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Manipulative adult children
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember1" data-source="post: 755489" data-attributes="member: 23706"><p>There is no reason not to say NO. Period. Your daughter is a middle age woman whom is bossing you around as if she has the right to tell her own loving mother what to do. Would you let anyone else do that? Why can she? Are you in therapy? I am! This helps me remember to stand up for ME.</p><p></p><p>Hey, as an ex enabler I know it can be hard to say no to our kids, but I also now know that we have to. We can't live forever. What will they do then, if they are middle age now and still needing us like a child does? </p><p></p><p>We are treated only as poorly as we allow. Trust me, most of our retirement money went to my oldest child. But that is over. No more. It is up to her to thrive now or not. We deserve wonderful golden years free of being mommies to our grown kids. We earned it.</p><p></p><p>I do feel very badly for you. It is hard to say no to our kids. Often we can't see them as grown up and we have unresolved and usually unnecessary guilt. My heart hurts for you. I stood in your shoes not that long ago.</p><p></p><p>But you can't give her all your money while she spends her own like water. It's unfair to you. Even if you have to stop answering phone calls and texts, and I highly recommend therapy, you can not keep this up. It is not good for you or your daughter, who needs to grow up. She never will if you don't force it. She still may not, but that is on her then. You have to try like I have to try.</p><p></p><p>I send prayers and lots of love and support. We are here to hold you up!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember1, post: 755489, member: 23706"] There is no reason not to say NO. Period. Your daughter is a middle age woman whom is bossing you around as if she has the right to tell her own loving mother what to do. Would you let anyone else do that? Why can she? Are you in therapy? I am! This helps me remember to stand up for ME. Hey, as an ex enabler I know it can be hard to say no to our kids, but I also now know that we have to. We can't live forever. What will they do then, if they are middle age now and still needing us like a child does? We are treated only as poorly as we allow. Trust me, most of our retirement money went to my oldest child. But that is over. No more. It is up to her to thrive now or not. We deserve wonderful golden years free of being mommies to our grown kids. We earned it. I do feel very badly for you. It is hard to say no to our kids. Often we can't see them as grown up and we have unresolved and usually unnecessary guilt. My heart hurts for you. I stood in your shoes not that long ago. But you can't give her all your money while she spends her own like water. It's unfair to you. Even if you have to stop answering phone calls and texts, and I highly recommend therapy, you can not keep this up. It is not good for you or your daughter, who needs to grow up. She never will if you don't force it. She still may not, but that is on her then. You have to try like I have to try. I send prayers and lots of love and support. We are here to hold you up! [/QUOTE]
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