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My 20 year old son won't move out. HELP!
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 619103" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>ChildofMine gave great advice.</p><p></p><p>If you want to get more responses, it is probably best to start your own thread. Yours is buried at the bottom of an old thread.</p><p></p><p>My two cents is, your son is an adult. The things that happened in his childhood are not so far out of the norm that they caused this...he is making a choice to ruin his life. I have always had severe depression, but my parents didn't care...I was expected to leave the nest and work and I did what I had to do, depressed or not. And you feel a lot less depressed when you keep busy. Nursing depression by laying around and smoking weed (BAD for any mental illness) is just an excuse to do absolutely nothing and not get help for yourself. And, by the way, HE has to get the help. You can't fix him anymore. Nor should you try. It's a waste of time.</p><p></p><p>I wouldn't give this adult kid any more money. Is he able bodied? Well, he can get a job and pay for his own place. There is no reason for you to pay his bills. Ditto for cell phone, internet, cigarettes, or anything else. Don't give him any money...he will probably spend it on drugs, not what you intended it for. If you want to give him food, buy him some food. Don't give him money and tell him to buy it himself. Set a limit on when he needs to support himself. He will not grow up if you don't force him to. My guess is he may be doing more than smoking pot.</p><p></p><p>Read the article on detachment.</p><p></p><p>I am so sorry for your obviously hurting mommy heart and your confusion. You deserve a good, happy life even if your son is screwing up. You are not him and he is not you. There are those who love you who treat you well and I'd focus on them. Be good to a very important person...YOURSELF. You matter as much as your son's life does. Yes, I know. It's a new concept for many of us!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 619103, member: 1550"] ChildofMine gave great advice. If you want to get more responses, it is probably best to start your own thread. Yours is buried at the bottom of an old thread. My two cents is, your son is an adult. The things that happened in his childhood are not so far out of the norm that they caused this...he is making a choice to ruin his life. I have always had severe depression, but my parents didn't care...I was expected to leave the nest and work and I did what I had to do, depressed or not. And you feel a lot less depressed when you keep busy. Nursing depression by laying around and smoking weed (BAD for any mental illness) is just an excuse to do absolutely nothing and not get help for yourself. And, by the way, HE has to get the help. You can't fix him anymore. Nor should you try. It's a waste of time. I wouldn't give this adult kid any more money. Is he able bodied? Well, he can get a job and pay for his own place. There is no reason for you to pay his bills. Ditto for cell phone, internet, cigarettes, or anything else. Don't give him any money...he will probably spend it on drugs, not what you intended it for. If you want to give him food, buy him some food. Don't give him money and tell him to buy it himself. Set a limit on when he needs to support himself. He will not grow up if you don't force him to. My guess is he may be doing more than smoking pot. Read the article on detachment. I am so sorry for your obviously hurting mommy heart and your confusion. You deserve a good, happy life even if your son is screwing up. You are not him and he is not you. There are those who love you who treat you well and I'd focus on them. Be good to a very important person...YOURSELF. You matter as much as your son's life does. Yes, I know. It's a new concept for many of us! [/QUOTE]
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My 20 year old son won't move out. HELP!
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