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My 20 year old son won't move out. HELP!
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<blockquote data-quote="WaveringFaith" data-source="post: 619185" data-attributes="member: 17636"><p>Mother43, this is my son exactly. He's 20 yrs old also. In your original post, you didn't mention the possiblity of depression, but I thought to myself.. this is my son, only mine is clinically depressed. But then you realized yours probably is also. I'm in the same boat. I had him when I was 19, raised him as a single mom also. Was an excellent student, popular, hilarious, tons of friends, girlfriends, social butterfly, healthy as a horse, worked out at gyms, was into raw food diets. All that changed 2 years ago when he went off to live with his dad and attend university out of state. He grew up only seeing his dad for 2 weeks in the summer each year. They were never close. His dad and I were high school sweethearts but never married, broke up when he was 5.</p><p> </p><p>I think trying to establish a relationship with his dad and attend college AND being so far away from me was too much for him. It doesn't help that his dad is emotionally unavailable and does not know how to show love. He's like a dictator, as this was how he was raised. None the less, it was a traumatic event for my son to be thrown into all those circumstances at once apparently, because he became a different person. Now living with me for almost the past full hear, he is a recluse, can't even go to the grocery store, as he says he doesn't know how to be around people and he hates it. He said he also hates his dad and knows he will never speak to him again (and says he has that on his conscious now too). He hates himself, thinks God hates him, constantly calls himself a failure.</p><p> </p><p>We've tried different medications, therapists, holistic remedies, cold turkey, nothing has worked. He has never given any medications more than a month's worth of change, so who knows if one of them might've worked. I'm so fed up with him. Like your son, he doesn't care for his personal hygeine, he comes out of his room in th middle of the night to get food like a rodent in the night, he doesn't talk to me or his little brother. he's had countless opportunities for jobs, schooling, hobbies to feel better, he refuses them all. He has become just a grown man, living in my home, not caring about anyone nor himself. He has let his cell phone bill and auto insurance bills lapse. I am in a debate with myself on whether I should pay for his cell phone bill now, because I know if I don't , he won't. Then I will have zero contact with him.</p><p> </p><p>I have recently tried the tough love thing and told him if he was now refusing treatment, he will have 2 weeks to find a job and another place to live. I have a younger son I need to care for and doesn't deserve this home life. Well my difficult child took the ultimatum as a sign that I now hate him and said he would be out by end of the week. But with no phone, no car, no money, no chance at job, not able to see or socialize with other human beings, he will be one of those homeless young men on the street, I just know it. I live in a big city and the streets are rough. Also, the temps have been freezing lately.</p><p> </p><p>So I am in the exact situation as you. I don't want to enable him, but feeling like I have no other choice but to let him go. It's so difficult. I feel your pain in my heart. He's been my little boy, my buddy all these years and to see him a completely different person, not even resembling the boy he once was, it's heartbreaking.</p><p> </p><p>I will pray for you and your son and hope he finds his way, and that you find your peace.</p><p> </p><p>Hugs..</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="WaveringFaith, post: 619185, member: 17636"] Mother43, this is my son exactly. He's 20 yrs old also. In your original post, you didn't mention the possiblity of depression, but I thought to myself.. this is my son, only mine is clinically depressed. But then you realized yours probably is also. I'm in the same boat. I had him when I was 19, raised him as a single mom also. Was an excellent student, popular, hilarious, tons of friends, girlfriends, social butterfly, healthy as a horse, worked out at gyms, was into raw food diets. All that changed 2 years ago when he went off to live with his dad and attend university out of state. He grew up only seeing his dad for 2 weeks in the summer each year. They were never close. His dad and I were high school sweethearts but never married, broke up when he was 5. I think trying to establish a relationship with his dad and attend college AND being so far away from me was too much for him. It doesn't help that his dad is emotionally unavailable and does not know how to show love. He's like a dictator, as this was how he was raised. None the less, it was a traumatic event for my son to be thrown into all those circumstances at once apparently, because he became a different person. Now living with me for almost the past full hear, he is a recluse, can't even go to the grocery store, as he says he doesn't know how to be around people and he hates it. He said he also hates his dad and knows he will never speak to him again (and says he has that on his conscious now too). He hates himself, thinks God hates him, constantly calls himself a failure. We've tried different medications, therapists, holistic remedies, cold turkey, nothing has worked. He has never given any medications more than a month's worth of change, so who knows if one of them might've worked. I'm so fed up with him. Like your son, he doesn't care for his personal hygeine, he comes out of his room in th middle of the night to get food like a rodent in the night, he doesn't talk to me or his little brother. he's had countless opportunities for jobs, schooling, hobbies to feel better, he refuses them all. He has become just a grown man, living in my home, not caring about anyone nor himself. He has let his cell phone bill and auto insurance bills lapse. I am in a debate with myself on whether I should pay for his cell phone bill now, because I know if I don't , he won't. Then I will have zero contact with him. I have recently tried the tough love thing and told him if he was now refusing treatment, he will have 2 weeks to find a job and another place to live. I have a younger son I need to care for and doesn't deserve this home life. Well my difficult child took the ultimatum as a sign that I now hate him and said he would be out by end of the week. But with no phone, no car, no money, no chance at job, not able to see or socialize with other human beings, he will be one of those homeless young men on the street, I just know it. I live in a big city and the streets are rough. Also, the temps have been freezing lately. So I am in the exact situation as you. I don't want to enable him, but feeling like I have no other choice but to let him go. It's so difficult. I feel your pain in my heart. He's been my little boy, my buddy all these years and to see him a completely different person, not even resembling the boy he once was, it's heartbreaking. I will pray for you and your son and hope he finds his way, and that you find your peace. Hugs.. [/QUOTE]
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My 20 year old son won't move out. HELP!
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