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My heart is breaking
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<blockquote data-quote="LauraH" data-source="post: 751837" data-attributes="member: 22877"><p>The purse strings were effectively cut after we paid his late rent at the sober living home. We essentially told him that was the last time we would give him any kind of significant help financially. He's missed a lot of work recently first because of his brother's death, then he had strep throat, and then when he had to evacuate because of Hurricane Dorian. I've been expecting him to ask for some help but he has not. I was proud of that, at least. But last night when we were talking I asked him about his finances and he said he didn't want to discuss it. That was a red flag to me and indicated that they are not good. (That could be a factor in his decision to go back to Chicago, but I don't know). </p><p></p><p>When he first started calling me to cry about this crisis or that crisis in his relationship it bothered me because he was hurting, and thus I was hurting for him. But if you keep putting your hand on the hot stove and don't learn to stop doing it, I stop feeling sorry for the burns on your hand. You know? I'm especially glad now that I have whatever his inheritance might be locked up in a trust that he can't access without the express consent of the overseer, and completely at her discretion. At 30 if he hasn't learned to make wise and rational choices, I'm wondering if he ever will.</p><p></p><p>I almost envy parents who can emotionally disown their children. I can and have pretty much "disowned" him when it comes to money. I've also in the past emotionally distanced myself from him but that was when he was abusive towards me. That's not the case any longer. Most of the time we get along very well, although he will forever be arrogant and condescending towards me. That's just a dynamic in our relationship that I have had to accept as an "it is what it is" kind of thing that will never change. But I know I can't shut off my emotions, love, caring, worry for him, and dreading "that call".</p><p></p><p>I just need to take some time to process this new information, while praying it doesn't happen (but knowing it most likely will). He's also asked me not to tell anyone about this, which I agree it isn't my place to do so...except to this group. I do hope he will talk to his great aunt on his dad's side and his friend that was so instrumental in getting him into rehab this last time. They are as vested in his recovery as I am and I think it would be a slap in the face if he just blew them off and went about his blissful merry way. If he doesn't reach out to them, I probably will once he has left and let the chips fall where they may as far as our relationship goes.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="LauraH, post: 751837, member: 22877"] The purse strings were effectively cut after we paid his late rent at the sober living home. We essentially told him that was the last time we would give him any kind of significant help financially. He's missed a lot of work recently first because of his brother's death, then he had strep throat, and then when he had to evacuate because of Hurricane Dorian. I've been expecting him to ask for some help but he has not. I was proud of that, at least. But last night when we were talking I asked him about his finances and he said he didn't want to discuss it. That was a red flag to me and indicated that they are not good. (That could be a factor in his decision to go back to Chicago, but I don't know). When he first started calling me to cry about this crisis or that crisis in his relationship it bothered me because he was hurting, and thus I was hurting for him. But if you keep putting your hand on the hot stove and don't learn to stop doing it, I stop feeling sorry for the burns on your hand. You know? I'm especially glad now that I have whatever his inheritance might be locked up in a trust that he can't access without the express consent of the overseer, and completely at her discretion. At 30 if he hasn't learned to make wise and rational choices, I'm wondering if he ever will. I almost envy parents who can emotionally disown their children. I can and have pretty much "disowned" him when it comes to money. I've also in the past emotionally distanced myself from him but that was when he was abusive towards me. That's not the case any longer. Most of the time we get along very well, although he will forever be arrogant and condescending towards me. That's just a dynamic in our relationship that I have had to accept as an "it is what it is" kind of thing that will never change. But I know I can't shut off my emotions, love, caring, worry for him, and dreading "that call". I just need to take some time to process this new information, while praying it doesn't happen (but knowing it most likely will). He's also asked me not to tell anyone about this, which I agree it isn't my place to do so...except to this group. I do hope he will talk to his great aunt on his dad's side and his friend that was so instrumental in getting him into rehab this last time. They are as vested in his recovery as I am and I think it would be a slap in the face if he just blew them off and went about his blissful merry way. If he doesn't reach out to them, I probably will once he has left and let the chips fall where they may as far as our relationship goes. [/QUOTE]
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