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My head is spinning, husband in ICU with Covid and bipolar son at home and off the rails.
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 759187" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Hello Tish. It's been so many years. I am so sorry that all of this is happening. I will take a deep breath and try to be helpful. This is really a full plate of blessings but also difficulties.</p><p></p><p>Number one is your peace of mind. How much can you take? </p><p></p><p>I think you handled this with your son absolutely the best that could be done. You told him the limit and then you put distance between you. If your son is anything like mine, however, he's now got power over the house and may see this as a win. In one way or another, you need to regain the territory. You can't stay in your bedroom, but the problem is what to do.</p><p></p><p>He is in control of this, and the reality of the situation is that who really suffers here? He does. But if he is this mentally ill his judgment is impaired and his self-control. Nonetheless, I see this as an empty threat in the sense that it is just words, designed to make you cower.</p><p></p><p>I am wondering if this whole thing with the illness of his Dad and you being sick and vulnerable hasn't triggered him. He must be afraid. His own self-control must be threatened.</p><p></p><p>But the thing is, the only thing that matters here is that you have peace and calm in your house to heal. He can't be in control of the space and this seems to be what is happening now. He is verbally threatening you, even if he has not uttered a direct threat. Just the loss of control and the spilling of vitriol is enough. You feel threatened and you feel frightened. I think he knows he crossed the line.</p><p></p><p>Is he in the basement now? Is there a way to lock the door? Before this happened, had there been an endgame in sight? That is, was this open-ended? Was it that he was going to watch the dogs while you went to visit your grandson? And then when you both got ill, he just stayed? It's now almost the end of the second week in December. Even if all had gone as planned, it would be time for him to go back to Chicago. It's time for him to leave.</p><p></p><p>But I do not think you should handle this alone. I think you need somebody present with you. I would not broach anything with him. I think he has lost the privilege of the assumption of easy and direct communication. First, you are ill. Second, you are bereft. Third, you are frightened.</p><p></p><p>Does your younger son live nearby? Is there another maile relative who lives close? I think you need to call somebody.</p><p></p><p>I don't think you should be alone with him. Not that he will do anything but because you're ill and don't feel comfortable (to put it mildly) and he does not have the resiliency and skills to mend this. Or he would have by now.</p><p></p><p>I think by confronting the situation (with help) you help and protect him as well as you, by limiting the chance this could escalate.</p><p></p><p>I have asked a lot of questions, and maybe I've got key facts wrong. So I will leave it at that and others will be by soon. Please get better soon Tish, and I know all of us will be praying that your husband feels better soon.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 759187, member: 18958"] Hello Tish. It's been so many years. I am so sorry that all of this is happening. I will take a deep breath and try to be helpful. This is really a full plate of blessings but also difficulties. Number one is your peace of mind. How much can you take? I think you handled this with your son absolutely the best that could be done. You told him the limit and then you put distance between you. If your son is anything like mine, however, he's now got power over the house and may see this as a win. In one way or another, you need to regain the territory. You can't stay in your bedroom, but the problem is what to do. He is in control of this, and the reality of the situation is that who really suffers here? He does. But if he is this mentally ill his judgment is impaired and his self-control. Nonetheless, I see this as an empty threat in the sense that it is just words, designed to make you cower. I am wondering if this whole thing with the illness of his Dad and you being sick and vulnerable hasn't triggered him. He must be afraid. His own self-control must be threatened. But the thing is, the only thing that matters here is that you have peace and calm in your house to heal. He can't be in control of the space and this seems to be what is happening now. He is verbally threatening you, even if he has not uttered a direct threat. Just the loss of control and the spilling of vitriol is enough. You feel threatened and you feel frightened. I think he knows he crossed the line. Is he in the basement now? Is there a way to lock the door? Before this happened, had there been an endgame in sight? That is, was this open-ended? Was it that he was going to watch the dogs while you went to visit your grandson? And then when you both got ill, he just stayed? It's now almost the end of the second week in December. Even if all had gone as planned, it would be time for him to go back to Chicago. It's time for him to leave. But I do not think you should handle this alone. I think you need somebody present with you. I would not broach anything with him. I think he has lost the privilege of the assumption of easy and direct communication. First, you are ill. Second, you are bereft. Third, you are frightened. Does your younger son live nearby? Is there another maile relative who lives close? I think you need to call somebody. I don't think you should be alone with him. Not that he will do anything but because you're ill and don't feel comfortable (to put it mildly) and he does not have the resiliency and skills to mend this. Or he would have by now. I think by confronting the situation (with help) you help and protect him as well as you, by limiting the chance this could escalate. I have asked a lot of questions, and maybe I've got key facts wrong. So I will leave it at that and others will be by soon. Please get better soon Tish, and I know all of us will be praying that your husband feels better soon. [/QUOTE]
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My head is spinning, husband in ICU with Covid and bipolar son at home and off the rails.
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