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Family of Origin
Malignant Narcissism
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 674991" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>I am not sure about this.</p><p></p><p>I will speak for myself here. I could not understand how my sister could act as she did towards my mother. And I.</p><p></p><p>For example, the most inconsequential of the things she did:</p><p></p><p>How could she extract money from my for the safekeeping of my stuff, knowing she had taken half of it, lost another part and trashed much of the rest?</p><p></p><p>I would not do such a thing, and if I did I would feel guilty, not justified.</p><p></p><p>My sister, I feel certain, felt that anything she did to cause me to feel a sense of loss would be justified because of her anger at me, her anger at her life and to restore a sense of equity between us. A pay back. She would feel entitled to do these things, because she had the power to do so. She does it if she can.</p><p></p><p>It all boils down to power over for her. One does to another what is justified by one's self-interest and emotional needs. There seems to be no abstract principle at work except self-gratification and fear. I recall a graduate class I began in Moral Development many years ago but did not complete. There are stages of moral development that parallel Piaget's cognitive stages of development. By no means do all people reach the highest stage. If I think of it my sister may not have gone far beyond the stage of conventional morality where one keeps up appearances and what is hidden is not considered to count. She may or may not have an internalized moral code based upon abstract values other than what benefits her.</p><p></p><p>What I am saying here is that it is not just that people may be different than us. They may view the same world with an entirely different lens, and apply different criteria. And this changes everything they see and feel.</p><p></p><p>That is why we are in such danger in relation to them. They really do not see us and them in anything like we do. They might not feel the same feelings as we do. Empathy may not exist. Our empathy for them, renders us vulnerable, and greatly at a disadvantage to them, and greatly distorts the playing field.</p><p></p><p>At the end of the day, we have to find empathy ourselves. To not keep judging ourselves as remiss for failing in relation to them. Painfully, some of us may be in the same position relative to our children. A far greater hurt.</p><p></p><p>COPA</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 674991, member: 18958"] I am not sure about this. I will speak for myself here. I could not understand how my sister could act as she did towards my mother. And I. For example, the most inconsequential of the things she did: How could she extract money from my for the safekeeping of my stuff, knowing she had taken half of it, lost another part and trashed much of the rest? I would not do such a thing, and if I did I would feel guilty, not justified. My sister, I feel certain, felt that anything she did to cause me to feel a sense of loss would be justified because of her anger at me, her anger at her life and to restore a sense of equity between us. A pay back. She would feel entitled to do these things, because she had the power to do so. She does it if she can. It all boils down to power over for her. One does to another what is justified by one's self-interest and emotional needs. There seems to be no abstract principle at work except self-gratification and fear. I recall a graduate class I began in Moral Development many years ago but did not complete. There are stages of moral development that parallel Piaget's cognitive stages of development. By no means do all people reach the highest stage. If I think of it my sister may not have gone far beyond the stage of conventional morality where one keeps up appearances and what is hidden is not considered to count. She may or may not have an internalized moral code based upon abstract values other than what benefits her. What I am saying here is that it is not just that people may be different than us. They may view the same world with an entirely different lens, and apply different criteria. And this changes everything they see and feel. That is why we are in such danger in relation to them. They really do not see us and them in anything like we do. They might not feel the same feelings as we do. Empathy may not exist. Our empathy for them, renders us vulnerable, and greatly at a disadvantage to them, and greatly distorts the playing field. At the end of the day, we have to find empathy ourselves. To not keep judging ourselves as remiss for failing in relation to them. Painfully, some of us may be in the same position relative to our children. A far greater hurt. COPA [/QUOTE]
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