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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 600755" data-attributes="member: 13542">What makes all of this so incredibly difficult is that we all do exactly what you are describing, doubt ourselves, want to believe everything other then what we can see with our own eyes and know in our own hearts,&nbsp; we want to hold on to the hope that our kids are okay, that we have misread all the signs, been punishing when they are &quot;misunderstood, mentally challenged, just going through a stage, not as bad as we or anyone else thinks...........you name it, we've justified, rationalized, lied to ourselves, bent the truth, hidden the reality................we've done it all, just like you, it's unfortunately part of the detachment process............denial, in all it's many forms. That's why having a professional, a group, someone outside of the framework within which you live, who can see the truth, who is not swayed by love or parental guilt or fantasy or expectations.............can help guide us to the truth and the appropriate, healthy ways in which we can not only take care of ourselves, but insist our adult kids bear their own responsibility for their actions and face the natural consequences of their behavior. Talk about all of these feelings in your counseling appointments, in the 12 step groups and the NAMI group, that is where you will hear the truth and find tools to cope with the constant self doubt. It's hard Seo, it's very hard, we always want to believe the best, but in bending the reality to fit our misguided attempts to save our kids, we actually do them more harm then good by allowing their bad behavior to continue. Stay strong, stay the course, seek out support and keep posting................hugs........</blockquote>

[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 600755, member: 13542"] What makes all of this so incredibly difficult is that we all do exactly what you are describing, doubt ourselves, want to believe everything other then what we can see with our own eyes and know in our own hearts, we want to hold on to the hope that our kids are okay, that we have misread all the signs, been punishing when they are "misunderstood, mentally challenged, just going through a stage, not as bad as we or anyone else thinks...........you name it, we've justified, rationalized, lied to ourselves, bent the truth, hidden the reality................we've done it all, just like you, it's unfortunately part of the detachment process............denial, in all it's many forms. That's why having a professional, a group, someone outside of the framework within which you live, who can see the truth, who is not swayed by love or parental guilt or fantasy or expectations.............can help guide us to the truth and the appropriate, healthy ways in which we can not only take care of ourselves, but insist our adult kids bear their own responsibility for their actions and face the natural consequences of their behavior. Talk about all of these feelings in your counseling appointments, in the 12 step groups and the NAMI group, that is where you will hear the truth and find tools to cope with the constant self doubt. It's hard Seo, it's very hard, we always want to believe the best, but in bending the reality to fit our misguided attempts to save our kids, we actually do them more harm then good by allowing their bad behavior to continue. Stay strong, stay the course, seek out support and keep posting................hugs........ [/QUOTE]

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