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Meltdown begets meltdown?
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 744200" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Ok. He is 29, a big man.</p><p></p><p>Giving him your bottom line (I advised doing it in public so he cant act up or argue) is less than useless if you dont adhere to what you say. The key is doing it. Saying it is pointless if you dont do it. Fast and with no discussions.</p><p></p><p>He is never ever ever going to level with you about his probably crimimal, drugged life at night. You need to learn one important skill for your sanity....acceptance, even if you wish it were different. Acceptance of who he is. Not wishful thinking that he will magically change on this day. Acceptance of who he is today and has been for years.</p><p></p><p>Acceptance is necessary for making smart, safe choices.</p><p> </p><p></p><p>Here are some probable truths.</p><p></p><p>He is too old and dangerous in his lifestyle to live with you, sleep in your house, eat there etc. You can see him in public. Too bad if he throws a toddler tantrum. He is less likely to do so in a crowded public place than in your home.</p><p></p><p>He lies all the time. You will not sit him down and get him to level with you. He wont. He will make something up and probably yell but he wont level with you. Period. Cross that ecpectation off your list.</p><p></p><p>You can not give him bottom lines then argue with him about what a bottom line is and expect compliance. The bottom line is your opinion of it. He gets no say. Maybe he was lingering near your room hoping to swipe your wallet. Or even to hurt you or your husband. He isnt going to tell you why. The truth is not in him. He COULD hurt you. Lock your door if you must let him sleep.there but I hope you stop it for your safety. It is creepy for a grown man to be lingering outside your door. Even a son. You were right tp be scared.</p><p></p><p>He is not a nice person right now. He is dangerous to your health and well being or one of you could die from stress because of him.</p><p></p><p>He is a drug addict, probably still using.</p><p></p><p>You need marriage counseling so that both of you can gain strength and work together.</p><p></p><p>Didnt your husband have a heart attack?</p><p></p><p>If you dont accept who and what your son is, and act on what you know, it will turn out bad for all tnree of you. You cant sit him down in your house, tell him rules that he knows you wont enforce and shake hands on a deal. At 29 he needs to figure it out himself. Or not.</p><p></p><p>Do want this to continue when he is 40? Or will he be in jail then?</p><p></p><p>For the sake of God himself, never ever allow one of his thug friends in your house. They are too old to have sleepovers. Were they planning a crime?</p><p></p><p>Look up Radical Acceptance. It is very important to do this.</p><p></p><p></p><p>For your sakes and those who kindly and dearly love you, let your son handle his own messes and please not in your home.</p><p></p><p>Love and hugs!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 744200, member: 1550"] Ok. He is 29, a big man. Giving him your bottom line (I advised doing it in public so he cant act up or argue) is less than useless if you dont adhere to what you say. The key is doing it. Saying it is pointless if you dont do it. Fast and with no discussions. He is never ever ever going to level with you about his probably crimimal, drugged life at night. You need to learn one important skill for your sanity....acceptance, even if you wish it were different. Acceptance of who he is. Not wishful thinking that he will magically change on this day. Acceptance of who he is today and has been for years. Acceptance is necessary for making smart, safe choices. Here are some probable truths. He is too old and dangerous in his lifestyle to live with you, sleep in your house, eat there etc. You can see him in public. Too bad if he throws a toddler tantrum. He is less likely to do so in a crowded public place than in your home. He lies all the time. You will not sit him down and get him to level with you. He wont. He will make something up and probably yell but he wont level with you. Period. Cross that ecpectation off your list. You can not give him bottom lines then argue with him about what a bottom line is and expect compliance. The bottom line is your opinion of it. He gets no say. Maybe he was lingering near your room hoping to swipe your wallet. Or even to hurt you or your husband. He isnt going to tell you why. The truth is not in him. He COULD hurt you. Lock your door if you must let him sleep.there but I hope you stop it for your safety. It is creepy for a grown man to be lingering outside your door. Even a son. You were right tp be scared. He is not a nice person right now. He is dangerous to your health and well being or one of you could die from stress because of him. He is a drug addict, probably still using. You need marriage counseling so that both of you can gain strength and work together. Didnt your husband have a heart attack? If you dont accept who and what your son is, and act on what you know, it will turn out bad for all tnree of you. You cant sit him down in your house, tell him rules that he knows you wont enforce and shake hands on a deal. At 29 he needs to figure it out himself. Or not. Do want this to continue when he is 40? Or will he be in jail then? For the sake of God himself, never ever allow one of his thug friends in your house. They are too old to have sleepovers. Were they planning a crime? Look up Radical Acceptance. It is very important to do this. For your sakes and those who kindly and dearly love you, let your son handle his own messes and please not in your home. Love and hugs! [/QUOTE]
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