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Meltdown begets meltdown?
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<blockquote data-quote="newstart" data-source="post: 744139" data-attributes="member: 22416"><p>Laura, How old is your son?</p><p></p><p>Your story reminds me very much of my daughter from the ages of 19-28. I simply could not stand her anymore. You are not being a nit pick in your own home, YOU are entitled to run your own home anyway you want and your wayward son knows better than to act like that. When my daughter was living here it was almost like she was begging me to throw her out, she knew that I could not tollerate her awful behavior, it was causing health issues with me and I did not want to live in constant turmoil.</p><p>My daughter was constantly fighting with who ever she was dating at the time and I was forced to listen to it while she lived here.</p><p>One day I told my daughter she has to leave, I simply could not put up with her abuse any longer. I prayed and meditated about it and told myself that I deserve to live in peace. The main reason I tolerated her BS so long was that I was so afraid of her dying..After much prayer I realized that our relationship was like a death anyway and by allowing her to abuse me, she was actually killing my spirit and making me useless for my husband, family members, Church and community, she was robbing my very soul just being around her. I love my daughter more than anyone in this entire world, and I was not teaching her anything constructive by allowing her to use and abuse me.. I went to counseling with her and during that session told her that I will not be tolerating her any longer. I cut ties with her for 3 months, cut them sharp and hard, did not answer the phone or door when she tried to contact me. She tried calling me from other peoples phones but I did not answer. I wanted her to feel what life was like without me and if it was better for her I would have been ok with that decision because taking her abuse was not good for her or me. I have buried a child so I know what a death feels like, me having to do this to my daughter felt harder than a death. It was the hardest thing but it was the best and only choice I had. When my daughter realized I had the strength to do this, it helped set her into motion to try to straighten herself out. It is horrible to admit but I tolerated her way longer than I should have. I kept taking her to therapy and working with it day after day until I realized I was doing more work than she was trying to get her well, she was not even trying.</p><p>My daughter has severe anxiety along with all her other stuff and she needed to learn to manage it, I tried to do it for years and she did not even try. Saying I have had enough and making it stop was the best for both of us. I took the chance that I may never see her again and in reality I was ok with that because I did not want another person in my life that was seeking to destroy me, I could continue to pray and love her from afar but not take the blunt of her beatings.</p><p></p><p>Slowly she came around and we ended up having a workable realtionship but had I not got aggressive with it I would still be having the belligerent abuse now.. Even now things are not easy, they are better and when she does get belligerent she is quick to make things right because she knows I have the strength to blow her off.</p><p></p><p>I had to be the one to make the madness stop because she would not. The abuse stopped because I took myself out of the picture. I have to admit I cried at least 3 times a day because the situation was just so awful. This is what I have learned.</p><p>1. My daughter with all her mental illness and other odd behaviors knows right from wrong and it much more together and smarter than I give her credit for.</p><p>2. If my daughter can make up elablorate lies and can steal so much money from me, she can shelter and feed herself.</p><p>3. If I act like prey she will become a preditor. If I tolerate her abuse she will keep giving it out.</p><p>4. I worked out letting go of being so afraid of her death. Our relationship was a living death and I just could not take it any longer.</p><p>5. Our children need us as much as we need them. They might not act like it but they do unless they are a true psychopath and if they are it is best to love from afar.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="newstart, post: 744139, member: 22416"] Laura, How old is your son? Your story reminds me very much of my daughter from the ages of 19-28. I simply could not stand her anymore. You are not being a nit pick in your own home, YOU are entitled to run your own home anyway you want and your wayward son knows better than to act like that. When my daughter was living here it was almost like she was begging me to throw her out, she knew that I could not tollerate her awful behavior, it was causing health issues with me and I did not want to live in constant turmoil. My daughter was constantly fighting with who ever she was dating at the time and I was forced to listen to it while she lived here. One day I told my daughter she has to leave, I simply could not put up with her abuse any longer. I prayed and meditated about it and told myself that I deserve to live in peace. The main reason I tolerated her BS so long was that I was so afraid of her dying..After much prayer I realized that our relationship was like a death anyway and by allowing her to abuse me, she was actually killing my spirit and making me useless for my husband, family members, Church and community, she was robbing my very soul just being around her. I love my daughter more than anyone in this entire world, and I was not teaching her anything constructive by allowing her to use and abuse me.. I went to counseling with her and during that session told her that I will not be tolerating her any longer. I cut ties with her for 3 months, cut them sharp and hard, did not answer the phone or door when she tried to contact me. She tried calling me from other peoples phones but I did not answer. I wanted her to feel what life was like without me and if it was better for her I would have been ok with that decision because taking her abuse was not good for her or me. I have buried a child so I know what a death feels like, me having to do this to my daughter felt harder than a death. It was the hardest thing but it was the best and only choice I had. When my daughter realized I had the strength to do this, it helped set her into motion to try to straighten herself out. It is horrible to admit but I tolerated her way longer than I should have. I kept taking her to therapy and working with it day after day until I realized I was doing more work than she was trying to get her well, she was not even trying. My daughter has severe anxiety along with all her other stuff and she needed to learn to manage it, I tried to do it for years and she did not even try. Saying I have had enough and making it stop was the best for both of us. I took the chance that I may never see her again and in reality I was ok with that because I did not want another person in my life that was seeking to destroy me, I could continue to pray and love her from afar but not take the blunt of her beatings. Slowly she came around and we ended up having a workable realtionship but had I not got aggressive with it I would still be having the belligerent abuse now.. Even now things are not easy, they are better and when she does get belligerent she is quick to make things right because she knows I have the strength to blow her off. I had to be the one to make the madness stop because she would not. The abuse stopped because I took myself out of the picture. I have to admit I cried at least 3 times a day because the situation was just so awful. This is what I have learned. 1. My daughter with all her mental illness and other odd behaviors knows right from wrong and it much more together and smarter than I give her credit for. 2. If my daughter can make up elablorate lies and can steal so much money from me, she can shelter and feed herself. 3. If I act like prey she will become a preditor. If I tolerate her abuse she will keep giving it out. 4. I worked out letting go of being so afraid of her death. Our relationship was a living death and I just could not take it any longer. 5. Our children need us as much as we need them. They might not act like it but they do unless they are a true psychopath and if they are it is best to love from afar. [/QUOTE]
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