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My daughter is a prostitute
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<blockquote data-quote="Slimothy" data-source="post: 687812" data-attributes="member: 20314"><p>Gosh Cedar, you share the straight talk stuff. It helps. You have raised things that have got me thinking. I was thinking yesterday of my daughter’s life in terms of three decades (she is 31).</p><p></p><p>In the first decade, she lived alone with me for six years, and then me and my first husband and our baby son, for a couple of years, and then with me and my son as a sole parent again, for another year. During that time, my mother and her business were hugely influential. Basically, my mother snapped her fingers when she wanted my help and I came running. Her life motto was ‘shape up or ship out!’ My daughter was quite close to my mother, although did boss my mother around.</p><p></p><p>In the following decade I moved away and was in the church with my children. I became very righteous. I definitely went from the frying pan into the fire in regards to living according to manmade rules. For instance, as a woman in the church I was not allowed to speak and I was not allowed to wear trousers. I raised my daughter from the age of 9-19 (when she went to university), exposed to and according to these awful oppressive rules.</p><p></p><p>Being excommunicated from the church was tragic! My church ‘family’ had become my all. I had been to their weddings, family funerals, taught their kids Sunday school, totally invested myself in all their lives- they were told NOT TO talk with me, and to cross the street if they saw me, until I repented. My daughter was VERY CLOSE to a man in the church and she had worked cleaning a studio he has, every Saturday morning for years. After I was excommunicated, his relationship with her ended too.</p><p></p><p>This all went down only a few months after my mum died, and I knew my mum was right about them, and right to have tried to warn me away.</p><p></p><p>So my daughter had the first decade of her life observing me under my mother’s rule, and the second decade observing me under the churches rule, both which cost her- the loss of people she loved.</p><p></p><p>So I think you are right Cedar, in that my daughter has had enough of walking according to anybody’s rules. Not only that, Crohn’s make her vulnerable around her mental and physical health…how she looks, who touches her and why, what drugs she has to put into her body….and I think she is going all out that she is a rule unto herself now.</p><p></p><p>I can understand that.</p><p></p><p>In ‘the dungeon’ the most mind boggling things go on to induce pain. The client, when they can cope with whatever pain they have purchased no longer, has to use the safe word “mercy’ to signal the dominatrix to stop. I think she may well be drawn to having that sort of power over a man.</p><p></p><p>My daughter hated my former husband (the father of her two brothers)- because he had multiple affairs. She started to disrespect me in her teens; because she thought I was spineless by being nice to him. She hated that he had been with other woman. He left me for an air hostess in the end.</p><p></p><p>I had a lot of counselling to learn ways to cope with what my daughter was doing to me and my sons when she was a teen. She found ways to put me down every moment of the day. She thought my clothes were ugly, my food was horrible and I was the worst mother in the world. She stopped eating anything I made. She tried to override me when I disciplined my boys. She was also cruel and a bully to her brothers so I needed to supervise them with her. We were all ridiculed by her and this went on for a few years.</p><p></p><p>I think us all coming together to talk with the psychologist would be useful, but we all live at faraway places and it’s very hard for that to happen. Copabanana mentioned benefits in wider therapy and I know she is right. The next place we will all be together will be the wedding in November, and that could be a playground for my daughter to shock a lot of people.</p><p></p><p>I think the best thing for me to do right now, is to allow my own truths to drift back to my mind, even though they are hard to look at. I welcome them actually. I am in a safe space to receive them. More and more I think less (in terms of time) about my daughter’s behaviours and choices, and more about my own behaviours.</p><p></p><p>I know I can ‘sit on my lips’ in regards to sex work. I have asked her to not speak about my role supporting my mother in her brothel either and she has an essay about her grandmother being published by a gallery soon, and I hope she has honoured my request.</p><p></p><p>I think about us all Cedar….we must all have experienced the impact of stress to varying degrees. In the past year I have lost a lot of hair and have various other health conditions too. Nothing serious though. I think they are all stress related. I feel like I have aged about a decade in the past year. I really do get what you are saying, that your suffering made you blind to your enabling behaviours. I also have blamed myself mercilessly.</p><p></p><p>Not so much, now.</p><p></p><p>I think I am starting to see the bigger picture.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Slimothy, post: 687812, member: 20314"] Gosh Cedar, you share the straight talk stuff. It helps. You have raised things that have got me thinking. I was thinking yesterday of my daughter’s life in terms of three decades (she is 31). In the first decade, she lived alone with me for six years, and then me and my first husband and our baby son, for a couple of years, and then with me and my son as a sole parent again, for another year. During that time, my mother and her business were hugely influential. Basically, my mother snapped her fingers when she wanted my help and I came running. Her life motto was ‘shape up or ship out!’ My daughter was quite close to my mother, although did boss my mother around. In the following decade I moved away and was in the church with my children. I became very righteous. I definitely went from the frying pan into the fire in regards to living according to manmade rules. For instance, as a woman in the church I was not allowed to speak and I was not allowed to wear trousers. I raised my daughter from the age of 9-19 (when she went to university), exposed to and according to these awful oppressive rules. Being excommunicated from the church was tragic! My church ‘family’ had become my all. I had been to their weddings, family funerals, taught their kids Sunday school, totally invested myself in all their lives- they were told NOT TO talk with me, and to cross the street if they saw me, until I repented. My daughter was VERY CLOSE to a man in the church and she had worked cleaning a studio he has, every Saturday morning for years. After I was excommunicated, his relationship with her ended too. This all went down only a few months after my mum died, and I knew my mum was right about them, and right to have tried to warn me away. So my daughter had the first decade of her life observing me under my mother’s rule, and the second decade observing me under the churches rule, both which cost her- the loss of people she loved. So I think you are right Cedar, in that my daughter has had enough of walking according to anybody’s rules. Not only that, Crohn’s make her vulnerable around her mental and physical health…how she looks, who touches her and why, what drugs she has to put into her body….and I think she is going all out that she is a rule unto herself now. I can understand that. In ‘the dungeon’ the most mind boggling things go on to induce pain. The client, when they can cope with whatever pain they have purchased no longer, has to use the safe word “mercy’ to signal the dominatrix to stop. I think she may well be drawn to having that sort of power over a man. My daughter hated my former husband (the father of her two brothers)- because he had multiple affairs. She started to disrespect me in her teens; because she thought I was spineless by being nice to him. She hated that he had been with other woman. He left me for an air hostess in the end. I had a lot of counselling to learn ways to cope with what my daughter was doing to me and my sons when she was a teen. She found ways to put me down every moment of the day. She thought my clothes were ugly, my food was horrible and I was the worst mother in the world. She stopped eating anything I made. She tried to override me when I disciplined my boys. She was also cruel and a bully to her brothers so I needed to supervise them with her. We were all ridiculed by her and this went on for a few years. I think us all coming together to talk with the psychologist would be useful, but we all live at faraway places and it’s very hard for that to happen. Copabanana mentioned benefits in wider therapy and I know she is right. The next place we will all be together will be the wedding in November, and that could be a playground for my daughter to shock a lot of people. I think the best thing for me to do right now, is to allow my own truths to drift back to my mind, even though they are hard to look at. I welcome them actually. I am in a safe space to receive them. More and more I think less (in terms of time) about my daughter’s behaviours and choices, and more about my own behaviours. I know I can ‘sit on my lips’ in regards to sex work. I have asked her to not speak about my role supporting my mother in her brothel either and she has an essay about her grandmother being published by a gallery soon, and I hope she has honoured my request. I think about us all Cedar….we must all have experienced the impact of stress to varying degrees. In the past year I have lost a lot of hair and have various other health conditions too. Nothing serious though. I think they are all stress related. I feel like I have aged about a decade in the past year. I really do get what you are saying, that your suffering made you blind to your enabling behaviours. I also have blamed myself mercilessly. Not so much, now. I think I am starting to see the bigger picture. [/QUOTE]
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