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My 5 year-old - screaming, hitting, disobedient
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<blockquote data-quote="Ropefree" data-source="post: 233515" data-attributes="member: 6271"><p>Heather: yes, that sounds like the joys of motherhood as I remember 5.</p><p> Definately pull out all the electronic type toys...period when he is not looking. Send time with him reading and doing things like making things, clay, a rice table is good, anything involving squeezing stuff out of a tube(otherwise they do it in kindergarden and teachers LOVE IT when a child is tierd of squeezing stuff out of a tube BEFOR kindergarden)....lots of out door fun that keeps him moving....swimming is VERY GOOD...EVERYDAY For HOURS!!</p><p> REad to him ALOT...it is a wonderful transition activity between activities and especially between waking and sleeping. At that age I would have a stack of books on one side of the bed and I might very well read all of them then piling them up on the other side of the bed. And chapter books as well.The practise of reading to a child gives them the language base, teaches them to listen well, and also models and engages him in the skills to read...like sitting in one place. Also, in my opinion, the close contact with Mom and Dad each day for long sessions of reading provides the calm intimate foundation for consentration in a relaxed, supported environmetnt that then is internalized and creates a lifelong ability to center onesself....as well as prioritizing active learning...</p><p>REading is also a twin cousin of our other lifelong skill that is elemental in all our </p><p>emotional lives: Time out.</p><p> In my opinion time out as "a punishment" misses the point. The out of control angery type behavoir you are sharing with us in the five year old is the physical acting out of what we will all experiance until the day we die: reactive emotion. That frontal lobe filter that acts as a pause between symulus A and knee jerk B is LEARNED BEHAVIOUR. Our all time wise words "Think befor you act"</p><p>No adult is unaware of how much effort is actually involved with FEELING MAD and THINKING WELL. When parenting the role of embracing and angery child and holding them when they are angery and reassuring them that 1) You look angery. 2)The mad feeling will pass. 3) It is OK. This is a good time for a relaxing time out.</p><p> Agression is the easiest behavior we humans learn. We have to respond to it: either we do nothing and are hurt;duck and avoid it;or we respond as a new inductee to the abnormal use of human power by returning the act in kind.</p><p> What we learn from is also keen compassionate acts of attention to one another. For small children we teach best when we are pro-actively inviting more </p><p>of what we want. "Walk" as apposed to "Don't Run"..."Talk to me gently" as apposed to "Don't yell" and affirming what IS GOOD BEHAVIOR (in a moment when your 5 is being calm and appropriate you can safely tell him with confidence that he is a capable learner). </p><p> The five year old is a being who is learning ALOT all the time and this age is excellant for them to learn multiple languages and to begin to do many more things than ever befor. hense it is EVEN MORE exhausting for parents. You need a plan. you can make a daily schedule that moves from one thing to another just to keep up the pace that is appropriate for the 5's learning abilities.</p><p>practice is the tool and the multiple things that you do control completely are what all is on the agenda for him to do each day. For him it is the work of PLAY.</p><p>For you it is the work of providing the activities that move him forward on his journey of learning.</p><p> The vedio type games I like for the five are the ones that keep them moving. The bike in front of the vedio screen that he has to pedal to play...That I could have used. Daily. Plug in the kid and get the calls made, and do the things I had to do. </p><p> Definately have the 5 doing chores with you regularly TO EARN time on the game. but not now. Not until he is behaving well and earns the time fro his good behavior. If you pull all of it and let him learn to behave without baiting him....I hate that. Ithink that when parents bait their children with "things" they are setting themselves up for a child who is going to be turning to pandering himself to you and it is DISCUSTING. Kids who are participating in the family life like hookers turning tricks: not a smart choice. We all have to do the daily stuff and nobody is the servant for hire.</p><p> Also my son was a biter. The ultimate parent nightmare. "use your words" rather than do not bite. I would use the bite and the hit as the foundation for you explaination as to what has to change. Until you use your words and do as I tell you NONE of that fun for you.</p><p> Get ready for the wild ride as he plys his skills at controlling you through his tantrum mastery. Remember these are the samples of how well he does learn. If his room is safe just let him ride it out in there. if you have to be in the room with him what I would do is hold him in a chair like a lifeguard and do :if you have to say anything use your most sincere beautiful womans voice and softly say something like "this feeling will pass. I am right here." I would also make a soothing outward sigh sound to remind him how to relax...not in the heat of his rage but as he begins to tucker out.</p><p> What is not going to work is to let him intimidate you. </p><p> I use to ask my son this question: do you want me to handle this with my loving adult manners (and changing tone and facial expression)OR DO YOU WANT THE MOMMY MONSTER?</p><p> If you are consistant with your child one day you will lead your child with looks and gesters from across the room. When you mean business and you follow through your child will from time to time act up...usually in developemental transitions...but the foundation will give you two the tools to get the good thing going like a vigurous plant that may need pruning from time to time but it will flourish from the effort.</p><p> Hope so of this is somehow usefull. Best of luck. These are the big challenges, Mom. Seeking help and insight is the path to gathering what works for you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Ropefree, post: 233515, member: 6271"] Heather: yes, that sounds like the joys of motherhood as I remember 5. Definately pull out all the electronic type toys...period when he is not looking. Send time with him reading and doing things like making things, clay, a rice table is good, anything involving squeezing stuff out of a tube(otherwise they do it in kindergarden and teachers LOVE IT when a child is tierd of squeezing stuff out of a tube BEFOR kindergarden)....lots of out door fun that keeps him moving....swimming is VERY GOOD...EVERYDAY For HOURS!! REad to him ALOT...it is a wonderful transition activity between activities and especially between waking and sleeping. At that age I would have a stack of books on one side of the bed and I might very well read all of them then piling them up on the other side of the bed. And chapter books as well.The practise of reading to a child gives them the language base, teaches them to listen well, and also models and engages him in the skills to read...like sitting in one place. Also, in my opinion, the close contact with Mom and Dad each day for long sessions of reading provides the calm intimate foundation for consentration in a relaxed, supported environmetnt that then is internalized and creates a lifelong ability to center onesself....as well as prioritizing active learning... REading is also a twin cousin of our other lifelong skill that is elemental in all our emotional lives: Time out. In my opinion time out as "a punishment" misses the point. The out of control angery type behavoir you are sharing with us in the five year old is the physical acting out of what we will all experiance until the day we die: reactive emotion. That frontal lobe filter that acts as a pause between symulus A and knee jerk B is LEARNED BEHAVIOUR. Our all time wise words "Think befor you act" No adult is unaware of how much effort is actually involved with FEELING MAD and THINKING WELL. When parenting the role of embracing and angery child and holding them when they are angery and reassuring them that 1) You look angery. 2)The mad feeling will pass. 3) It is OK. This is a good time for a relaxing time out. Agression is the easiest behavior we humans learn. We have to respond to it: either we do nothing and are hurt;duck and avoid it;or we respond as a new inductee to the abnormal use of human power by returning the act in kind. What we learn from is also keen compassionate acts of attention to one another. For small children we teach best when we are pro-actively inviting more of what we want. "Walk" as apposed to "Don't Run"..."Talk to me gently" as apposed to "Don't yell" and affirming what IS GOOD BEHAVIOR (in a moment when your 5 is being calm and appropriate you can safely tell him with confidence that he is a capable learner). The five year old is a being who is learning ALOT all the time and this age is excellant for them to learn multiple languages and to begin to do many more things than ever befor. hense it is EVEN MORE exhausting for parents. You need a plan. you can make a daily schedule that moves from one thing to another just to keep up the pace that is appropriate for the 5's learning abilities. practice is the tool and the multiple things that you do control completely are what all is on the agenda for him to do each day. For him it is the work of PLAY. For you it is the work of providing the activities that move him forward on his journey of learning. The vedio type games I like for the five are the ones that keep them moving. The bike in front of the vedio screen that he has to pedal to play...That I could have used. Daily. Plug in the kid and get the calls made, and do the things I had to do. Definately have the 5 doing chores with you regularly TO EARN time on the game. but not now. Not until he is behaving well and earns the time fro his good behavior. If you pull all of it and let him learn to behave without baiting him....I hate that. Ithink that when parents bait their children with "things" they are setting themselves up for a child who is going to be turning to pandering himself to you and it is DISCUSTING. Kids who are participating in the family life like hookers turning tricks: not a smart choice. We all have to do the daily stuff and nobody is the servant for hire. Also my son was a biter. The ultimate parent nightmare. "use your words" rather than do not bite. I would use the bite and the hit as the foundation for you explaination as to what has to change. Until you use your words and do as I tell you NONE of that fun for you. Get ready for the wild ride as he plys his skills at controlling you through his tantrum mastery. Remember these are the samples of how well he does learn. If his room is safe just let him ride it out in there. if you have to be in the room with him what I would do is hold him in a chair like a lifeguard and do :if you have to say anything use your most sincere beautiful womans voice and softly say something like "this feeling will pass. I am right here." I would also make a soothing outward sigh sound to remind him how to relax...not in the heat of his rage but as he begins to tucker out. What is not going to work is to let him intimidate you. I use to ask my son this question: do you want me to handle this with my loving adult manners (and changing tone and facial expression)OR DO YOU WANT THE MOMMY MONSTER? If you are consistant with your child one day you will lead your child with looks and gesters from across the room. When you mean business and you follow through your child will from time to time act up...usually in developemental transitions...but the foundation will give you two the tools to get the good thing going like a vigurous plant that may need pruning from time to time but it will flourish from the effort. Hope so of this is somehow usefull. Best of luck. These are the big challenges, Mom. Seeking help and insight is the path to gathering what works for you. [/QUOTE]
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