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<blockquote data-quote="Kathy813" data-source="post: 599934" data-attributes="member: 1967">That is exactly where I am with my difficult child right now.&nbsp; If I talk to her or exchange texts with her, it is an immediate opening for her to ask for things, complain about her life, and try to manipulate me into letting her come home.For now, I have found it easier to just take a relationship break from her.&nbsp; Of course, that is easier for me to do because I know that she is in sober living for the time being and they would let me know if something terrible happened to her.&nbsp; It is going to take you a long time to get to this point.&nbsp; Detaching from your son's behavior is a long process and I agree with RE that you will need help to set those boundaries.&nbsp; I have been down this road for a long time and I am just now seeing a therapist to help me detach and set boundaries.&nbsp; We also have a family counselor that we have worked with since difficult child went into a residential treatment program and she is also very helpful in helping us hold difficult child accountable and helping us see difficult child's manipulative behaviors.Many are helped with 12-step family groups like Al-Anon or Families Anonymous.&nbsp; I have tried them and don't feel comfortable in the 12-step setting. husband and I went to a NAMI support group for a while and found it helpful.&nbsp; You just need to do what helps you in a setting where you feel comfortable.&nbsp; Remember that you didn't cause this, you can't control it, and you can't cure it.&nbsp; At this point, all you can do is learn how to let go so he doesn't drag you down with him and hope for the best.&nbsp; He is only 19 years old.&nbsp; He may grow out of it and still lead a good life.~Kathy</blockquote>

[QUOTE="Kathy813, post: 599934, member: 1967"] That is exactly where I am with my difficult child right now. If I talk to her or exchange texts with her, it is an immediate opening for her to ask for things, complain about her life, and try to manipulate me into letting her come home. For now, I have found it easier to just take a relationship break from her. Of course, that is easier for me to do because I know that she is in sober living for the time being and they would let me know if something terrible happened to her. It is going to take you a long time to get to this point. Detaching from your son's behavior is a long process and I agree with RE that you will need help to set those boundaries. I have been down this road for a long time and I am just now seeing a therapist to help me detach and set boundaries. We also have a family counselor that we have worked with since difficult child went into a residential treatment program and she is also very helpful in helping us hold difficult child accountable and helping us see difficult child's manipulative behaviors. Many are helped with 12-step family groups like Al-Anon or Families Anonymous. I have tried them and don't feel comfortable in the 12-step setting. husband and I went to a NAMI support group for a while and found it helpful. You just need to do what helps you in a setting where you feel comfortable. Remember that you didn't cause this, you can't control it, and you can't cure it. At this point, all you can do is learn how to let go so he doesn't drag you down with him and hope for the best. He is only 19 years old. He may grow out of it and still lead a good life. ~Kathy [/QUOTE]

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