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My 20 yr old clinically depressed son refuses help
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 618965" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>Wavering, our daughter's adolescence was so rough. She was in and out of treatment, on and off the streets, in and out of school. We had a younger son too, Wavering.... People would tell us not to forget how much he needed us, too. And he was such a good boy, Wavering. </p><p></p><p>He is a good man now, in his heart. </p><p></p><p>But when he was 16, he got into drugs, Wavering. We were so focused on our daughter that we never even knew, never once suspected this could happen to him. </p><p></p><p>He was like, the perfect kid.</p><p></p><p>Outrageously funny, confident, uber well-dressed; had a paper route and then, a great job that would have taken him through high school and college, too. Good looking kid. Running for president of his Student Council when...I don't know. Something snapped. </p><p></p><p>And just like that, we lost him. I know he is still in there? But he grew into a cynical, angry man, Wavering. He detests his sister to this day. He is angry that we did not put HIM into treatment. Who knew he was using drugs?!? </p><p></p><p>By the time I finally found this site and got my thinking straight ~ well, I was going to say it was too late. That isn't all together true. Because of this site, I was able to get a handle on what was really going on. (Not depression, not failure to thrive, not poor parenting, not rage at his sister ~ though that played a part.)</p><p></p><p>Drugs.</p><p></p><p>That is what was going on.</p><p></p><p>He refused treatment by the time we finally understood what was happening, to him and to us. He was old enough to refuse it, by that time.</p><p></p><p>He has pulled himself out of it, I think. He works hard...but he never did complete any kind of education that would matter. He so resents me, Wavering. He so resents me.</p><p></p><p>Know how I am learning (again, thank you to everyone here on the site who has been so patient with me) to help him and me?</p><p></p><p>By standing up.</p><p></p><p>By demanding better of him, telling him so, offending the heck out of him. Changing myself, and hoping that will change him, but refusing to accept anything less than the man he should be <u>for him</u>, Wavering.</p><p></p><p>Who else knows who and how he is supposed to be but his own mother? Who else can know what his potential really is, whatever it looks like?</p><p></p><p>His mother.</p><p></p><p>You have that same power.</p><p></p><p>But whatever happens with your oldest boy (and I think he should leave your home and never come back until he is himself, until he is the man you raised him to be) take time, take care, take every opportunity to parent your youngest child.</p><p></p><p>Please read my signature, Wavering. Not so long ago, I was like you are, now. So focused on that child who was acting out, so torn up over it. So kind of distracted, where my youngest was concerned.</p><p></p><p>I am so truly sorry this is happening to you, to your son, to your parents and extended family.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 618965, member: 17461"] Wavering, our daughter's adolescence was so rough. She was in and out of treatment, on and off the streets, in and out of school. We had a younger son too, Wavering.... People would tell us not to forget how much he needed us, too. And he was such a good boy, Wavering. He is a good man now, in his heart. But when he was 16, he got into drugs, Wavering. We were so focused on our daughter that we never even knew, never once suspected this could happen to him. He was like, the perfect kid. Outrageously funny, confident, uber well-dressed; had a paper route and then, a great job that would have taken him through high school and college, too. Good looking kid. Running for president of his Student Council when...I don't know. Something snapped. And just like that, we lost him. I know he is still in there? But he grew into a cynical, angry man, Wavering. He detests his sister to this day. He is angry that we did not put HIM into treatment. Who knew he was using drugs?!? By the time I finally found this site and got my thinking straight ~ well, I was going to say it was too late. That isn't all together true. Because of this site, I was able to get a handle on what was really going on. (Not depression, not failure to thrive, not poor parenting, not rage at his sister ~ though that played a part.) Drugs. That is what was going on. He refused treatment by the time we finally understood what was happening, to him and to us. He was old enough to refuse it, by that time. He has pulled himself out of it, I think. He works hard...but he never did complete any kind of education that would matter. He so resents me, Wavering. He so resents me. Know how I am learning (again, thank you to everyone here on the site who has been so patient with me) to help him and me? By standing up. By demanding better of him, telling him so, offending the heck out of him. Changing myself, and hoping that will change him, but refusing to accept anything less than the man he should be [U]for him[/U], Wavering. Who else knows who and how he is supposed to be but his own mother? Who else can know what his potential really is, whatever it looks like? His mother. You have that same power. But whatever happens with your oldest boy (and I think he should leave your home and never come back until he is himself, until he is the man you raised him to be) take time, take care, take every opportunity to parent your youngest child. Please read my signature, Wavering. Not so long ago, I was like you are, now. So focused on that child who was acting out, so torn up over it. So kind of distracted, where my youngest was concerned. I am so truly sorry this is happening to you, to your son, to your parents and extended family. Cedar [/QUOTE]
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My 20 yr old clinically depressed son refuses help
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