whining and the complaints and the crying. Just walk out. So...what happens next? I doubt very much that she will do the above. After all, we have taught our difficult children that we will talk and talk and take and take and we will not back up what we say. We listen to their lies and excuses and reasons and sad sob stories and we don't do what we said. They are great manipulators, and we have taught them well. So, don't say anything you are truly not ready to back up. If you aren't sure you can do it, don't say it. Starting today, you have to rebuild your own credibility and your own position as the owner of your house. Keep it simple. Say what you mean, but don't say it mean. We get it here. We care. Please keep sharing and let us know your thoughts and what you are planning to do. We respect your decisions. [/QUOTE]
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