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Parent Emeritus
Manipulative adult children
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<blockquote data-quote="Deni D" data-source="post: 762353" data-attributes="member: 22840"><p>Thing is no matter someone's faith, a lot of times what looks like helping on the surface is really doing harm. If we provide for and do things for someone who can do them for themselves we are teaching them we don't have confidence in their abilities to do for themselves, that they are, in fact, helpless as they have come to believe. </p><p></p><p>The very hard part is to figure out what they are actually capable of and how to influence them to be responsible for themselves and gain confidence in themselves. I still work on that every day. As others have said, having clear boundaries and short concise communication about what you will and will not do is needed. Holding steady on not getting run over by the guilt trips is really hard. </p><p></p><p>Bluebell, one thing my son does these days is use some sort of app where he divides his money for different types of expenses and what he is saving up for. As long as he doesn't do immediate transfers of money, I think he has to wait 5 or 6 days, it costs him nothing.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Deni D, post: 762353, member: 22840"] Thing is no matter someone's faith, a lot of times what looks like helping on the surface is really doing harm. If we provide for and do things for someone who can do them for themselves we are teaching them we don't have confidence in their abilities to do for themselves, that they are, in fact, helpless as they have come to believe. The very hard part is to figure out what they are actually capable of and how to influence them to be responsible for themselves and gain confidence in themselves. I still work on that every day. As others have said, having clear boundaries and short concise communication about what you will and will not do is needed. Holding steady on not getting run over by the guilt trips is really hard. Bluebell, one thing my son does these days is use some sort of app where he divides his money for different types of expenses and what he is saving up for. As long as he doesn't do immediate transfers of money, I think he has to wait 5 or 6 days, it costs him nothing. [/QUOTE]
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