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My dad wants to meet to talk. Eek!
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 681910" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>Yes. This is beautiful.</p><p></p><p>Remember this quote, everyone?</p><p></p><p><span style="font-size: 15px"><strong>Joanna Russ Quote</strong></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 15px"></span></p><p>Faith is not contrary to the usual ideas, something that turns out to be right or wrong, like a gambler's bet: it's an act, an intention, a project, something that makes you, in leaping into the future, go so far, far, far ahead that you shoot clean out of time and right into Eternity, which is not theend of time or a whole lot of time or unending time, but timelessness, the old Eternal Now.</p><p></p><p>- Joanna Russ</p><p></p><p>I remember, after daughter's troubles, losing my faith. Nothing made sense, and everything was very dark for me then.</p><p></p><p>I posted about it here.</p><p></p><p>I began saying yes. I learned the beginning of saying, "I don't know."</p><p></p><p>Slowly, without thinking it through and without awareness even, I began to hold faith with whatever was. With the thinking that somehow, since everything was as it was, there was no where to stand or to be or to do anything but what was in front of me to do. With the understanding that perhaps there was a purpose I could never know.</p><p></p><p>Or, that there was only the purpose I gave to it.</p><p></p><p>Which changed everything.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>We do. And we are vulnerable then to victimization by others. But we are only alive in this minute in this day we are in. How fortunate we are to be alive. How did it come to be that this fullness of gratitude and joy that is ours by virtue of our aliveness...how did the wonder of being here get so twisted, for us?</p><p></p><p>How sad for us, that this was so.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Yes. And somewhere along the line, we were taught we were less than because we were not perfectionsim. Somewhere along the line, we learned shame instead of the truth that, as Copa posted: <em>"...we have no way of knowing at the time the true result, which can only be known at the end."</em></p><p></p><p><em>"Life is a cumulative thing. It consists of our interaction with circumstances in the form of our choices. Our moral choices make our life."</em></p><p> </p><p>Thank you, Copa. This was beautifully and clearly written. I love the part about life being a cumulative thing. However we learned to judge ourselves so harshly, that phrase is the truth that exposes the lie. What a lovely thing to teach our children.</p><p></p><p><em>"Our moral choices make our life."</em></p><p></p><p>:O)</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Copa, without the extended family support that is typical of so many other cultures, it is literally impossible for the child of the elderly American parent to cope, on his or her own, with the increasing level of care and attention required. With the guilt. With the terrible sadness. These are the emotions our siblings and their families can help everyone through as the elderly parent fails.</p><p></p><p>You did not have that.</p><p></p><p>You performed your duty beautifully and with integrity, Copa. You were there for your mother in every way. As the level of care required mounted and mounted, you coped. As the sadness came rolling in waves, you withstood it and did what was the next right thing to do.</p><p></p><p>And you did it alone.</p><p></p><p>How awful for you, Copa.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Copa, with great gentleness, I see: Your mother could not help what was happening to her. We none of us knows how to do this. Again, we are alone and we do what we can until the power is no longer in us and the body itself determines the time.</p><p></p><p>But Copa...you should never have had to face all of it ~ the fear and the pain and the wondering whether you might have done better ~ you should never have been required to face that alone. You should never have been put in that position, Copa.</p><p></p><p>But you were.</p><p></p><p>It is a little like the mother giving birth with her family and the midwife and the customs surrounding birthing children versus a mother giving birth for the first time alone, in the wilderness, and without food or even, water.</p><p></p><p>Not so much as a sip of sweet, sweet water, Copa.</p><p></p><p>And the birth comes as it will. And Copa, death comes as it will, too.</p><p></p><p>And you were not offered so much as a sip of sweet water, Copa.</p><p></p><p>Your sister condemned you both, instead.</p><p></p><p>But you, Copa? You performed beautifully. Your mother was never alone. If you were not there, she knew you would be, soon.</p><p></p><p>That is an abundance of sweet water, Copa.</p><p></p><p>For your mother.</p><p></p><p>You loved her beautifully, Copa.</p><p></p><p>And now that you know, and now that the time of punishing yourself because no one shared this traumatic hurt with you is over, you can allow yourself the sweet water, Copa.</p><p></p><p>The other person, the sibling who should have been there for you and for your mother and her own...her time is past, Copa.</p><p></p><p>Her time is past.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I love this.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>This is very hard for me. But as we have worked here, I have learned that if we can form a habit of listening for our own negative thinking, we can choose or change the mood of our response. This has to do with determining to hold ourselves with compassion and sticking to it. I learned too that we are often heartlessly cruel to ourselves in ways we would never accept if it were two strangers interacting with one another the way we sometimes talk to ourselves.</p><p></p><p>We bully ourselves. Sometimes, we think such awful things about ourselves in private, when the truth is that even how we treat ourselves can be, as Copa says, messy and imperfect. </p><p></p><p>But we are learning how to self cherish.</p><p></p><p>And how to acknowledge joy. Which I am beginning to believe has to do with Nietzsch's love came first.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 681910, member: 17461"] Yes. This is beautiful. Remember this quote, everyone? [SIZE=4][B]Joanna Russ Quote[/B] [B][/B][/SIZE] Faith is not contrary to the usual ideas, something that turns out to be right or wrong, like a gambler's bet: it's an act, an intention, a project, something that makes you, in leaping into the future, go so far, far, far ahead that you shoot clean out of time and right into Eternity, which is not theend of time or a whole lot of time or unending time, but timelessness, the old Eternal Now. - Joanna Russ I remember, after daughter's troubles, losing my faith. Nothing made sense, and everything was very dark for me then. I posted about it here. I began saying yes. I learned the beginning of saying, "I don't know." Slowly, without thinking it through and without awareness even, I began to hold faith with whatever was. With the thinking that somehow, since everything was as it was, there was no where to stand or to be or to do anything but what was in front of me to do. With the understanding that perhaps there was a purpose I could never know. Or, that there was only the purpose I gave to it. Which changed everything. We do. And we are vulnerable then to victimization by others. But we are only alive in this minute in this day we are in. How fortunate we are to be alive. How did it come to be that this fullness of gratitude and joy that is ours by virtue of our aliveness...how did the wonder of being here get so twisted, for us? How sad for us, that this was so. Yes. And somewhere along the line, we were taught we were less than because we were not perfectionsim. Somewhere along the line, we learned shame instead of the truth that, as Copa posted: [I]"...we have no way of knowing at the time the true result, which can only be known at the end."[/I] [I]"Life is a cumulative thing. It consists of our interaction with circumstances in the form of our choices. Our moral choices make our life."[/I] Thank you, Copa. This was beautifully and clearly written. I love the part about life being a cumulative thing. However we learned to judge ourselves so harshly, that phrase is the truth that exposes the lie. What a lovely thing to teach our children. [I]"Our moral choices make our life."[/I] :O) Copa, without the extended family support that is typical of so many other cultures, it is literally impossible for the child of the elderly American parent to cope, on his or her own, with the increasing level of care and attention required. With the guilt. With the terrible sadness. These are the emotions our siblings and their families can help everyone through as the elderly parent fails. You did not have that. You performed your duty beautifully and with integrity, Copa. You were there for your mother in every way. As the level of care required mounted and mounted, you coped. As the sadness came rolling in waves, you withstood it and did what was the next right thing to do. And you did it alone. How awful for you, Copa. Copa, with great gentleness, I see: Your mother could not help what was happening to her. We none of us knows how to do this. Again, we are alone and we do what we can until the power is no longer in us and the body itself determines the time. But Copa...you should never have had to face all of it ~ the fear and the pain and the wondering whether you might have done better ~ you should never have been required to face that alone. You should never have been put in that position, Copa. But you were. It is a little like the mother giving birth with her family and the midwife and the customs surrounding birthing children versus a mother giving birth for the first time alone, in the wilderness, and without food or even, water. Not so much as a sip of sweet, sweet water, Copa. And the birth comes as it will. And Copa, death comes as it will, too. And you were not offered so much as a sip of sweet water, Copa. Your sister condemned you both, instead. But you, Copa? You performed beautifully. Your mother was never alone. If you were not there, she knew you would be, soon. That is an abundance of sweet water, Copa. For your mother. You loved her beautifully, Copa. And now that you know, and now that the time of punishing yourself because no one shared this traumatic hurt with you is over, you can allow yourself the sweet water, Copa. The other person, the sibling who should have been there for you and for your mother and her own...her time is past, Copa. Her time is past. I love this. This is very hard for me. But as we have worked here, I have learned that if we can form a habit of listening for our own negative thinking, we can choose or change the mood of our response. This has to do with determining to hold ourselves with compassion and sticking to it. I learned too that we are often heartlessly cruel to ourselves in ways we would never accept if it were two strangers interacting with one another the way we sometimes talk to ourselves. We bully ourselves. Sometimes, we think such awful things about ourselves in private, when the truth is that even how we treat ourselves can be, as Copa says, messy and imperfect. But we are learning how to self cherish. And how to acknowledge joy. Which I am beginning to believe has to do with Nietzsch's love came first. Cedar [/QUOTE]
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