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my mother-ugh!
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<blockquote data-quote="ScentofCedar" data-source="post: 10757" data-attributes="member: 3353"><p>Janet, I was reading through the post where you described your mother's shenanigans with ex husband ~ and now, with boyfriend.</p><p></p><p>There was a time when I had a therapist tell me that it looked to him like my mother and my husband might be engaging in a power/control thing ~ not with me; with each other. </p><p></p><p>I was the designated controllee, but other than that, it had nothing to do with me.</p><p></p><p>It was an eye opening experience, to look at the choices I had made in my life, and why, and what to do about them, or how to think or feel about them, in that light.</p><p></p><p>Your post brought that conversation to mind.</p><p></p><p>Another thing I find helpful is to acknowledge, not only what happens with my mother ~ but to envision what the mother I needed would have said, or done.</p><p></p><p>That exercise frees up alot of anger that I think we keep hidden from ourselves, otherwise.</p><p></p><p>Somehow, when our mothers abuse us, whether verbally, physically, or emotionally, we believe, on some level, that they were correct in doing that.</p><p></p><p>The other thing that helps me is to remember that we do all do the best we know. Whichever of the strange, twisted cruelties those around us may be dishing out, consciously acknowledging that they are the acts of a cruelly twisted mentality helps us not to take the condemnation behind those words and actions with more than a grain of salt.</p><p></p><p>I am glad your mom was taken to task in front of her relatives, and made to apologize.</p><p></p><p>Barbara</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="ScentofCedar, post: 10757, member: 3353"] Janet, I was reading through the post where you described your mother's shenanigans with ex husband ~ and now, with boyfriend. There was a time when I had a therapist tell me that it looked to him like my mother and my husband might be engaging in a power/control thing ~ not with me; with each other. I was the designated controllee, but other than that, it had nothing to do with me. It was an eye opening experience, to look at the choices I had made in my life, and why, and what to do about them, or how to think or feel about them, in that light. Your post brought that conversation to mind. Another thing I find helpful is to acknowledge, not only what happens with my mother ~ but to envision what the mother I needed would have said, or done. That exercise frees up alot of anger that I think we keep hidden from ourselves, otherwise. Somehow, when our mothers abuse us, whether verbally, physically, or emotionally, we believe, on some level, that they were correct in doing that. The other thing that helps me is to remember that we do all do the best we know. Whichever of the strange, twisted cruelties those around us may be dishing out, consciously acknowledging that they are the acts of a cruelly twisted mentality helps us not to take the condemnation behind those words and actions with more than a grain of salt. I am glad your mom was taken to task in front of her relatives, and made to apologize. Barbara [/QUOTE]
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