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Manipulative adult children
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<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 755491" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>Hi Blueflower,</p><p>Welcome and sorry for your troubles with your daughter. We have most of us, been in the spot your in, woke up one day realizing that our “helping” our adult kids got into this awful routine of them expecting more and more, to our own detriment, health issues and dwindling retirement funds.</p><p> Do you have any other children Blue? My well children helped me realize the cycle we were in with my wayward two. Is there someone you have spoken with, a therapist? Counseling helped open my eyes up a bit. Stand up for myself.</p><p>Are you safe with your daughter? Mine have addictions and can be violent. Drug use is why they have not taken responsibility and become self sustaining, the way we had wished for them while raising them.</p><p>One quote that really helps me is “What you allow, will continue.” I have also learned that overdoing for others is not healthy for them or for us. We will not be on this earth forever to rescue our adult children from their poor choices. Their feeling of entitlement and over dependence on us is not a healthy, loving relationship. It becomes very lopsided and depressing. Sometimes parents cave because it is easier than dealing with the adult sized tantrums and blaming that comes with saying no. But, love says no. Setting boundaries is a good thing. There is a limit to our resources. Our adult children should acknowledge and honor that.</p><p>I am glad you found this forum, there are so many kind people here who have been where you are at.</p><p>Keep posting and let us know how you are doing.</p><p>Be kind to yourself, you deserve to have peace of mind.</p><p>(((Hugs)))</p><p>Leafy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 755491, member: 19522"] Hi Blueflower, Welcome and sorry for your troubles with your daughter. We have most of us, been in the spot your in, woke up one day realizing that our “helping” our adult kids got into this awful routine of them expecting more and more, to our own detriment, health issues and dwindling retirement funds. Do you have any other children Blue? My well children helped me realize the cycle we were in with my wayward two. Is there someone you have spoken with, a therapist? Counseling helped open my eyes up a bit. Stand up for myself. Are you safe with your daughter? Mine have addictions and can be violent. Drug use is why they have not taken responsibility and become self sustaining, the way we had wished for them while raising them. One quote that really helps me is “What you allow, will continue.” I have also learned that overdoing for others is not healthy for them or for us. We will not be on this earth forever to rescue our adult children from their poor choices. Their feeling of entitlement and over dependence on us is not a healthy, loving relationship. It becomes very lopsided and depressing. Sometimes parents cave because it is easier than dealing with the adult sized tantrums and blaming that comes with saying no. But, love says no. Setting boundaries is a good thing. There is a limit to our resources. Our adult children should acknowledge and honor that. I am glad you found this forum, there are so many kind people here who have been where you are at. Keep posting and let us know how you are doing. Be kind to yourself, you deserve to have peace of mind. (((Hugs))) Leafy [/QUOTE]
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