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Missed call from my son
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 740924" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>I felt this and I did this.</p><p></p><p>I had lost myself I bent over so far backward to accommodate him. When I had to face it, that I risked no longer existing, I set a boundary.</p><p></p><p>He would not accept this. I insisted. We called and called the police.</p><p></p><p>Finally, he left our town, homeless.</p><p></p><p>He tried to reinstate the relationship by text, but when I told him, get a new address (I was tired of unpaid bills coming here) he cut me off entirely.</p><p></p><p>The thing is this: there are layers and layers of this for us, as well as them. They hold a lot of power because of the depth of our love and need. At first there is a honeymoon period, where we feel the satisfaction and relief of setting a boundary. For once, we have some power.</p><p></p><p>But they fight back, and they fight back dirty. I think in my son's case he is not doing it to be mean, or to punish me. I believe he is doing it because he really does not want to face taking responsibility to live well. It is kind of a fit he is throwing, I think. Kind of like SWOT's son. Who is essentially saying to her: if you won't take whatever I dish out, I won't have anything to do with you.</p><p></p><p>This is a fit, because the dependency, really, is on their part. SWOT's son will soon get over it. My own son...I don't know. We have been going on so long like this, with his believing he holds all of the cards...I don't know what will happen.</p><p></p><p>But I know in my heart SWOT is right. We have to build a life that nurtures us with people who respect us and treat us with care. And we have to find a way that our thoughts contribute to our sense of calm and pleasure, not to our undoing.</p><p></p><p>I am beginning to think that my posting here is keeping me stuck. Because as long as I am here I keep my focus on my child.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 740924, member: 18958"] I felt this and I did this. I had lost myself I bent over so far backward to accommodate him. When I had to face it, that I risked no longer existing, I set a boundary. He would not accept this. I insisted. We called and called the police. Finally, he left our town, homeless. He tried to reinstate the relationship by text, but when I told him, get a new address (I was tired of unpaid bills coming here) he cut me off entirely. The thing is this: there are layers and layers of this for us, as well as them. They hold a lot of power because of the depth of our love and need. At first there is a honeymoon period, where we feel the satisfaction and relief of setting a boundary. For once, we have some power. But they fight back, and they fight back dirty. I think in my son's case he is not doing it to be mean, or to punish me. I believe he is doing it because he really does not want to face taking responsibility to live well. It is kind of a fit he is throwing, I think. Kind of like SWOT's son. Who is essentially saying to her: if you won't take whatever I dish out, I won't have anything to do with you. This is a fit, because the dependency, really, is on their part. SWOT's son will soon get over it. My own son...I don't know. We have been going on so long like this, with his believing he holds all of the cards...I don't know what will happen. But I know in my heart SWOT is right. We have to build a life that nurtures us with people who respect us and treat us with care. And we have to find a way that our thoughts contribute to our sense of calm and pleasure, not to our undoing. I am beginning to think that my posting here is keeping me stuck. Because as long as I am here I keep my focus on my child. [/QUOTE]
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