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Missed call from my son
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<blockquote data-quote="LauraH" data-source="post: 740920" data-attributes="member: 22877"><p>Months ago I reached the point of "enough is enough." I told him that the Bank of Mom is closed and the ATM is down for repairs for the foreseeable future, until he consistently shows me he is serious about recovery and willing to work at hit. Yesterday he called me asking if I would send him money so he could get food (from where I don't know, since he was supposedly in a facility) because the lunch they served him wasn't enough to fill him up. I said no, maybe for the first time. Not the first time I told him no, but I had a tendency to give on smaller requests like $5 or $10, but I had told him that I am no longer willing to do even that. He's shown me no lasting changes or even sincere attempts at sobriety and while I will talk to him any time, day or night, I will no longer contribute one penny of my hard earned money to him until he does.</p><p></p><p>Actually, telling him no yesterday made me feel pretty empowered. I didn't feel guilty whatsoever. I do feel regret that it has to be this way, but it is what it is and it's what I have to do, for his sake as well as my own.</p><p></p><p>I know all too well the feeling of being expected to be on 24-7 standby as blithely go about their whatever it is they're doing, that expectation that you're available on a constant basis. We too have lives and it's getting easier and easier to not be here when he "needs" me. I do freelance data entry from home and I can stop working at anytime since I set my own schedule. Therefore he expects me to stop what I am working on at the drop of a hat to talk to him. If it's important or an emergency I do so gladly. But when he's bored on a long train ride and has no one to talk to, I don't feel obligated. Yes I choose my own hours, but if I don't work I don't have an income. Same if I'm out with my husband and/or friends. I don't get out often, and when I do I don't want to spend that time chatting with my son (unless of course it's an emergency or urgent situation.)</p><p></p><p>I think the "do not call" rule came from the partner's mother, although I have never spoken to her so don't know if this is really the case or not. I believe it is, though, because he never set that stipulation on calling the partner's cell phone.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="LauraH, post: 740920, member: 22877"] Months ago I reached the point of "enough is enough." I told him that the Bank of Mom is closed and the ATM is down for repairs for the foreseeable future, until he consistently shows me he is serious about recovery and willing to work at hit. Yesterday he called me asking if I would send him money so he could get food (from where I don't know, since he was supposedly in a facility) because the lunch they served him wasn't enough to fill him up. I said no, maybe for the first time. Not the first time I told him no, but I had a tendency to give on smaller requests like $5 or $10, but I had told him that I am no longer willing to do even that. He's shown me no lasting changes or even sincere attempts at sobriety and while I will talk to him any time, day or night, I will no longer contribute one penny of my hard earned money to him until he does. Actually, telling him no yesterday made me feel pretty empowered. I didn't feel guilty whatsoever. I do feel regret that it has to be this way, but it is what it is and it's what I have to do, for his sake as well as my own. I know all too well the feeling of being expected to be on 24-7 standby as blithely go about their whatever it is they're doing, that expectation that you're available on a constant basis. We too have lives and it's getting easier and easier to not be here when he "needs" me. I do freelance data entry from home and I can stop working at anytime since I set my own schedule. Therefore he expects me to stop what I am working on at the drop of a hat to talk to him. If it's important or an emergency I do so gladly. But when he's bored on a long train ride and has no one to talk to, I don't feel obligated. Yes I choose my own hours, but if I don't work I don't have an income. Same if I'm out with my husband and/or friends. I don't get out often, and when I do I don't want to spend that time chatting with my son (unless of course it's an emergency or urgent situation.) I think the "do not call" rule came from the partner's mother, although I have never spoken to her so don't know if this is really the case or not. I believe it is, though, because he never set that stipulation on calling the partner's cell phone. [/QUOTE]
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