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Money owed to daughter
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<blockquote data-quote="Tanya M" data-source="post: 726115" data-attributes="member: 18516"><p>I think you and your husband have been very generous to a fault.</p><p></p><p></p><p>I'm reading what you wrote, "we tried to help our daughter"</p><p></p><p>I have no issue when a parent gives money to a child for a down payment on a house to help them out, however, I do have issue if the child is not responsible. The fact that she sold the house is salt in the wound.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Again, generous to a fault. You gave her a payout she didn't earn and gave her a salary that she didn't deserve.</p><p></p><p></p><p>This tells me that you are trying to control what your daughter does.</p><p></p><p>We as parents cannot control our adult children no matter how much we want to. I think from what you have shared you have been trying to hold the reigns on your daughters life from paying her a salary she didn't deserve, to giving her a nice severance for quitting a job you provided, to giving her money for a down payment on a house.</p><p>You are a parent that wants so much for her daughter to have a good life that you were willing to literally pay for it. Here's the thing, no amount of money that we give our adult children will ever be enough for them to get their life together. The problem isn't the money, it's their relationship to the money. You have been sending a message to your daughter that she does not have to worry about money because you will be there to oversee it and give her more.</p><p></p><p></p><p>If it were me, I would not help her get another house.</p><p></p><p>There is no right or wrong answer here.</p><p>For me, because you gave the money to begin with then I would give it back to her with a very strict boundary that there will be no more money given to her for any reason. I would remind her of what you have shared with us concerning the job and salary, reminding her that most people when they quit a job do not receive a severance.</p><p></p><p>I know how hard it is to want to help your child. I've been there. My husband and I bought a rental house for our son to live in after he got out of prison quite a few years ago. We let him live there rent free. Our plan for his life was that he would get a job and eventually start paying us rent and at some point, 10 years down the road we would give him the house. It was a foreclosed property and needed a lot of work which we did, it's now a lovely house, but our son didn't want to live there through the renovations so he moved out. Needless to say, we will never give him that house.</p><p>Fast forward a few years down the road. Our son needed a vehicle so we purchased one for him. The deal was that he would pay us back $100.00 a month and we carried the insurance. You got it, he never paid us for the car. He got behind in his rent and gave the car to his landlord to cover his back rent.</p><p>That was the end for me in giving him any money.</p><p></p><p>Again, no amount of money we give our difficult adult children will ever solve the issues they have with getting their lives together.</p><p></p><p>Good luck!! Let us know how it goes.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Tanya M, post: 726115, member: 18516"] I think you and your husband have been very generous to a fault. I'm reading what you wrote, "we tried to help our daughter" I have no issue when a parent gives money to a child for a down payment on a house to help them out, however, I do have issue if the child is not responsible. The fact that she sold the house is salt in the wound. Again, generous to a fault. You gave her a payout she didn't earn and gave her a salary that she didn't deserve. This tells me that you are trying to control what your daughter does. We as parents cannot control our adult children no matter how much we want to. I think from what you have shared you have been trying to hold the reigns on your daughters life from paying her a salary she didn't deserve, to giving her a nice severance for quitting a job you provided, to giving her money for a down payment on a house. You are a parent that wants so much for her daughter to have a good life that you were willing to literally pay for it. Here's the thing, no amount of money that we give our adult children will ever be enough for them to get their life together. The problem isn't the money, it's their relationship to the money. You have been sending a message to your daughter that she does not have to worry about money because you will be there to oversee it and give her more. If it were me, I would not help her get another house. There is no right or wrong answer here. For me, because you gave the money to begin with then I would give it back to her with a very strict boundary that there will be no more money given to her for any reason. I would remind her of what you have shared with us concerning the job and salary, reminding her that most people when they quit a job do not receive a severance. I know how hard it is to want to help your child. I've been there. My husband and I bought a rental house for our son to live in after he got out of prison quite a few years ago. We let him live there rent free. Our plan for his life was that he would get a job and eventually start paying us rent and at some point, 10 years down the road we would give him the house. It was a foreclosed property and needed a lot of work which we did, it's now a lovely house, but our son didn't want to live there through the renovations so he moved out. Needless to say, we will never give him that house. Fast forward a few years down the road. Our son needed a vehicle so we purchased one for him. The deal was that he would pay us back $100.00 a month and we carried the insurance. You got it, he never paid us for the car. He got behind in his rent and gave the car to his landlord to cover his back rent. That was the end for me in giving him any money. Again, no amount of money we give our difficult adult children will ever solve the issues they have with getting their lives together. Good luck!! Let us know how it goes. [/QUOTE]
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