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marriage exercise
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<blockquote data-quote="Jena" data-source="post: 421861" data-attributes="member: 4514"><p>oh Jo good stuff. matts mom also and anyone else who took the time........</p><p> </p><p>it kinda made me laugh because when i suggested we clear it up by writing down "positives" what's in marriage, what we'd like more of, build upon........... the guy wrote a page and a half of "what I don't want you to do" and what I want more of. sex!! he expects it everynight same as before.......</p><p> </p><p>so when i tried to be positive he flipped it into a negative thats' when i said ok how about we write down things we love about eachother. because my list to him was all good first list. his list to mine was as i said huh what?? lol. than he only had 5 things lol. again laughing. my list had like 15.</p><p> </p><p>like for example husband can't sleep just like my difficult child. so at night i get difficult child finally contained than i have husband to handle. i've asked nicely would you mind wearing a strip for your nose to aviod snoring. when he finally does go down usually 3 a.m. he snores all night really loudly. his response no i'm not wearing anything you get something. huh what?? </p><p> </p><p>than i asked him is there anyway a few nights a week you can go to bed earlier?? our home is small and since i got back from portland his new thing is he stays up till 3a .m. either in our bathroom in our room on his computer, or he goes in kitchen and eats just about everything. have i mentioned how much weigh he's gained?? he's like 300 lbs. easy. </p><p> </p><p>i said babe it's hard you get in, we talk if we spend sometime together great, than he's off and running into the kitchen, eating, opening cabinets watching t.v. he woke difficult child last night by accident and i couldnt' get down till 3. again i asked him can i get you something natural for sleep?? he tried one thing before didn't work. he said i'm not taking anything!</p><p> </p><p>i said nicely honey sleep is essential, you can't function next day days' your off due to being up till than, are cranky with kids etc. let's try an herbal remedy. again a no go.</p><p> </p><p>i am not a therapist nor a dr. i'm just a woman watching this man i married. for years i have felt he is so similar to my difficult child in so many ways. high defiance level, doesnt' take direction well at all, explosive at times when he's angry finding words are hard, sleep issues, goes from sweet as pie to nasty in 2.1 seconds. what can i say i think he's a difficult child. a very good hearted, selfless difficult child at times. yet still a difficult child. he refuses to admit there are issues, he cancelled evaluation at pysch office several mos. ago just goes to therapy. is really smart so gives T what he wants and T doesnt' suspect adhd, add, BiPolar (BP).</p><p> </p><p>i'm far from perfect, yet truth is house is always clean, food in fridge, dogs and kids taken care of, his pj's are waiting on bed for him when he gets in, i always plan junk to do wtih kids, buy xmas gifts, i keep ontop of that. i wait up each and every night for him. i support him with the business emotionally and sit for hours listening about new ideas etc. i've forgiven him for all his wrong doings (indelities) in the beginning of our relationship years ago, lies. so overall i have to say i'm a good person with a good heart a good mom and a good wife. could i try harder in wife dept.?? def. i can always try harder in any dept. of our life together.</p><p> </p><p>you guys are right hes stuck in for some bad junk, yet what you don't know is so have i. tha'Tourette's Syndrome just what you do when your best friends. i've stuck in also. and there was alot more than what i mentioned.</p><p> </p><p>i also told him i love you, yet ih ave to be honest me and you having sex everynight isn't going to happen. he wants that. i said i have swollen knees some nights burning legs. that's life. </p><p> </p><p>we'll see how it goes with the list. mine was be affectionate besides intimacy..... and respect me 24/7. his was sexual junk ofcourse and no double standard for this week. already last night he text on his way home about the thing on his list. yet we were in teh middle of discussing something important. lol.</p><p> </p><p>i'm not giving up yet. we'll c how it goes. he openly admits he doesnt' like being home on his days off. i said wow thats'a problem. he said all i want to do is sleep. i said well when you stay up till 3 i'd feel that way also. he said kids are rough, their fine my stepson has adhd you just have to know how to handlehim, yelling isnt' the way. difficult child is perfect days we have the kids and my stepdaughter is a walk in the park.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Jena, post: 421861, member: 4514"] oh Jo good stuff. matts mom also and anyone else who took the time........ it kinda made me laugh because when i suggested we clear it up by writing down "positives" what's in marriage, what we'd like more of, build upon........... the guy wrote a page and a half of "what I don't want you to do" and what I want more of. sex!! he expects it everynight same as before....... so when i tried to be positive he flipped it into a negative thats' when i said ok how about we write down things we love about eachother. because my list to him was all good first list. his list to mine was as i said huh what?? lol. than he only had 5 things lol. again laughing. my list had like 15. like for example husband can't sleep just like my difficult child. so at night i get difficult child finally contained than i have husband to handle. i've asked nicely would you mind wearing a strip for your nose to aviod snoring. when he finally does go down usually 3 a.m. he snores all night really loudly. his response no i'm not wearing anything you get something. huh what?? than i asked him is there anyway a few nights a week you can go to bed earlier?? our home is small and since i got back from portland his new thing is he stays up till 3a .m. either in our bathroom in our room on his computer, or he goes in kitchen and eats just about everything. have i mentioned how much weigh he's gained?? he's like 300 lbs. easy. i said babe it's hard you get in, we talk if we spend sometime together great, than he's off and running into the kitchen, eating, opening cabinets watching t.v. he woke difficult child last night by accident and i couldnt' get down till 3. again i asked him can i get you something natural for sleep?? he tried one thing before didn't work. he said i'm not taking anything! i said nicely honey sleep is essential, you can't function next day days' your off due to being up till than, are cranky with kids etc. let's try an herbal remedy. again a no go. i am not a therapist nor a dr. i'm just a woman watching this man i married. for years i have felt he is so similar to my difficult child in so many ways. high defiance level, doesnt' take direction well at all, explosive at times when he's angry finding words are hard, sleep issues, goes from sweet as pie to nasty in 2.1 seconds. what can i say i think he's a difficult child. a very good hearted, selfless difficult child at times. yet still a difficult child. he refuses to admit there are issues, he cancelled evaluation at pysch office several mos. ago just goes to therapy. is really smart so gives T what he wants and T doesnt' suspect adhd, add, BiPolar (BP). i'm far from perfect, yet truth is house is always clean, food in fridge, dogs and kids taken care of, his pj's are waiting on bed for him when he gets in, i always plan junk to do wtih kids, buy xmas gifts, i keep ontop of that. i wait up each and every night for him. i support him with the business emotionally and sit for hours listening about new ideas etc. i've forgiven him for all his wrong doings (indelities) in the beginning of our relationship years ago, lies. so overall i have to say i'm a good person with a good heart a good mom and a good wife. could i try harder in wife dept.?? def. i can always try harder in any dept. of our life together. you guys are right hes stuck in for some bad junk, yet what you don't know is so have i. tha'Tourette's Syndrome just what you do when your best friends. i've stuck in also. and there was alot more than what i mentioned. i also told him i love you, yet ih ave to be honest me and you having sex everynight isn't going to happen. he wants that. i said i have swollen knees some nights burning legs. that's life. we'll see how it goes with the list. mine was be affectionate besides intimacy..... and respect me 24/7. his was sexual junk ofcourse and no double standard for this week. already last night he text on his way home about the thing on his list. yet we were in teh middle of discussing something important. lol. i'm not giving up yet. we'll c how it goes. he openly admits he doesnt' like being home on his days off. i said wow thats'a problem. he said all i want to do is sleep. i said well when you stay up till 3 i'd feel that way also. he said kids are rough, their fine my stepson has adhd you just have to know how to handlehim, yelling isnt' the way. difficult child is perfect days we have the kids and my stepdaughter is a walk in the park. [/QUOTE]
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