Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Meltdown begets meltdown?
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="LauraH" data-source="post: 744196" data-attributes="member: 22877"><p>Give an inch and he'll take a mile, and then another, and then another until he could pave a road from coast to coast.</p><p></p><p>Thursday evening, after I had a relaxing dinner out with my husband, I got him to agree to have a sit-down with my son when we saw him, which we did. When my son inevitably showed up everything was great for a time. He had worked that evening delivering flyers for a local pizza place and had cash in his pocket for the first time in I don't know how long. No idea how much or how little but when you're broke $10 can be a godsend. So he was happy about that and happy that he had an interview at a restaurant yesterday (Friday) which he was almost guaranteed because his friend from school is a supervisor there. So he was in a good mood and even after we had our "talk" still seemed mostly stable and calm.</p><p></p><p>Of course, he got agitated as I was trying to tell him what he needs to do, what he needs to stop doing, what he is doing well or at least in the right direction, and what he needs to work on. I was starting to get flustered with his agitation and constant interrupting, and my husband jumped in to try to be the peacemaker. He basically said in a nutshell that my son needs to show us the same basic courtesy and respect he would in anyone else's home, i.e., cleaning up after himself, asking before helping himself to whatever he wants (including but not limited to food), etc. He "acknowledged" that he had not been doing this and "promised" to do better. (In quotes because it was just words coming out of his mouth. He would promise to cut the grass with a pair of scissors if he needed to, even though he obviously wouldn't follow through.) After that he told us his friend's sister was visiting from out of town and she needed the room my son is supposedly staying in, and could he please stay with us? and that the friend's sister was leaving the next day (Friday) so he could go back then. I was about to say no when my husband said, of course you can. (God bless him, he has more patience with my son than I do apparently...but that's because he doesn't go off the rails when my husband's around like he does when it's just the two of us)</p><p></p><p>Anyway he went to his job interview yesterday and came back all smiles saying he has the job pending the background check. I don't know what a Pizza Hut background check entails other than checking references and possibly a criminal background check, but he has no criminal issues that I'm aware of so that shouldn't be a problem. I made a nice simple dinner, and my son pitched in and helped as well, after which he left around 8 or so presumably to go to his friend's, leaving my husband and me to enjoy the rest of our evening. </p><p></p><p>Fast forward...for whatever reason I woke up around 5:30 this morning and couldn't get back to sleep so I got on the computer to kill some time and see if I could make myself sleepy again. Around 6 there's a light knock at my door that made me nearly jump out of my skin. Guess who it was!!! In very hushed but angry tones I asked him what he was doing at our door that early in the morning. He couldn't understand how him being there at that time could be construed as disrespectful. I asked him why he wasn't still at his friend's house (the one he's supposedly staying at) and he claimed he never said he was going there. I told him my husband and I both heard him say he was going to "Danielle's". He then told me I was crazy and delusional. So I guess my husband is crazy and delusional as well since we both had the exact same "hallucination". Sheesh. At any rate I told him he was going too far after everything we have done for him. He threw his hands up, said "Goodbye, Mom" and walked away. I know he'll be back, if nothing else he has a pair of shoes and the duffel bag he used to carry the flyers in, so he'll be back for those at least. I'm not sure I'll even let him come in when he does show up next. (Although it's likely that he'll wait until I'm no longer this angry and irritated and more apt to fall for whatever line of BS he has for me)</p><p></p><p>Someone on one of my earlier posts suggested that maybe he was literally homeless without a place to stay and that he was sleeping on the streets (in other words not really sleeping) at night and came here to crash during the day. I've actually considered that possibility as I get more and more skeptical that he really is staying with his friend. But if that's the case, he needs to level with me instead of giving me one dubious story after another. Then again, at this point, I am so aggravated with him I don't know how I would respond if he came completely clean with me. </p><p></p><p>And putting everything in writing, with multiple copies, is a good idea. He can't interrupt and argue derail my train of thought if he's reading words on a paper, although he can ball that paper up and throw it away. Oh and by the way...I have told him many times over the years about many different rules, decisions, consequences, etc. "This is not up for debate or negotiation"...whereupon he constantly interrupts to interject his "side" of things, calls me "unfair", or has one of his rages or meltdowns. This continues to be his MO, making it extremely difficult if not impossible to talk to him or tell him anything. I don't want to permanently ban my son from my home but I'm thinking that may be my only alternative.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="LauraH, post: 744196, member: 22877"] Give an inch and he'll take a mile, and then another, and then another until he could pave a road from coast to coast. Thursday evening, after I had a relaxing dinner out with my husband, I got him to agree to have a sit-down with my son when we saw him, which we did. When my son inevitably showed up everything was great for a time. He had worked that evening delivering flyers for a local pizza place and had cash in his pocket for the first time in I don't know how long. No idea how much or how little but when you're broke $10 can be a godsend. So he was happy about that and happy that he had an interview at a restaurant yesterday (Friday) which he was almost guaranteed because his friend from school is a supervisor there. So he was in a good mood and even after we had our "talk" still seemed mostly stable and calm. Of course, he got agitated as I was trying to tell him what he needs to do, what he needs to stop doing, what he is doing well or at least in the right direction, and what he needs to work on. I was starting to get flustered with his agitation and constant interrupting, and my husband jumped in to try to be the peacemaker. He basically said in a nutshell that my son needs to show us the same basic courtesy and respect he would in anyone else's home, i.e., cleaning up after himself, asking before helping himself to whatever he wants (including but not limited to food), etc. He "acknowledged" that he had not been doing this and "promised" to do better. (In quotes because it was just words coming out of his mouth. He would promise to cut the grass with a pair of scissors if he needed to, even though he obviously wouldn't follow through.) After that he told us his friend's sister was visiting from out of town and she needed the room my son is supposedly staying in, and could he please stay with us? and that the friend's sister was leaving the next day (Friday) so he could go back then. I was about to say no when my husband said, of course you can. (God bless him, he has more patience with my son than I do apparently...but that's because he doesn't go off the rails when my husband's around like he does when it's just the two of us) Anyway he went to his job interview yesterday and came back all smiles saying he has the job pending the background check. I don't know what a Pizza Hut background check entails other than checking references and possibly a criminal background check, but he has no criminal issues that I'm aware of so that shouldn't be a problem. I made a nice simple dinner, and my son pitched in and helped as well, after which he left around 8 or so presumably to go to his friend's, leaving my husband and me to enjoy the rest of our evening. Fast forward...for whatever reason I woke up around 5:30 this morning and couldn't get back to sleep so I got on the computer to kill some time and see if I could make myself sleepy again. Around 6 there's a light knock at my door that made me nearly jump out of my skin. Guess who it was!!! In very hushed but angry tones I asked him what he was doing at our door that early in the morning. He couldn't understand how him being there at that time could be construed as disrespectful. I asked him why he wasn't still at his friend's house (the one he's supposedly staying at) and he claimed he never said he was going there. I told him my husband and I both heard him say he was going to "Danielle's". He then told me I was crazy and delusional. So I guess my husband is crazy and delusional as well since we both had the exact same "hallucination". Sheesh. At any rate I told him he was going too far after everything we have done for him. He threw his hands up, said "Goodbye, Mom" and walked away. I know he'll be back, if nothing else he has a pair of shoes and the duffel bag he used to carry the flyers in, so he'll be back for those at least. I'm not sure I'll even let him come in when he does show up next. (Although it's likely that he'll wait until I'm no longer this angry and irritated and more apt to fall for whatever line of BS he has for me) Someone on one of my earlier posts suggested that maybe he was literally homeless without a place to stay and that he was sleeping on the streets (in other words not really sleeping) at night and came here to crash during the day. I've actually considered that possibility as I get more and more skeptical that he really is staying with his friend. But if that's the case, he needs to level with me instead of giving me one dubious story after another. Then again, at this point, I am so aggravated with him I don't know how I would respond if he came completely clean with me. And putting everything in writing, with multiple copies, is a good idea. He can't interrupt and argue derail my train of thought if he's reading words on a paper, although he can ball that paper up and throw it away. Oh and by the way...I have told him many times over the years about many different rules, decisions, consequences, etc. "This is not up for debate or negotiation"...whereupon he constantly interrupts to interject his "side" of things, calls me "unfair", or has one of his rages or meltdowns. This continues to be his MO, making it extremely difficult if not impossible to talk to him or tell him anything. I don't want to permanently ban my son from my home but I'm thinking that may be my only alternative. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Meltdown begets meltdown?
Top