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Meltdown begets meltdown?
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<blockquote data-quote="LauraH" data-source="post: 744121" data-attributes="member: 22877"><p>Okay so you are all spot on with your assessment of my post. First, to clarify, he does not live here, although he does seem to "hang out" here a great deal, which is sometimes a good thing, sometimes tolerable and sometimes unbearable. He stayed here last night because his withdrawal from his medications (and likely withdrawal from street drugs as well) he was exhausted, and by the time he was able to get his medications they knocked him out almost immediately. I'm thinking that had something to do with why he slept so late today. I had decided not to confront him with that until I see what happens over the next day or two. Supposedly he has living arrangements although when I ask him about the friend he's purportedly staying with (a girl that he's known for years) he gives me answers that are vague and even shady sounding. Something isn't smelling right, but I don't want to jump to conclusions because when I do they are often the wrong conclusions. I assume his suitcase is still there as he doesn't have it with him when he comes to our house.</p><p></p><p>He is well aware of our expectations and boundaries, although he tries to play the "you never told me that" card or sometimes the "I don't remember you saying that card." He got annoyed at me last night after we ate because he left his plate on the coffee table and went back to do something on the computer. We are constantly in an uphill battle against roaches, so while leaving a phone charger or deck of cards on the coffee table isn't a big deal, leaving dirty dishes is. We literally have to take our dishes to the sink and rinse them and/or put them in the dishwasher immediately in order to not entice the bugs. He said I was just a control freak and neat freak (if you saw my house that you would make you laugh out loud) and have to have things my own way all the time. He doesn't get it...or just chooses to be lazy and obstinate...I don't know.</p><p></p><p>When I try to discuss the boundaries with him he cuts me off, gets loud and angry, gets defensive, and dregs up my past "transgressions". I am easily sidetracked and when he makes me lose my train of thought it's usually difficult to get back on it and next thing you know he's taken the floor to rail against me and how lacking I am in understanding and sensitivity to his illness. Granted, my understanding is limited and I find myself looking at things through the lens of a rational adult, which he is far from that. But years ago my brother quoted me a line from a movie he had seen about a criminal whose defense lawyer was using his turbulent and chaotic life as an abused child to defend the behavior. Someone, either the judge or prosecutor said "That may explain your behavior but it does not excuse or justify it." And that's how I see things with my son. Yes he's damaged and has heavy baggage, but he thinks that means sympathy with no accountability. Wrong...</p><p></p><p>I met my husband shortly before he locked up and closed his store for the night and then we had a nice relaxed dinner at a nearby Barbecue restaurant. We couldn't afford it but we both needed it and it helped my disposition immensely. Assuming my son shows up at some point tonight before we go to bed, he has agreed to make him sit down and hear us out as we go over the boundaries one last time. I want to get it in writing but my printer is down so what I will do is email it to my husband and have him print it at work tomorrow. Maybe we should have my son sign off on it as well, so that when he says we never had the conversation or whatnot, I can show him his signature confirming that we did indeed have the conversation. I am just really apprehensive about his possible reaction, having seen his bipolar meltdowns and rages most of his life now. Like I said if I have to I'll involve our landlord and the police, although there we are risking potential fallout and possible eviction. At this point that's a risk I am absolutely willing to take. </p><p></p><ul> <li data-xf-list-type="ul">What happens when he runs out of medications again? Can you tell him he’s on his own now since he is not keeping up his end of the deal with getting to appointments?</li> </ul><p>That's the plan as long as he shows no effort in getting himself squared away. Of course he will then say that we have to let him stay with us as he's going through withdrawal. Uh, nope, no way.</p><p></p><p>Has he made any progress towards the things he came down there to do? What has he accomplished since he’s come home?</p><p>Very little from what I can see, if any. No job yet, no NA meetings after that first one, no disability application, nothing. And no he's not eligible for Medicaid in Florida, although he would be if he were approved for disability, which he refuses to do on the grounds that the process is too long and complicated and doesn't pay enough to live on. (because he's living so well on a $0 income)</p><p></p><p>As far as the two weeks' worth of medications, we didn't just hand him the money. The first time i went with him to the pharmacy and paid. The second time my husband handed him the money but I went with him to get it filled. As far as I know he takes it according to schedule. I'm sure that's offset by whatever drugs he has been and/or still is doing though.</p><p></p><p>Has anyone staged an intervention (along the lines of that show on...A&E?) I don't know where to look for information on that possibility and I have no idea how much it would cost, so that could preclude it right off the bat. Plus I know the person in question would have to be willing to participate, and that's a big if with my son. Also as far as I can tell it would just be me, my son, possibly my husband, and a mediator. No clue if that would be effective or just a waste of time and money even if it's something we can afford. If anyone knows of any valid links to information I would welcome them. I googled intervention the other day and mostly got ads and links to websites about the TV show.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="LauraH, post: 744121, member: 22877"] Okay so you are all spot on with your assessment of my post. First, to clarify, he does not live here, although he does seem to "hang out" here a great deal, which is sometimes a good thing, sometimes tolerable and sometimes unbearable. He stayed here last night because his withdrawal from his medications (and likely withdrawal from street drugs as well) he was exhausted, and by the time he was able to get his medications they knocked him out almost immediately. I'm thinking that had something to do with why he slept so late today. I had decided not to confront him with that until I see what happens over the next day or two. Supposedly he has living arrangements although when I ask him about the friend he's purportedly staying with (a girl that he's known for years) he gives me answers that are vague and even shady sounding. Something isn't smelling right, but I don't want to jump to conclusions because when I do they are often the wrong conclusions. I assume his suitcase is still there as he doesn't have it with him when he comes to our house. He is well aware of our expectations and boundaries, although he tries to play the "you never told me that" card or sometimes the "I don't remember you saying that card." He got annoyed at me last night after we ate because he left his plate on the coffee table and went back to do something on the computer. We are constantly in an uphill battle against roaches, so while leaving a phone charger or deck of cards on the coffee table isn't a big deal, leaving dirty dishes is. We literally have to take our dishes to the sink and rinse them and/or put them in the dishwasher immediately in order to not entice the bugs. He said I was just a control freak and neat freak (if you saw my house that you would make you laugh out loud) and have to have things my own way all the time. He doesn't get it...or just chooses to be lazy and obstinate...I don't know. When I try to discuss the boundaries with him he cuts me off, gets loud and angry, gets defensive, and dregs up my past "transgressions". I am easily sidetracked and when he makes me lose my train of thought it's usually difficult to get back on it and next thing you know he's taken the floor to rail against me and how lacking I am in understanding and sensitivity to his illness. Granted, my understanding is limited and I find myself looking at things through the lens of a rational adult, which he is far from that. But years ago my brother quoted me a line from a movie he had seen about a criminal whose defense lawyer was using his turbulent and chaotic life as an abused child to defend the behavior. Someone, either the judge or prosecutor said "That may explain your behavior but it does not excuse or justify it." And that's how I see things with my son. Yes he's damaged and has heavy baggage, but he thinks that means sympathy with no accountability. Wrong... I met my husband shortly before he locked up and closed his store for the night and then we had a nice relaxed dinner at a nearby Barbecue restaurant. We couldn't afford it but we both needed it and it helped my disposition immensely. Assuming my son shows up at some point tonight before we go to bed, he has agreed to make him sit down and hear us out as we go over the boundaries one last time. I want to get it in writing but my printer is down so what I will do is email it to my husband and have him print it at work tomorrow. Maybe we should have my son sign off on it as well, so that when he says we never had the conversation or whatnot, I can show him his signature confirming that we did indeed have the conversation. I am just really apprehensive about his possible reaction, having seen his bipolar meltdowns and rages most of his life now. Like I said if I have to I'll involve our landlord and the police, although there we are risking potential fallout and possible eviction. At this point that's a risk I am absolutely willing to take. [LIST] [*]What happens when he runs out of medications again? Can you tell him he’s on his own now since he is not keeping up his end of the deal with getting to appointments? [/LIST] That's the plan as long as he shows no effort in getting himself squared away. Of course he will then say that we have to let him stay with us as he's going through withdrawal. Uh, nope, no way. Has he made any progress towards the things he came down there to do? What has he accomplished since he’s come home? Very little from what I can see, if any. No job yet, no NA meetings after that first one, no disability application, nothing. And no he's not eligible for Medicaid in Florida, although he would be if he were approved for disability, which he refuses to do on the grounds that the process is too long and complicated and doesn't pay enough to live on. (because he's living so well on a $0 income) As far as the two weeks' worth of medications, we didn't just hand him the money. The first time i went with him to the pharmacy and paid. The second time my husband handed him the money but I went with him to get it filled. As far as I know he takes it according to schedule. I'm sure that's offset by whatever drugs he has been and/or still is doing though. Has anyone staged an intervention (along the lines of that show on...A&E?) I don't know where to look for information on that possibility and I have no idea how much it would cost, so that could preclude it right off the bat. Plus I know the person in question would have to be willing to participate, and that's a big if with my son. Also as far as I can tell it would just be me, my son, possibly my husband, and a mediator. No clue if that would be effective or just a waste of time and money even if it's something we can afford. If anyone knows of any valid links to information I would welcome them. I googled intervention the other day and mostly got ads and links to websites about the TV show. [/QUOTE]
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