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Missed call from my son
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 740944" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>As far as I know my son does not use hard drugs...but I cannot know for sure...because every time he leaves our town he comes back with another habit.</p><p></p><p>The situation truly is: <em>damned if you do and damned if you don't do.</em></p><p><em></em></p><p>I am the last person on earth who can with a straight face urge you to focus upon yourself and your life. But Smithmom and SWOT are absolutely correct. We can do not one thing to effect their well-being and their motivation or understanding to act in their own behalf. </p><p></p><p>Sometimes I revert to the fantasy that if I compel my son to be on his own, and do not support him, he will have a chance to act on his own behalf, and that he will. The thing is, he may or he may not. There is at least the possibility if left to their own devices, they can decide to choose to be healthier, safer and build strengths. But there is equally the opposite reality. That they will not.</p><p></p><p>How we think about our lives, what we learn and what we do to rise above difficult and frightening circumstances; that is the crux of this. When the person we most care about in the world is vulnerable and we have no control. And when we suffer either way. We suffer near them and we suffer when they are far.</p><p></p><p>Increasingly I am accepting that more often than not people face situations such as this in their lives at some point or another. And I am trying to see my own coming to terms as building character, as building strength, as healing. In this way I give meaning to my suffering.</p><p></p><p>It is not easy, but it is real life. </p><p></p><p>I will be blunt here: I think your son involves you in his life, on purpose, a life which he is living irresponsibly and dangerously. And he thinks not one bit about how you are impacted. And that is wrong. In that, he is no different than most of the kids here, and it puts you right in the center of this group of parents...who struggle to deal with their own lives that are filled with fear and dread and anger when their lives have taken this turn.</p><p></p><p>The questions now are: what are you going to do about it? What are you going to do for you?</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 740944, member: 18958"] As far as I know my son does not use hard drugs...but I cannot know for sure...because every time he leaves our town he comes back with another habit. The situation truly is: [I]damned if you do and damned if you don't do. [/I] I am the last person on earth who can with a straight face urge you to focus upon yourself and your life. But Smithmom and SWOT are absolutely correct. We can do not one thing to effect their well-being and their motivation or understanding to act in their own behalf. Sometimes I revert to the fantasy that if I compel my son to be on his own, and do not support him, he will have a chance to act on his own behalf, and that he will. The thing is, he may or he may not. There is at least the possibility if left to their own devices, they can decide to choose to be healthier, safer and build strengths. But there is equally the opposite reality. That they will not. How we think about our lives, what we learn and what we do to rise above difficult and frightening circumstances; that is the crux of this. When the person we most care about in the world is vulnerable and we have no control. And when we suffer either way. We suffer near them and we suffer when they are far. Increasingly I am accepting that more often than not people face situations such as this in their lives at some point or another. And I am trying to see my own coming to terms as building character, as building strength, as healing. In this way I give meaning to my suffering. It is not easy, but it is real life. I will be blunt here: I think your son involves you in his life, on purpose, a life which he is living irresponsibly and dangerously. And he thinks not one bit about how you are impacted. And that is wrong. In that, he is no different than most of the kids here, and it puts you right in the center of this group of parents...who struggle to deal with their own lives that are filled with fear and dread and anger when their lives have taken this turn. The questions now are: what are you going to do about it? What are you going to do for you? [/QUOTE]
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