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My 20 year old son won't move out. HELP!
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 619168" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>I've had depression since far into my childhood.</p><p></p><p>Does your son give the antidepressants at least eight weeks before he discards them? If not, he is not seriously giving them a chance to help it and it may be on purpose. These medications need a good two months of a trial to see if they will work. Any less and they may as well have not even started them. They take time to work.</p><p></p><p>Pot is very detrimental to those with mental health problems, including depression. It is not benign and harmless to people who are already mentally ill. Alcohol is also bad. Both pot and alcohol will nullify the good effects of an antidepressant.</p><p></p><p>As one with mental illness, and a member of The National Alliance for the Mentally Ill or NAMI, we, as the patients/consumers, have to take control of our illnesses in order to get better. It is our choice and decision to improve. It does not sound like your son is taking those steps. It is hard work and requires medication compliance, recreational drug abstinance, and serious therapy. It also requires one to either try hard to get a job and keep it or file for social security so the person at least has a little money and benefits and is not living off of his parents at an age in which he should be out on his own.</p><p></p><p>If he is deemed disabled, there is help getting work, housing, therapy and a ton of other stuff. I know this because of my autistic adult son...but he is utilizing all he can to become as productive as he can. It is out there if your son will try.</p><p></p><p>With depression, it does not help if somebody is there to fix every boo boo. You feel better if forced to get out of bed every morning and go to therapy or anything else. If he were in a hospital, as I was, he would be awakened at six and forced to spend the day socializing and going to therapy and staying OUT of his room. He would also have to take his medication or else he would probably be discharged for not complying.</p><p></p><p>There is nothing you can do to make him better other than to put your foot down and require what is required in a hospital...and if he will not help himself, you may decide to tell him he has two months to find another place to stay. You can help him find adult services. You need to learn how to detach from him so he can do what he needs to do to heal. He will not heal in your house, on your couch, watching television. His social phobia will not be helped by never seeing anybody. I had agoraphobia and social phobias too, but I had to push myself to get out anyway and it helped.</p><p></p><p>Meanwhile, you need to get on with your own life and make it a sensational life. Yes, you can have a great life even with an adult child who is in trouble and refusing to do the necessary steps to improve. And you should. He should not take up all of your time. He should be forced to do it himself...or face consequences.</p><p></p><p>If I had been able to lay around all day with my parents, that's what I may have done. I am so glad that I was not given that option. I am much, much better now and able to function. For our adult kids: "Give them roots to grow and wings to fly." And let them fly on their own.</p><p></p><p></p><p>Hugs for your hurting mommy heart. We are here for you to talk to 24/7. We are always on call <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 619168, member: 1550"] I've had depression since far into my childhood. Does your son give the antidepressants at least eight weeks before he discards them? If not, he is not seriously giving them a chance to help it and it may be on purpose. These medications need a good two months of a trial to see if they will work. Any less and they may as well have not even started them. They take time to work. Pot is very detrimental to those with mental health problems, including depression. It is not benign and harmless to people who are already mentally ill. Alcohol is also bad. Both pot and alcohol will nullify the good effects of an antidepressant. As one with mental illness, and a member of The National Alliance for the Mentally Ill or NAMI, we, as the patients/consumers, have to take control of our illnesses in order to get better. It is our choice and decision to improve. It does not sound like your son is taking those steps. It is hard work and requires medication compliance, recreational drug abstinance, and serious therapy. It also requires one to either try hard to get a job and keep it or file for social security so the person at least has a little money and benefits and is not living off of his parents at an age in which he should be out on his own. If he is deemed disabled, there is help getting work, housing, therapy and a ton of other stuff. I know this because of my autistic adult son...but he is utilizing all he can to become as productive as he can. It is out there if your son will try. With depression, it does not help if somebody is there to fix every boo boo. You feel better if forced to get out of bed every morning and go to therapy or anything else. If he were in a hospital, as I was, he would be awakened at six and forced to spend the day socializing and going to therapy and staying OUT of his room. He would also have to take his medication or else he would probably be discharged for not complying. There is nothing you can do to make him better other than to put your foot down and require what is required in a hospital...and if he will not help himself, you may decide to tell him he has two months to find another place to stay. You can help him find adult services. You need to learn how to detach from him so he can do what he needs to do to heal. He will not heal in your house, on your couch, watching television. His social phobia will not be helped by never seeing anybody. I had agoraphobia and social phobias too, but I had to push myself to get out anyway and it helped. Meanwhile, you need to get on with your own life and make it a sensational life. Yes, you can have a great life even with an adult child who is in trouble and refusing to do the necessary steps to improve. And you should. He should not take up all of your time. He should be forced to do it himself...or face consequences. If I had been able to lay around all day with my parents, that's what I may have done. I am so glad that I was not given that option. I am much, much better now and able to function. For our adult kids: "Give them roots to grow and wings to fly." And let them fly on their own. Hugs for your hurting mommy heart. We are here for you to talk to 24/7. We are always on call :) [/QUOTE]
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My 20 year old son won't move out. HELP!
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