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General Parenting
Mouthy and out of control teen!
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<blockquote data-quote="Running_for_the_shelter" data-source="post: 413679" data-attributes="member: 2960"><p>If you don't "do" school well, you may hate it and ultimately refuse to perform. </p><p></p><p>My difficult child is constantly in trouble for one thing or another, the other kids don't want to hang out with him, the teachers are fed up with him ... why would he want to go there with a positive attitude and perform well? He's also emotionally very "young" for his age, so he's a fish out of water. All day, every day. It's incredibly wearing. </p><p></p><p>When you're an adult and you have a bad boss or a sufficient number of mean co-workers, you eventually quit and find a new job. Children don't have that option, so they "quit" in a different way. Or, as an adult, you suck it up because you need the rewards (income, career advancement in which you satisfy your revenge fantasies, what have you) but a child doesn't have that perspective. We generally punish children for NOT sucking it up (loss of privileges, electronics, etc) but they don't have the tools for long-term endurance. Some children begin to self-medicate with alcohol or drugs, start cutting, or develop another horribly inappropriate tool for dealing with their pain. In a very real way, they don't have the tools to find better tools! </p><p></p><p>Not sure what kinds of docs your child is seeing, if he's on medication, in therapy or what, so perhaps he has someone who is trying to explore his feelings. It's easy to say "have more empathy for your child" but you may be down to the last pea in your dish as well. If so, this board is a great place for support. You're definitely not the only parent going through this. I've picked up some good ideas here. Yes, some of the ideas just aren't going to work in our family and some I can't see working anywhere for anybody, but root through them and see what you can pick up. You're not alone!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Running_for_the_shelter, post: 413679, member: 2960"] If you don't "do" school well, you may hate it and ultimately refuse to perform. My difficult child is constantly in trouble for one thing or another, the other kids don't want to hang out with him, the teachers are fed up with him ... why would he want to go there with a positive attitude and perform well? He's also emotionally very "young" for his age, so he's a fish out of water. All day, every day. It's incredibly wearing. When you're an adult and you have a bad boss or a sufficient number of mean co-workers, you eventually quit and find a new job. Children don't have that option, so they "quit" in a different way. Or, as an adult, you suck it up because you need the rewards (income, career advancement in which you satisfy your revenge fantasies, what have you) but a child doesn't have that perspective. We generally punish children for NOT sucking it up (loss of privileges, electronics, etc) but they don't have the tools for long-term endurance. Some children begin to self-medicate with alcohol or drugs, start cutting, or develop another horribly inappropriate tool for dealing with their pain. In a very real way, they don't have the tools to find better tools! Not sure what kinds of docs your child is seeing, if he's on medication, in therapy or what, so perhaps he has someone who is trying to explore his feelings. It's easy to say "have more empathy for your child" but you may be down to the last pea in your dish as well. If so, this board is a great place for support. You're definitely not the only parent going through this. I've picked up some good ideas here. Yes, some of the ideas just aren't going to work in our family and some I can't see working anywhere for anybody, but root through them and see what you can pick up. You're not alone! [/QUOTE]
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Mouthy and out of control teen!
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