Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
My 20 year old son won't move out. HELP!
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 530599" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>Ojhi there - (that was lame huh?) </p><p></p><p>I'm amazed that this marriage has lasted 21 years. Astounded really. You have a child, and you have a husband. You have NO support, NO help, and NO one to back you up. It's my understanding that husbands and wives agree on things in a household such as how to raise children and are part of that - both of them. Not "Well you had him - you raise him." until troubles arise and then "Well YOU raised him and now you SUFFER the consequences...hahahah." That's not a husband that's a vindictive childs thinking. Is he angry that you've stayed together for 21 years and now he's exacting his revenge on you? Or do you otherwise have a good relationship? (You don't need to answer me - but from a one sided statement of yours - this is what it sounds like to me) I haven't heard HIS point of view so I can only made one side of the triangle here. He may have a completely different view - and somewhere in between lies a mix of both your sides and what is really going on. The non-biased voice. Again - I'm in no way judging....Just calling what I read. </p><p></p><p>Which leads me to my next thought - WHAT WOULD happen if you left? I mean you said yourself "I'm about ready to leave them both." Is this statement true? Do either of them have any idea that you are THAT frustrated?? What WOULD happen if you packed a bag and left a note that said something to that affect? Would your husband think OH (%&(% and agree with you that it's time he stood by you and agreed to make your son get out, or would he stick by his "principals" that your child could stay until he was just like - 35 and still getting up at 2pm, running down the road to his buddies house, going into his Mother's houses basement and playing Space Invaders? Then coming home, you washed all his clothes, folded them, cleaned his room - and made his bed, fixed his supper husband comes home from work, gives you his paycheck to support lazy 30 year old son, - and then they settled in to watch another episode of NCIS? (next day Repeat) I'd have to ask - at what point to do you think husband this will end? You think he's just going to take the lead and run out and get a job when his every need is provided for? </p><p></p><p>I believe you have some searching to do - soul and otherwise. My first inclination is for you to find a therapist and keep that to yourself and start talking about the lack of support you've gotten for 21 years. Then find out why you stay? I think it could be a real eye opener for you and maybe if you're not ready to pack a bag, leave a note on the counter and say Adios tomorrow? If you could see the things in yourself that are WONDERFUL, AMAZING, and sadly stiffled -----you'd just drop your jaw and think-----WOW what have I been doing for the last 21 years of my life? Then you keep going to therapy - forgive yourself - get your tush in gear - and live your life to the fullest. WITHOUT all the conflicts and find people in your life that DO support you. </p><p></p><p>Again - (exhale) it's just a guess - because I do not know you, I don't know your husband....I mean after 21 years - the only thing you've told me about him is what you've said above - NOT well other than that hes' a great guy - see what I mean? So I really hope you do not get defensive, and take this as just an observation ---if theres more to it? Add it....and we'll work on it from there. Otherwise I'd say - call someplace and just try out some therapy. If you want to improve your situation at home? The first person that you have to work on ? (oddly enough) Isnt' going to be your husband or your kid - it's going to be you and how you are looking at them. (sounds messed up doesn't it?) but once you get a better handle on yourself? You'll have a lot better handle on a lot of things. </p><p></p><p>We're here for you! </p><p>Hugs </p><p>Star</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 530599, member: 4964"] Ojhi there - (that was lame huh?) I'm amazed that this marriage has lasted 21 years. Astounded really. You have a child, and you have a husband. You have NO support, NO help, and NO one to back you up. It's my understanding that husbands and wives agree on things in a household such as how to raise children and are part of that - both of them. Not "Well you had him - you raise him." until troubles arise and then "Well YOU raised him and now you SUFFER the consequences...hahahah." That's not a husband that's a vindictive childs thinking. Is he angry that you've stayed together for 21 years and now he's exacting his revenge on you? Or do you otherwise have a good relationship? (You don't need to answer me - but from a one sided statement of yours - this is what it sounds like to me) I haven't heard HIS point of view so I can only made one side of the triangle here. He may have a completely different view - and somewhere in between lies a mix of both your sides and what is really going on. The non-biased voice. Again - I'm in no way judging....Just calling what I read. Which leads me to my next thought - WHAT WOULD happen if you left? I mean you said yourself "I'm about ready to leave them both." Is this statement true? Do either of them have any idea that you are THAT frustrated?? What WOULD happen if you packed a bag and left a note that said something to that affect? Would your husband think OH (%&(% and agree with you that it's time he stood by you and agreed to make your son get out, or would he stick by his "principals" that your child could stay until he was just like - 35 and still getting up at 2pm, running down the road to his buddies house, going into his Mother's houses basement and playing Space Invaders? Then coming home, you washed all his clothes, folded them, cleaned his room - and made his bed, fixed his supper husband comes home from work, gives you his paycheck to support lazy 30 year old son, - and then they settled in to watch another episode of NCIS? (next day Repeat) I'd have to ask - at what point to do you think husband this will end? You think he's just going to take the lead and run out and get a job when his every need is provided for? I believe you have some searching to do - soul and otherwise. My first inclination is for you to find a therapist and keep that to yourself and start talking about the lack of support you've gotten for 21 years. Then find out why you stay? I think it could be a real eye opener for you and maybe if you're not ready to pack a bag, leave a note on the counter and say Adios tomorrow? If you could see the things in yourself that are WONDERFUL, AMAZING, and sadly stiffled -----you'd just drop your jaw and think-----WOW what have I been doing for the last 21 years of my life? Then you keep going to therapy - forgive yourself - get your tush in gear - and live your life to the fullest. WITHOUT all the conflicts and find people in your life that DO support you. Again - (exhale) it's just a guess - because I do not know you, I don't know your husband....I mean after 21 years - the only thing you've told me about him is what you've said above - NOT well other than that hes' a great guy - see what I mean? So I really hope you do not get defensive, and take this as just an observation ---if theres more to it? Add it....and we'll work on it from there. Otherwise I'd say - call someplace and just try out some therapy. If you want to improve your situation at home? The first person that you have to work on ? (oddly enough) Isnt' going to be your husband or your kid - it's going to be you and how you are looking at them. (sounds messed up doesn't it?) but once you get a better handle on yourself? You'll have a lot better handle on a lot of things. We're here for you! Hugs Star [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
My 20 year old son won't move out. HELP!
Top