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My heart is breaking
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<blockquote data-quote="LauraH" data-source="post: 751938" data-attributes="member: 22877"><p>My son came to town this evening to see a friend and stopped by. It was a pleasant visit but short. He told me a few things. Said he had only used twice and drank twice. I'm not sure I buy that but I didn't challenge him because I have nothing to go on other than my gut and because even if he's lying he would continue to do so. Told me things he's arranging and lining up to safeguard himself against seeing the ex. Stated his intention to get into sober living (I had thought the place he mentioned was a rehab but I was wrong). Again not buying it. He's either blowing sunshine for my benefit or has all these good intentions but he's notorious for letting good intentions fall by the wayside. What's the saying? The road to hell is paved with good intentions.</p><p></p><p>But you know what? There's not a damn thing I can do about whatever decisions he makes. I've accepted that, I'm largely at peace with it. Yes I'll worry and if he goes dark and I don't have any contact with him for extended periods of time I'll worry even more. But at the end of the day it's in God's hands. And I'm going to work on myself...when I don't hear from him instead of imagining the worst I am going to try to focus on imagining the best until I have a concrete reason to imagine otherwise. That's a toughie because I know my son and his tendency for bad outcomes, but I'll drive myself and my husband crazy if I don't stop. What's going to happen, good or bad, is going to happen and all the fretting and stewing and lying awake nights won't change that one iota.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="LauraH, post: 751938, member: 22877"] My son came to town this evening to see a friend and stopped by. It was a pleasant visit but short. He told me a few things. Said he had only used twice and drank twice. I'm not sure I buy that but I didn't challenge him because I have nothing to go on other than my gut and because even if he's lying he would continue to do so. Told me things he's arranging and lining up to safeguard himself against seeing the ex. Stated his intention to get into sober living (I had thought the place he mentioned was a rehab but I was wrong). Again not buying it. He's either blowing sunshine for my benefit or has all these good intentions but he's notorious for letting good intentions fall by the wayside. What's the saying? The road to hell is paved with good intentions. But you know what? There's not a damn thing I can do about whatever decisions he makes. I've accepted that, I'm largely at peace with it. Yes I'll worry and if he goes dark and I don't have any contact with him for extended periods of time I'll worry even more. But at the end of the day it's in God's hands. And I'm going to work on myself...when I don't hear from him instead of imagining the worst I am going to try to focus on imagining the best until I have a concrete reason to imagine otherwise. That's a toughie because I know my son and his tendency for bad outcomes, but I'll drive myself and my husband crazy if I don't stop. What's going to happen, good or bad, is going to happen and all the fretting and stewing and lying awake nights won't change that one iota. [/QUOTE]
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