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MJ - what's next?
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 755256" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Gosh. I feel differently than everybody about all of this.</p><p></p><p>Your daughter triggers me. I wonder if I feel I am like her on some level.</p><p></p><p>I get mad at her when she is mean to you. Telling you hurtful things, like that mother is her real family. Gee. She needs to shut her mouth. She tries to be mean. She works at it. Why?</p><p></p><p>I feel irritated at the phone call. Of course you don't want her driving under the influence. But the "don't get mad" part? Why? You have every right to be mad. Why should you and her Dad need to wipe up her messes? She seems to do this over and over again. Why shouldn't you be peeved? Anybody would be.</p><p>She seems very like my son, actually, in this. Making totally irresponsible decisions, and not learning from her mistakes, but continuing to demand the right to make the same impossibly stupid decisions, in the same dumb way. Putting me down as the bad guy when I either suggest a better option, or squawk about how I am always on the hook, vulnerable to the consequences of his bad decisions...which he repeats over and over again, insisting upon autonomy because he refuses to learn and to change. Wash. Rinse. Repeat.</p><p></p><p>Who's the slow learner here? I am.</p><p></p><p>Wise. You are doing everything right. But like all of us you have a vulnerability. You cave when your daughter appears to withdraw her love and approval. You know already this has to do with your own past.</p><p></p><p>Somebody recommended a book to me. It's been around for over 30 years and I have never read it. But I will. I just ordered a copy. <u>Healing the Shame That Binds You</u>, by John Bradshaw.</p><p></p><p>PS I think you need to get a hold of yourself with the fear about heavier drugs. She could be that dumb, but I doubt she will be. I worry the same way about my own son. He is adamant he wouldn't use hard drugs. I need to believe him.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 755256, member: 18958"] Gosh. I feel differently than everybody about all of this. Your daughter triggers me. I wonder if I feel I am like her on some level. I get mad at her when she is mean to you. Telling you hurtful things, like that mother is her real family. Gee. She needs to shut her mouth. She tries to be mean. She works at it. Why? I feel irritated at the phone call. Of course you don't want her driving under the influence. But the "don't get mad" part? Why? You have every right to be mad. Why should you and her Dad need to wipe up her messes? She seems to do this over and over again. Why shouldn't you be peeved? Anybody would be. She seems very like my son, actually, in this. Making totally irresponsible decisions, and not learning from her mistakes, but continuing to demand the right to make the same impossibly stupid decisions, in the same dumb way. Putting me down as the bad guy when I either suggest a better option, or squawk about how I am always on the hook, vulnerable to the consequences of his bad decisions...which he repeats over and over again, insisting upon autonomy because he refuses to learn and to change. Wash. Rinse. Repeat. Who's the slow learner here? I am. Wise. You are doing everything right. But like all of us you have a vulnerability. You cave when your daughter appears to withdraw her love and approval. You know already this has to do with your own past. Somebody recommended a book to me. It's been around for over 30 years and I have never read it. But I will. I just ordered a copy. [U]Healing the Shame That Binds You[/U], by John Bradshaw. PS I think you need to get a hold of yourself with the fear about heavier drugs. She could be that dumb, but I doubt she will be. I worry the same way about my own son. He is adamant he wouldn't use hard drugs. I need to believe him. [/QUOTE]
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