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My daughter is a prostitute
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 687328" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Yes.</p><p></p><p>I agree with GN. There are two parts to this that can be looked at separately and handled separately.</p><p></p><p>First is the prostitution.</p><p></p><p>Second is the abuse.</p><p></p><p>Every parent on this board has to deal with the latter. Most of us have to deal with the former, too. Our kids have chosen lifestyles antithetical to ours and to our values, and those to which they were raised. Whether homelessness, or drug use, or drug sales, or sloth, or fill in the blank, we all are dealing with the same thing.</p><p></p><p>In my family, I will not accept the abuse. I am ambivalent about the lifestyle choices. I accept my son's right to his life. I do not accept his right to expose me to it. If he chooses to accept my help and support, he lives in a way that is compatible with my lifestyle or he leaves. Still, there is constant tension around this.</p><p></p><p>I suggest you read the detachment article if you have not already done so. It helps.</p><p></p><p>I wrote this post before the posts by SWOT and GN came on, which precede mine.</p><p></p><p>I think the dialog about prostitution, per se, is useful to many of us. It shows how each of us thinks differently about the same thing and how we cannot know how another mother feels unless we have been in her shoes. It is one thing to think about prostitution in the abstract, it is another to see your child in this life.</p><p></p><p>I was going to write in a post above, how I feel conflicted because my son's strongest motivation is to preserve his SSI. I believe in work and goals and ambition, and it saddens me that my son does not seem much interested in any of these things.</p><p></p><p>While I understand that lack of motivation, difficulty with goals and work skills can all be tied up in a specific diagnosis of mental illness, and I surely get that it can be wrong and mean to project my own values onto a person who has different interests, values or capabilities, I am a person too. A person who is a mother.</p><p></p><p>I did not include my feelings about my own son in the post above because I did not want to hurt anybody else, with my value judgments, and I did not want to be criticized for having value judgments. </p><p></p><p>We are not disinterested observers. We are not politicians or civil rights attorneys. We have pain when our dreams for our children turned into something difficult and ugly for us, and in our hearts, for our children. We had dreams for our children before they were capable of having them for themselves. We guided them. and nurtured them, based upon these dreams. It is very, very hard to let go of a dream. Especially if it has turned into a nightmare.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 687328, member: 18958"] Yes. I agree with GN. There are two parts to this that can be looked at separately and handled separately. First is the prostitution. Second is the abuse. Every parent on this board has to deal with the latter. Most of us have to deal with the former, too. Our kids have chosen lifestyles antithetical to ours and to our values, and those to which they were raised. Whether homelessness, or drug use, or drug sales, or sloth, or fill in the blank, we all are dealing with the same thing. In my family, I will not accept the abuse. I am ambivalent about the lifestyle choices. I accept my son's right to his life. I do not accept his right to expose me to it. If he chooses to accept my help and support, he lives in a way that is compatible with my lifestyle or he leaves. Still, there is constant tension around this. I suggest you read the detachment article if you have not already done so. It helps. I wrote this post before the posts by SWOT and GN came on, which precede mine. I think the dialog about prostitution, per se, is useful to many of us. It shows how each of us thinks differently about the same thing and how we cannot know how another mother feels unless we have been in her shoes. It is one thing to think about prostitution in the abstract, it is another to see your child in this life. I was going to write in a post above, how I feel conflicted because my son's strongest motivation is to preserve his SSI. I believe in work and goals and ambition, and it saddens me that my son does not seem much interested in any of these things. While I understand that lack of motivation, difficulty with goals and work skills can all be tied up in a specific diagnosis of mental illness, and I surely get that it can be wrong and mean to project my own values onto a person who has different interests, values or capabilities, I am a person too. A person who is a mother. I did not include my feelings about my own son in the post above because I did not want to hurt anybody else, with my value judgments, and I did not want to be criticized for having value judgments. We are not disinterested observers. We are not politicians or civil rights attorneys. We have pain when our dreams for our children turned into something difficult and ugly for us, and in our hearts, for our children. We had dreams for our children before they were capable of having them for themselves. We guided them. and nurtured them, based upon these dreams. It is very, very hard to let go of a dream. Especially if it has turned into a nightmare. [/QUOTE]
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