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My 25 year old daughter wants space
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<blockquote data-quote="Kathy813" data-source="post: 736646" data-attributes="member: 1967"><p>Welcome Steph2mm. As I read your post, I had mixed feelings. First of all, she isn't into drugs or alcohol and seems to be functioning as an adult. I think you may be too involved in her life.</p><p></p><p>For example, getting upset about her and her boyfriend not wanting to spend the weekend instead of just a few hours on the Fourth of July. Many parents on the board would love to even have a few hours with their child. Your daughter and her boyfriend are young and probably have lots of friends and wanted to spend their weekend time doing other things. There is nothing wrong with that.</p><p></p><p>I can also understand her getting embarrassed in front of her boyfriend by your childhood stories. If she expressed embarrassment, you should have stopped. But you already know that.</p><p></p><p>Now for the mixed feelings. You absolutely have the right to expect your daughter to pay her loan obligations and she shouldn't get to run away from the conversation. It would have been better if you had been between just you and her. I am not sure your son needed to be there. She could have felt ganged up on.</p><p></p><p>You will need to decide if you are willing to take a stand on this. It may come to you telling her that you can't have a relationship with her while she is letting you take the responsibility of her loans. Don't do it, though, if you can't follow through. If you can't, be prepared to pay off the loans yourself because she will not pay them voluntarily. I learned the hard way after having to pay for apartments that I cosigned for that I will never cosign or lend money to my daughters again. Like SWOT, if I decide to give money to my daughters, I consider it a gift.</p><p></p><p>I agree with Wish. Give your daughter space. Don't reach out to her. Let her contact you and set the time frames for visits. In the meantime, I think seeing a therapist to help you with co-dependency and enabling would be a good idea.</p><p></p><p>I know because it took two years of private therapy for my husband and me to be able to set firm boundaries for our daughter. She responded by growing up and getting sober. We have a wonderful relationship today.</p><p></p><p>~Kathy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Kathy813, post: 736646, member: 1967"] Welcome Steph2mm. As I read your post, I had mixed feelings. First of all, she isn't into drugs or alcohol and seems to be functioning as an adult. I think you may be too involved in her life. For example, getting upset about her and her boyfriend not wanting to spend the weekend instead of just a few hours on the Fourth of July. Many parents on the board would love to even have a few hours with their child. Your daughter and her boyfriend are young and probably have lots of friends and wanted to spend their weekend time doing other things. There is nothing wrong with that. I can also understand her getting embarrassed in front of her boyfriend by your childhood stories. If she expressed embarrassment, you should have stopped. But you already know that. Now for the mixed feelings. You absolutely have the right to expect your daughter to pay her loan obligations and she shouldn't get to run away from the conversation. It would have been better if you had been between just you and her. I am not sure your son needed to be there. She could have felt ganged up on. You will need to decide if you are willing to take a stand on this. It may come to you telling her that you can't have a relationship with her while she is letting you take the responsibility of her loans. Don't do it, though, if you can't follow through. If you can't, be prepared to pay off the loans yourself because she will not pay them voluntarily. I learned the hard way after having to pay for apartments that I cosigned for that I will never cosign or lend money to my daughters again. Like SWOT, if I decide to give money to my daughters, I consider it a gift. I agree with Wish. Give your daughter space. Don't reach out to her. Let her contact you and set the time frames for visits. In the meantime, I think seeing a therapist to help you with co-dependency and enabling would be a good idea. I know because it took two years of private therapy for my husband and me to be able to set firm boundaries for our daughter. She responded by growing up and getting sober. We have a wonderful relationship today. ~Kathy [/QUOTE]
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My 25 year old daughter wants space
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