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My 6 year old is bullying.
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 391498" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>DaisyFace, that was well explained. It can be so difficult to try to work out what is going on, but some level of social ineptitude with one or both kids is often underlying repeat, obvious, bullying behaviour. And yes, it needs to be dealt with and not simply punished each time. It is important to be proactive.</p><p></p><p>I remember difficult child 3 getting very angry with his best friend during a chess game one afternoon. The friend was a nice kid who was enjoying the game and smiling. difficult child 3 interpreted the smile as deceit, he believed that his friend was smiling because he was trying to trick him in the game. Trying to cheat. I found it interesting that this was difficult child 3's reaction. We talked about it; I stopped the game for a while, asked difficult child 3 why he thought his friend was cheating and in what way he could possibly be cheating if I was there supervising the game. We finally got the message through to difficult child 3 that sometimes people just smile because they are happy; it doesn't mean anything nasty is going down. Luckily the friend was VERY understanding, had a really good understanding of difficult child 3's autism. Amazing, for his age. They moved away from the area a few months later and we really missed him. The boys were 8 years old at the most, probably only 7. </p><p></p><p>Social skills programs are worth pursuing but can still be of limited use if the child's social capability is just not there yet. You can't teach what a child is not ready to learn, and sometimes the brain just isn't yet mature enough. Also if there are other ongoing hidden issues (such as difficult child 3 on the receiving end of a lot of ongoing bullying) then a lot of what you are trying to teach can get undermined. In our case we were working hard on difficult child 3 to teach him to never hit back under any circumstances. Meanwhile, he was being hit by other kids, regularly. So his lesson and eventual behaviour was irritability with people in general, coupled with just standing there and asking people to hurry up and hit him (so it would be over sooner). It heightened his anxiety considerably, which greatly reduced any chance of him learning anything, either academically or socially.</p><p></p><p>It's really important to get a good understanding of what is going on, and frankly, this requires a high level of observation and very careful questioning of those involved.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 391498, member: 1991"] DaisyFace, that was well explained. It can be so difficult to try to work out what is going on, but some level of social ineptitude with one or both kids is often underlying repeat, obvious, bullying behaviour. And yes, it needs to be dealt with and not simply punished each time. It is important to be proactive. I remember difficult child 3 getting very angry with his best friend during a chess game one afternoon. The friend was a nice kid who was enjoying the game and smiling. difficult child 3 interpreted the smile as deceit, he believed that his friend was smiling because he was trying to trick him in the game. Trying to cheat. I found it interesting that this was difficult child 3's reaction. We talked about it; I stopped the game for a while, asked difficult child 3 why he thought his friend was cheating and in what way he could possibly be cheating if I was there supervising the game. We finally got the message through to difficult child 3 that sometimes people just smile because they are happy; it doesn't mean anything nasty is going down. Luckily the friend was VERY understanding, had a really good understanding of difficult child 3's autism. Amazing, for his age. They moved away from the area a few months later and we really missed him. The boys were 8 years old at the most, probably only 7. Social skills programs are worth pursuing but can still be of limited use if the child's social capability is just not there yet. You can't teach what a child is not ready to learn, and sometimes the brain just isn't yet mature enough. Also if there are other ongoing hidden issues (such as difficult child 3 on the receiving end of a lot of ongoing bullying) then a lot of what you are trying to teach can get undermined. In our case we were working hard on difficult child 3 to teach him to never hit back under any circumstances. Meanwhile, he was being hit by other kids, regularly. So his lesson and eventual behaviour was irritability with people in general, coupled with just standing there and asking people to hurry up and hit him (so it would be over sooner). It heightened his anxiety considerably, which greatly reduced any chance of him learning anything, either academically or socially. It's really important to get a good understanding of what is going on, and frankly, this requires a high level of observation and very careful questioning of those involved. Marg [/QUOTE]
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