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<blockquote data-quote="JMom" data-source="post: 755492" data-attributes="member: 19892"><p>Dear Blue,</p><p></p><p>A friend helped me with the same issue. She said "No is a complete sentence".</p><p></p><p>We can say no out of love. We can say no and regain respect in ourselves and our decisions. You stand up for yourself by detaching with love. You can have a happy, healthy life and let the adult child learn. I agree with Leafy, you will not always be there, so it is doing her a kindness to let her figure it out now while you are still here. Who will provide for her when you are gone? My guess is no one.</p><p></p><p> I cut my 50 year old brother off from everything. He held a job for 2 months so far. It is the longest I can ever remember him being employed consecutively. Amazing what adults can do when they have to. She is going to feel entitled until you take your life back.</p><p></p><p>Saying no will help you stand up for yourself. Start living for YOU. When we focus on ourselves, we regain control (of us). There is a lot to be said of us minding our business. The first time someone said to me "It's not your business, mind YOUR business", I was so OFFENDED. The funny thing is that no one said it directly to me, I was reading a book that told me! It was called Codependent No More by Melody Beattie. Girl, I was hot! If I ever meet Beattie, I'm gonna tell her that it was rude, but worked, lol.</p><p></p><p>When she asks for "help", put that amount in savings. You will quickly see the rewards and start planning for YOU to enjoy your retirement ( and pay for your medical bills).</p><p></p><p>Take baby steps. Say no, then Ruuuunnnn. </p><p></p><p>Hugs!</p><p>Jmom</p><p></p><p>Hugs!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="JMom, post: 755492, member: 19892"] Dear Blue, A friend helped me with the same issue. She said "No is a complete sentence". We can say no out of love. We can say no and regain respect in ourselves and our decisions. You stand up for yourself by detaching with love. You can have a happy, healthy life and let the adult child learn. I agree with Leafy, you will not always be there, so it is doing her a kindness to let her figure it out now while you are still here. Who will provide for her when you are gone? My guess is no one. I cut my 50 year old brother off from everything. He held a job for 2 months so far. It is the longest I can ever remember him being employed consecutively. Amazing what adults can do when they have to. She is going to feel entitled until you take your life back. Saying no will help you stand up for yourself. Start living for YOU. When we focus on ourselves, we regain control (of us). There is a lot to be said of us minding our business. The first time someone said to me "It's not your business, mind YOUR business", I was so OFFENDED. The funny thing is that no one said it directly to me, I was reading a book that told me! It was called Codependent No More by Melody Beattie. Girl, I was hot! If I ever meet Beattie, I'm gonna tell her that it was rude, but worked, lol. When she asks for "help", put that amount in savings. You will quickly see the rewards and start planning for YOU to enjoy your retirement ( and pay for your medical bills). Take baby steps. Say no, then Ruuuunnnn. Hugs! Jmom Hugs! [/QUOTE]
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