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My 20 yr old clinically depressed son refuses help
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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 623890" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>I went back and read your first post, Heff, where you said: "So the answer is....."</p><p></p><p>Wow, I wish we KNEW what the answer is. If we did, we all would run to it and buy a million gallons of it and douse our difficult children in it. </p><p>Wouldn't we? :apologetic:</p><p></p><p>That is the $64,000 question. We don't know. We don't know. We don't know.</p><p></p><p>And living with this level of uncertainty, stopping our millions of efforts to manage, fix, control and heal (all with good intentions), and turning that energy onto our own lives, wow, that is tough stuff. </p><p></p><p>It takes daily work. </p><p></p><p>My son continues to go down, Heff. I have stopped, and his dad has stopped, and everybody has stopped, but he still is going down. He got a job last Wednesday, Heff. Wednesday night he got arrested for shoplifting. </p><p></p><p>It makes no sense and it's not going to make any sense. </p><p></p><p>I have to remind myself that the stopping is first for me. And second for him. And I can't know God's timeline. I have to remind myself of this again and again, especially in the middle of the night.</p><p></p><p>I used to always put his welfare and his life ahead of my own. That's what mothers do right? That is mother-love. Yes, it is when they are children. </p><p></p><p>But now, Heff, we have adult people who are still our children (always will be) who are not functional. For whatever reason. </p><p></p><p>So what to do? I believe this with all of my heart, Heff: If I do for him what he has to learn to do for himself, he will never do it. </p><p></p><p>I have some basic truths that guide me back when I get shaky. </p><p></p><p>Another: His recovery from drug addiction will happen apart from me. I won't be part of the turning around. </p><p></p><p>Another: Stay out of the way and let God work. </p><p></p><p>Another: Give him the respect a grown man deserves, even though he is not acting like a grown man. Show him kindness and love and encouragement. </p><p></p><p>I have never done anything this hard, Heff. It takes daily work. I turn it over multiple times every day. This has humbled me like nothing else, and that is good. </p><p></p><p>Blessings and peace and my prayers are for you today.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 623890, member: 17542"] I went back and read your first post, Heff, where you said: "So the answer is....." Wow, I wish we KNEW what the answer is. If we did, we all would run to it and buy a million gallons of it and douse our difficult children in it. Wouldn't we? :apologetic: That is the $64,000 question. We don't know. We don't know. We don't know. And living with this level of uncertainty, stopping our millions of efforts to manage, fix, control and heal (all with good intentions), and turning that energy onto our own lives, wow, that is tough stuff. It takes daily work. My son continues to go down, Heff. I have stopped, and his dad has stopped, and everybody has stopped, but he still is going down. He got a job last Wednesday, Heff. Wednesday night he got arrested for shoplifting. It makes no sense and it's not going to make any sense. I have to remind myself that the stopping is first for me. And second for him. And I can't know God's timeline. I have to remind myself of this again and again, especially in the middle of the night. I used to always put his welfare and his life ahead of my own. That's what mothers do right? That is mother-love. Yes, it is when they are children. But now, Heff, we have adult people who are still our children (always will be) who are not functional. For whatever reason. So what to do? I believe this with all of my heart, Heff: If I do for him what he has to learn to do for himself, he will never do it. I have some basic truths that guide me back when I get shaky. Another: His recovery from drug addiction will happen apart from me. I won't be part of the turning around. Another: Stay out of the way and let God work. Another: Give him the respect a grown man deserves, even though he is not acting like a grown man. Show him kindness and love and encouragement. I have never done anything this hard, Heff. It takes daily work. I turn it over multiple times every day. This has humbled me like nothing else, and that is good. Blessings and peace and my prayers are for you today. [/QUOTE]
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My 20 yr old clinically depressed son refuses help
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