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My daughter is a prostitute
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<blockquote data-quote="Slimothy" data-source="post: 690000" data-attributes="member: 20314"><p>Back again. I have been up and down over the past couple of weeks, but mostly up, thanks to having ‘being heard’ (validated), by all you here. Its so important.</p><p></p><p>Recent news in my country has been about a 22 year old sex worker’s body. She was found burned (Renee, and she worked the streets). There have been four sex-worker deaths in the city of Christchurch, New Zealand in the past few years. Fortunately the client who did this to her is now in Police custody.</p><p></p><p>Since learning about Renee’s gruesome murder I gave myself permission not to think too much about my daughter as I had done- that is all day, each and every day. Instead I went clothes shopping, had my hair done and have booked into a week-long retreat for yoga and meditation (and spiritual healing) later on this year. It’s for woman only and is set in one of the most beautiful parts of New Zealand. I do pottery too and have found time to make a couple things for an exhibition coming up.</p><p></p><p>Since I have been spending more time thinking of me myself and I, my marriage, my health, my wellbeing, my cat and all the things I like to do, I find returning to thinking in depth about my daughter’s sex work activities is TOXIC to me. It’s been interesting for me to listen to the negative reaction within my body when I think about what she does.</p><p></p><p>This also allows me to think about HER, separate to what she does. I am taking time out away from her and I miss her. I miss the way she used to be. I miss the way WE used to be. I know that this is a natural grieving process.</p><p></p><p>My daughter was tagged into a Face Book picture recently and it came up on my husband’s page (not my page). In the picture she is sitting with a group of people and they are playing cards. These cards are clearly visible and are porn cards. I am thinking that her lifestyle choices are becoming such the norm now, that the picture on FB had no effect on her…her judgement about what is socially appropriate seems so jaundiced now. That’s what I think, anyway. This may sound odd, but after initially feeling repulsed by her sitting playing cards with the porn pics (or just the porn pics actually), I later felt strangely and silently supported realising that many of her FB family and friends would also not appreciate and be surprised by the porn pics on their FB pages. Its like part of the secret is out...she has changed and morphed into someone else.</p><p></p><p>I don’t know if you have TINDER where you are in the world. It’s a dating cell-phone link and basically people meet up and if they like someone, it’s a bit of a sexual free for all from what I gather. I now know my daughter was multiple dating on TINDER for a few months before becoming a prostitute. This breaking down of her previous healthy sexual boundaries coupled with her need to have money, driven partly from poverty because of having Crohn’s, I think, has contributed to her decision to be a prostitute (and training to be a dominatrix). Like me, and like all of us, she will learn from natural consequence.</p><p></p><p>I reckon I will still be up and down with this for a long time, maybe a life time even, as I go through the journey of grief. I know that I am adjusting to letting go of the dreams I had for my daughter and know it’s important to grieve the person she no longer is.</p><p></p><p>I’m certainly not at peace with it. It’s been ten months since she told me her news and coming to this site, has been the first time I expressed my feelings and have been listened to. Thanks everyone for this- this has enabled the realisation to dawn…which is some progress and better than staying in shock where I think I had been stuck for a long while.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Slimothy, post: 690000, member: 20314"] Back again. I have been up and down over the past couple of weeks, but mostly up, thanks to having ‘being heard’ (validated), by all you here. Its so important. Recent news in my country has been about a 22 year old sex worker’s body. She was found burned (Renee, and she worked the streets). There have been four sex-worker deaths in the city of Christchurch, New Zealand in the past few years. Fortunately the client who did this to her is now in Police custody. Since learning about Renee’s gruesome murder I gave myself permission not to think too much about my daughter as I had done- that is all day, each and every day. Instead I went clothes shopping, had my hair done and have booked into a week-long retreat for yoga and meditation (and spiritual healing) later on this year. It’s for woman only and is set in one of the most beautiful parts of New Zealand. I do pottery too and have found time to make a couple things for an exhibition coming up. Since I have been spending more time thinking of me myself and I, my marriage, my health, my wellbeing, my cat and all the things I like to do, I find returning to thinking in depth about my daughter’s sex work activities is TOXIC to me. It’s been interesting for me to listen to the negative reaction within my body when I think about what she does. This also allows me to think about HER, separate to what she does. I am taking time out away from her and I miss her. I miss the way she used to be. I miss the way WE used to be. I know that this is a natural grieving process. My daughter was tagged into a Face Book picture recently and it came up on my husband’s page (not my page). In the picture she is sitting with a group of people and they are playing cards. These cards are clearly visible and are porn cards. I am thinking that her lifestyle choices are becoming such the norm now, that the picture on FB had no effect on her…her judgement about what is socially appropriate seems so jaundiced now. That’s what I think, anyway. This may sound odd, but after initially feeling repulsed by her sitting playing cards with the porn pics (or just the porn pics actually), I later felt strangely and silently supported realising that many of her FB family and friends would also not appreciate and be surprised by the porn pics on their FB pages. Its like part of the secret is out...she has changed and morphed into someone else. I don’t know if you have TINDER where you are in the world. It’s a dating cell-phone link and basically people meet up and if they like someone, it’s a bit of a sexual free for all from what I gather. I now know my daughter was multiple dating on TINDER for a few months before becoming a prostitute. This breaking down of her previous healthy sexual boundaries coupled with her need to have money, driven partly from poverty because of having Crohn’s, I think, has contributed to her decision to be a prostitute (and training to be a dominatrix). Like me, and like all of us, she will learn from natural consequence. I reckon I will still be up and down with this for a long time, maybe a life time even, as I go through the journey of grief. I know that I am adjusting to letting go of the dreams I had for my daughter and know it’s important to grieve the person she no longer is. I’m certainly not at peace with it. It’s been ten months since she told me her news and coming to this site, has been the first time I expressed my feelings and have been listened to. Thanks everyone for this- this has enabled the realisation to dawn…which is some progress and better than staying in shock where I think I had been stuck for a long while. [/QUOTE]
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